


Love & Sunshine

by Blueismybusiness



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional rollercoasters, Love Triangle, M/M, Sexual Content, all aboard the angst train!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 69,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueismybusiness/pseuds/Blueismybusiness
Summary: Kuroo fell in love. Too bad it was with his bestfriend's boyfriend.





	1. Love in the Cold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akeiji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akeiji/gifts).



> 5/11/17: Corrected a few grammatical mistakes, I think. LOL
> 
> I just want to thank everyone for all the support I received for what I have posted so far. It makes a person blush at the thought.
> 
> I have mentioned that I have several WIP but when Akeiji listed off a few rare pair ideas the proverbial light bulb went off and this story became an obsession. Seriously, I have been unable to write anything else that did not pertain to this damn idea and I feel almost possessed by the need to constantly add to it and edit. Thank you, AKeiji, for ruining me. Also, I thought about an Akahina but struggled with a story line (I'll take a few suggestions). Oh, and sorry if this isn't fluffy enough...not really...but I am...sorta...not.
> 
> So, I know plenty of people like the fluffy stuff and I really did (briefly) consider a fluffy fic with these two but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to turn Kuroo into a puddle of misery (I love him so much, seriously). Honestly, try as I might, I just struggled to see Kuroo falling for Hinata. I mean, it's Kuroo, come on. So, in order to make this as credible as I could I made it angsty, if that makes any sense. My default is always angst because I just LOOOOOOVE drama, drama, drama in my stories. (Maybe it's cause I'm a bitter and loveless human being...who knows)
> 
> Anyhoo, I had intended to make this a shot but, well, I'm just fucking long winded. So there, geez. I have two chapters and after editing, my first chapter is at 15k+ words. That means I will be breaking up this story (FUCK) and it will most likely be a novel. HAHA! No. But it will have multiple chapters. Also, sub-chapters with the same title as the main chapter. I really liked the names I chose for my chapters and since this damn narrative has gotten away from me I swear I will control one thing, be it only the name of the fucking chapter. 
> 
> Another thing, as writing fan-fic gives a burgeoning author the ability to practice their craft, I am working on my inability to control the sexual content. It seems either there is none or there is too much (something I noticed with my last post I am embarrassed to admit). This time around, I am going to lemonize the smut. I would like to go for tasteful, but come on, it's sex. How tasteful can it be to talk about two people boning? Am I right? Yup. I will do my best to tone it down and warn those of you who would rather skip that part (though, in my small opinion, the only time I am adding it is to further Kuroo's misery and you may not WANT to skip it, being that the scenes are important to the plot, but that's just me).
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all like it. I apologize in advance for the emotional roller coaster that is this nightmare.
> 
> Thanks for tuning in,
> 
> BIMB ＼(^o^)／
> 
> P.S. I prostrate myself before thee in humility that a kid heart might take pity and beta read my next chapter. I am dying.

It was stupid, he knew that of course.

He barely knew him, yet he couldn't help but think of him often.

Kuroo Tetsurō first met the bubbly sunshine boy when his team came to Nekoma high school for their first ever practice match. Kuroo had somehow lost his setter and wandered the streets to look for him, knowing the smaller blonde would be hiding out and engrossed in some game. When he finally found him the blonde was sitting by a fence and talking, having a LITERAL conversation, with some tiny, orange-haired stranger. He'd paid little attention to the individual in his irritation toward his best friend and fellow teammate, Kazume Knema, but did take notice of a slight shift in his smaller, expressionless gamer friend.

Kenma had been interested in someone else. Like, talk-to-you and look-at-you interested, which was a shock since Kenma rarely focused on anything other than his games.

Then he came face-to-face with the said stranger, who he learned was called Hinata Shōyō, later that morning when the Karasuno team officially arrived on their campus. At first, Kuroo compared him to a chibi-sized Bokuto with firey hair, but his opinion changed trajectory as he realized the little guy was way more intense, without the self-deprecating feature that plagued his owlish friend. He was like the fucking sun; he burned bright and hot and wherever he went he sucked people in with his limitless idealism and energy. He had a smile that burned just as bright, lighting up amber eyes with an inward fire.

Not too mention that friggin quick!

Like everyone else who saw it, Kuroo was floored by its sheer speed and power. Kuroo would be embarrassed to admit aloud, but he could have sworn he SAW wings on that dude. If the captain of the Nekoma team had been the blushing sort, he would have turned a pretty shade of pink with how impressed he'd been.

However, as stunning as the shorty may have been, Kuroo wasn't the romantic sort. Like everyone else, Hinata Shōyō was human and had flaws as a player and Kuroo would exploit them in order to win. That's how competition was. It wasn't personal.

But when all was said and done, that didn't mean Kuroo disliked the guy. He was adorable. He was sweet and encouraging to a fault, and his passion for volleyball and winning were near unmatched. Kuroo especially liked that somehow, against all odds, Hinata's enthusiasm and friendliness had worked its way past his best friend's anxiety and defenses to establish a real friendship.

Kenma didn't make friends easily, preferring his own company, and Kuroo's, to crowds of people he barely knew. Of course Kenma also liked his teammates. It had taken until this year for him to finally relax and actually accept he was one of them, but it still wasn't the same. For years Kuroo had been the only real friend the setter had, the kind of friend Kenma could open up too. That is, until the blonde met a certain ginger.

After that first practice match Kuroo noticed Kenma on his phone more than usual, and it wasn't just to play games. Kuroo, a third year, was happy he'd made a knew friend, he'd worried what would come of the setter after the raven officially graduated. Without him around, he was sure that outside volleyball the second year would isolate himself. It was a miracle in itself Kuroo had managed to convince the younger male to finish out his high school playing career.

Yeah, it was safe to say Kuroo admired the small middle blocker.

He just never realized how much of an affect the young boy would have on him. If he had, maybe he would have kept his distance. But hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Then came their week long training camp at the end of summer.

Kuroo could tell his small friend looked forward to Hinata's arrival with excitement and nervous anticipation. The third year had to admit he was a little excited, too, if only because of what the interaction between his friend and the first year had accomplished. He told himself he barely knew the kid, so he didn't have a personal interest in seeing his wide smile or amazing jumping abilities.

The time for the training camp officially arrived amid some of the hottest days of that summer. The gyms were not air conditioned and the insides were saunas even with the windows open and fans turned on. That didn't stop about forty-something boys from launching into their practices with the fervor only competition could engender in a testosterone fueled environment.

It was fun, even if they thought they were dying of heat stoke most days. And Karasuno provided much entertainment as they clumsily worked to improve their skills and teamwork, not too mention witnessing all the penalty exercises they had to do because they lost, like, all but five games. Kuroo swore he'd never seen someone get hit in the face by as many flying balls as Hinata did. It would have been infuriating if the idiot didn't get back up each time, bruised ego only, and declare he'd do better with each successive failure. The fucking goofball was like a Saiyan, the harder he fell, the more powerful he got. It was as endearing as it was commendable. Kuroo had to respect the kid.

It was also entertaining to watch the other teams be introduced to that fucking quick. Kuroo had to chuckle when dozens of eyes went wide and jaws drop to the floor when Karasuno's genius setter, Kageyama Tobio, tossed the ball and the orange blur took off like a shooting star. It wasn't an invincible tactic but no matter who you were you struggled to reign in the raw power displayed by that odd duo. Kuroo had been there, he knew.

The most surprising thing was when he sequestered the tall, four-eyed blonde for extra blocking practices and Hinata happened to show up.

To be truthful, Kuroo didn't just request Tsukishima for practice. He'd watched him play and enjoyed the view and thought, "Why not enjoy it on a more private platform?" Not that anything would come of it, he had a sneaking suspicion the middle blocker had his eye on a certain mousey-haired best friend. Plus, the stoic teenager was easily aggravated, and Kuroo excelled at aggravating people. It was a favorite past time activity. And lastly, it just pissed Kuroo off that Tsukishima Kei wasted all his athletic potential on laziness and apathy, to which he was committed to rectifying. Even Kenma tried though his apathy rivaled the tall youth.

Anyway, Hinata showed up their second individual private practice trailing an annoyed (surprise, surprise) Tsukishima. Kuroo was surprised but not unpleasantly so and enthusiastically jumped in with an exuberant Bokuto Kotarū, Akaashi Keji, and Lev Haiba, a first year who'd immediately picked up a friendly rivalry with the short middle blocker.

The evening practices were fun and informative. One of Kuroo's new favorite things was to fluster the small ball of energy. It was the easiest thing to do; one little comment or a certain look and Hinata melted into a stammering, blushing mess. Kuroo admitted he liked seeing that side of him and on more than one occasion wondered if he made the same face when someone kissed him. But that was a silly thought and he'd dismissed it.

Kuroo also enjoyed watching Hinata improve, which he did, quickly. The boy was enthusiastically receptive to advice and tips from anyone he found impressive and could make him a stronger player. Nekoma' Captain envied his ability to take everything in like a sponge and then work tirelessly to apply them to his performance.

One evening, the raven found himself the passive receiver of some interesting news. He and a few members of their team were lounging in the room that had been assigned to them at night. It was getting late and some of the team were still trailing in from baths. Kuroo was laying on his side, one knee bent and his head propped up on an elbow as he read the notes gathered from practice. These were moments when he wished his team had a manager, their Assist. Coach Naoi had terrible handwriting.

Beside him came the baseless sounds of video game music and the rapid clicking of buttons as Kenma sat cross-legged and hunched over his PsP. Kuroo constantly warned him that he'd ruin his back sitting like that for hours on end but the blonde was stubborn.

Not far from them Taketora Yamamoto and Morisuke Yaku sat, talking about everyday things such as girls and movies interspersed by playful banter. Across the room Shibiyama Yūki was lying on his stomach, drooling into a book he fallen asleep on.

As engrossed in his own activity as he was, Kuroo recognized Hinata's name when Taketora suddenly asked Kenma, "Did you know Hinata and Kageyama from Karasuno were a thing?!"

Kuroo's eyes shot up and he glanced from Taketora to Kenma who hadn't made a move to answer. _A thing?_

"The freak duo? Everyone knows that. They're always paired on the court." Yaku replied instead of the blonde.

"Th-that's not what I mean, idiot." Taketora retorted, then ducked his head when a dangerous gleam flashed in the short male's eye. "Romantically a thing. I mean they were dating." Yaku's eyes widened. He hadn't known that.

"The key word is 'were'." Kenma stated from his spot on the floor, still not looking up from his game. "And how is it your business?" He asked, glancing at Taketora briefly before returning to his PsP.

Kuroo slowly exhaled through his nose feeling a little dizzy. When had he been holding his breath? He raised an eyebrow, watching the setter. "You knew about this?" He asked Kenma who nodded. He wondered why his young friend had withheld mentioning Hinata's interests in guys.

Kuroo tapped the setter with his foot who spared him an annoyed look before returning, once again, to his PsP. Kenma knew Kuroo was a gossip hound, not that he spread gossip, however, gossip was information and information was useful.

Kenma sighed. "They make better friends and rivals than boyfriends. At least, that's what Hinata told me. It wasn't a very satisfying relationship and I guess Kageyama lacked the necessary qualities to fulfill Hinata's need for attention." Kuroo missed the blush that slightly darkened the setter's cheeks hidden by his hair as he sat curled around his game.

The Nekoma captain chuckled. It was not hard to miss the Karasuno setter's emotional constipation if one had ever witnessed his persistently grouchy personality. Hinata was boisterous and affectionate and someone like Kageyama would not be able to appreciate that aspect of the small middle blocker.

The thought startled Kuroo. What did know about their relationship? His interactions with Hinata were limited to practices so how did he feel he had a right to pass judgement?

Except that he couldn't ignore the odd sensation in his stomach that begged the question, _Was he_ really that _interested?_

Yeah, so he may have looked forward to seeing Hinata as much as Kenma. _And_ , despite how rare his interactions with the smaller, ginger male were, he often founds his thoughts turning to him fondly. _And_ the silly sensations he got just watching him smile and play.

He heaved an inward sigh. Did he really want to pursue this? He was just so...small...and so _cute_.

"How's he doing?" Kenma looked up from his game, confusion in his eyes. Kuroo schooled his face into passive interest, hoping his friend wouldn't see past his faked nonchalance. "I mean, emotionally. Break ups can be hard and affect the way you play."

A small grin touched the lips of the taciturn setter. "I don't think you have to worry much about Hinata. Volleyball is his first love."

Kuroo chewed his lip as he looked down at the papers spread out before him but not really focusing on the words. Normally the small middle blocker wouldn't be his type. He usually liked a bigger build and a little...older.

However, it wouldn't be Kuroo's first time hitting on a first year and they were typically small to begin with. He'd briefly fooled around with one at the beginning of the year he had tutored, but they'd had an understanding from the start about the nature of their relationship and volleyball got in the way, as usual. So, what if he held a slight attraction toward the energetic decoy?

Kuroo bit his pencil, something he did when he had one in his hand and he was deep in thought.

He couldn't deny that he'd imagined those amber eyes glassy and his cheeks flushed from kissing the older male, especially since training started.

 _Shit._ He didn't even know if the first year was interested, before now, Kuroo hadn't even known Hinata was into guys. Was he really considering this?

 _Fuck it._ All work and no play, as the saying goes. He could turn on the charm the next day at practice and see what develops. It didn't have to get serious, if anything, a few heavy make-out sessions would be fun.

A mischievous grin tugged at the corners of his mouth pulling them in to a subtle smile. 

As he returned to focusing on the practice notes, wrinkling his nose at the sloppy chicken scratch Coach Naoi called writing, he totally missed that Kenma was watching him, an unknown gleam in his eyes.

-*-

The next day Kuroo made good on his plan and attempted to make his interest known. He made sure to let his fingers and eyes linger (obvious because subtlety wasn't Hinata's strong suit) whenever the chance arose. He was so obvious about his flirting that other players picked up on it and observed, amused at Kuroo's attempts to flirt with the bumbling middle blocker. Some enjoyed the spectacle. Some (i.e. Daichi and Suga) watched Kuroo like predatory animals protecting their young (Kuroo ignored them), one glasses-wearing player in particular made snide remarks that referred to his taste in men as repulsive (Kuroo just smiled asking if he was jealous and was rewarded with stuttering and an "As if").

When his team practiced  against Karasuno, he would quietly compliment the middle blocker when he made a successful block or spike. He threw in a couple winks, too, and at one point he got the opportunity to ruffle the shorter male's hair and before he removed his hand from Hinata's head, Kuroo gently tugged a wild strand behind his ear and let his thumb trail partially down his smooth jawline. The effect was hilarious. Kuroo watched an obvious shiver run the entire length of the smaller male's body as his eyes widened in obvious shock. He was so adorable.

In fact, the whole time Kuroo flirted with him, Hinata blushed and spluttered and fumbled his games. If Kuroo hadn't been having so much fun watching him, he would have felt a little guilty. As it was, by the time practice was over, the poor boy was a mess.

They had finished their last game and Kuroo was off on the sidelines sipping from a water bottle and laughing with Bokuto when Hinata came stomping up to him, his face scrunched in annoyance. It was too sweet to be intimidating.

"Uh oh." Bokuto said, chuckling. "What did you do to the shorty?" He had not been present for the whole thing so Kuroo just shrugged, his dark eyes dancing with mischievous laughter as Hinata descended upon them.

When the self-proclaimed ace stopped before Kuroo, hands on his hips, Kuroo raised a quizzical eyebrow and asked, "Something the matter, Chibichan?"

Hinata puffed out his cheeks and blew, "Can I have a word with you, Kuroo-sempai?" Hinata looked pointedly at Bokuto with a look that said scram. Kuroo glanced at the wing spiker who chuckled again and waved as he walked off to give them privacy.

"How can I be of assistance?" He asked, turning a playful gaze on the shorter decoy.

"Have you been flirting with me?" Hinata asked, taking a defensive stance with his arms crossed and feet splayed. He looked like a petulant five year old and Kuroo had the urge to scoop him up in his arms. Instead he tilted his head and smirked, "What if I am?"

The orange-haired first year hesitated. Kuroo didn't think he'd expected him to be so forward. "Was it because you were trying to ruin my game?" Hinata frowned.

Kuroo's smirk transformed into a smile that had won him several hearts and he leaned down, bringing his face inches from Hinata's. They were so close Kuroo could see the light dusting of freckles on his nose and across his cheeks. Any closer and he could steal a kiss but he thought the kid would most likely drop dead if he did that.

Hinata had not jumped away from him as he towered over the small boy but he had leaned back slightly and nearly brought up his hands defensively, eyes wide with a fear...and something else. Kuroo leaned in a little farther and brought his lips to Hinata's ear. "Maybe I'll come find you later and you can find out for yourself." He purred and Kuroo heard him swallow hard.

Hinata's face was as red as a strawberry but he didn't look revolted. Instead, his eyes had clouded over and a small smile touched the corner of his perfect mouth. Kuroo wondered if he hadn't overdone it, he hadn't intended to break him. He chuckled and ruffled the shorter male's hair, bringing him back to earth. He'd be fine.

"See you later, Chibichan." He said over his shoulder as he walked away. Kuroo figured his chances were good Hinata was at least interested. However, he would do nothing else until he had some food and a shower.

As he left the gym to head to the cafeteria he caught sight of Kenma who was watching him, a curious expression on his face. Kuroo would have gone to see what was up but he was distracted by the Coach who needed to discuss a few things with him. Oh well, there would be time enough later to find out what was wrong with the setter.

Kuroo was too lost in his own impish plans to notice his blonde friend was scowling at him.

-*-

Later that evening, after he had eaten and showered, Kuroo went off in search of the Karasuno dorm. He would have preferred to wear something a little more eye catching but beggars can't be choosers and his current wardrobe was limited. Bedsides, he was only going to discover how far Hinata's attraction went, it wasn't a date. Yet.

As Kuroo traveled the dark and quiet halls of his school, he allowed his mind to wander. He was imagining what it might be like to kiss Hinata again, an idea that had planted itself in his head and wouldn't let up. He had been close enough earlier to do so and had to restrain himself, even if Hinata's lips looked so soft and flushed from practice. Kuroo felt a tingle down his spine thinking of them and what they might taste like.

Suddenly he heard low voices around the corner, then a giggle. That was definitely the first year he sought. He'd recognize that laughter anywhere, it was sweet and bubbly, and Kuroo wondered what he was doing out here and who was making him laugh like that.

Kuroo stopped walking, unsure if he should continue even if that was the direction he was headed.

Then he heard another voice. One he recognized as well and his eyes widened. _Kenma?!_

Kuroo was officially curious but he didn't want to be seen. He tiptoed to the wall and pressed against it, leaning just far enough to get a peek. What he saw made his breath catch in his lungs and his stomach knot.

Kenma was kissing Hinata. Kenma was KISSING the guy that Kuroo had come to confess to! WHAT.THE.FUCK!

How had Kuroo, who he had been best friends with the blonde since time began, not known he was interested in the same guy?! The middle blocker was astounded. Kuroo hadn't even known Kenma was capable of liking another person in that way as much interest as he'd shown in humanity all these years.

 _Shit_.

Kuroo suddenly realized that he'd been flirting with Hinata all day. In front of Kenma. Wow, what a quality friend right there.

Kuroo leaned back on the wall and crossed his arms. What to do?

Well, to be honest, there was nothing he could do. Kenma rarely showed interest in people, meaning never, and if he'd finally found someone other than Kuroo and their team to care about, who was Kuroo to stand in his way?  Kuroo sighed. Well, there went his plans for some extracurricular activities.

Kuroo tiptoed away so as not to disturb the couple in the hall. He was genuinely happy for his best friend...however, he couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that tightened his chest.

Life was at times unfair.

-*-

Hinata Shōyō has always been described as sunshine personified. His bubbly personality, nothing-is impossible-if-you-try attitude, and selfless heart only served to illuminate his attractiveness, despite the fact he was a notorious klutz and his grades were less than stellar. Add that to the fact he was a phenomenal athlete and the young man was, quite literally, a good catch. A unicorn, so to speak.

Everyone who met him loved him in some fashion. It was impossible not to and those who told themselves otherwise were lying or scared. Even if he drove you a little insane with his limitless energy and loud presence, no matter how one tried, Hinata Shōyō worked his way into your heart and planted roots. It was fact.

His own Captain and Vice-Captian Daichi Sawamura and Sugawara Kōshi loved him like a little brother and protected him as such. Yachi Hitoka, their team manager, considered him her best male friend. Bokuto Kōtarō, Captain of the Fukurōdani team, considered him his protégée. He was popular in school and he had made friends across the many high schools he practiced or played wit. It was also a known fact that as a whole, among all the teams,  quite a few had a thing for him. Even Tsukishima begrudgingly came around, officially allowing the annoying tangerine (his words) to call them friends.

Hinata, humbly patient, turned away many bold attempts to woo him. Though he left a trail of broken hearts in his wake, not one walked away feeling rejected or bitter. That was just who the small boy was, always encouraging and kind, even when he had to turn someone down.

Kuroo figured it had much to do with a certain pudding haired gamer. By Nationals, it was obvious that the relationship between the two had grown from friendship to more than friendship. It was hard to ignore the lingering looks between them whenever the two teams shared a gym. Well, it was obvious to Kuroo who knew Kenma well enough to know when his eyes lingered on anything besides his PsP.

Kuroo found the whole situation entertaining. His incredibly anti-social friend and the exuberant little fireball.

Since the training camp, Kuroo had backed off his attempts at wooing the first year. The morning following the incident in the hallway, Hinata made eye contact with Kuroo during breakfast, his expression confused. Kuroo, having decided to give Kenma a chance, only smirked at the small boy who then glared at him. He knew that Hinata would think that Kuroo had only been messing with him and even if it hurt their budding relationship, if it gave Kenma a chance at happiness, well, the raven would just have to take one for the team. The things one did for friends.

Anyway, Kuroo had dated plenty in high school while Kenma had not and Kuroo had felt it a shitty move for him to cock-block his best friend any further, despite the fact he felt a little twangs of jealousy whenever Kenma looked at Hinata and the young decoy blushed. He'd been the cause of that same reaction at one point. But, hey, Kenma was happy. Sort of.

Take the current situation. Nationals were over and the members of each team, as well as a few from other schools, had managed to take a weekend to play together without the stress of practice matches and tournaments.

The last time Hinata and Kenma stared at each other this much was the last time they stood across the net from each other after their battle at the Nationals. Now they stood across the Nekoma gym doing the same, neither one making a move toward what they obviously wanted.

Kenma and Kuroo never talked about what happened at the training camp. It was just sort of...there...though Kuroo did call his friend out on his crush later. Still, now that it was established that Kenma was interested in more than a platonic relationship, Kuroo couldn't figure out what he was waiting for.

At one point, Terushima Yūji made his way around the gym to Hinata who stood on the sidelines sipping water from a plastic bottle while flicking glances at Kenma and blushing. He was leaning against the wall, a small grin playing at the sides of pouty, flushed lips when Terushima, brazen as ever, stopped beside him, leaned on his elbow, and from Kuroo's vantage point, appeared to flirt. Kuroo snorted. It was well known the pierced delinquent had been turned down on multiple occasions but refused to give up. Hinata took his advances in stride, laughing shyly but shaking his head.

Kenma, standing on the court with Kuroo, huffed in irritation. He was trying to look like he wasn't gawking but Kuroo could tell he was completely focused on the pair the way he stood partially turned in their direction with his head bent but tilted in order for him to watch from the cover of his bangs. Kuroo chuckled.

"You could just go talk to him."

"We're in the middle of a game." An excuse, as usual. Since the games they played were not official practices, interruptions happened frequently. Currently they were waiting while Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tōru duked it out over Oikawa's lack of decency. It wasn't the first time since the match started.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. "Cause it would make much difference, right? I mean, it's not like the ball's in the air." Kenma gave him a sideways look of annoyance.

"Go ask him out or something and quit being a big baby."

"I'm not being a baby." Kuroo chuckled again.

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too. It's not like he's gonna turn you down. You two have been looking at each other like two starving men for weeks. Put us all out of our misery and make it happen already." Kuroo looked down at his friend, a challenging glint in his eye.

Kenma ignored that look, he knew when his best friend was baiting him but after all these years was impervious to that tactic. "Am not and who said I wasn't going to, anyway? I was just...waiting for the right moment." Kuroo snorted.

"Jealous, Kuroo?" Kenma half-teased, eyebrow raised.

"No." Like he would ever admit that to anyone, he'd given up on that dead end road.

Hinata was pretty much a unicorn, at least for Kuroo Tetsurō he was.

-*-

It wasn't long after that day Kenma made his relationship with Hinata official.

Being separated by several prefectures and long train rides was difficult for both boys. They kept in touch as often as possible through texts, phone calls, emails, and Skype calls. If Kenma was a shut in before, you could believe that his relationship with Hinata practically completed his hermitage. His face was almost always glued to some electronic medium between games and his almost constant communication with his boyfriend.

Kuroo was happy for his best friend, but it pained him that so much of his attention was taken up by the Karasuno middle blocker. It wasn't so much that he missed his friend, he did, but he found it grating his nerves that he sometimes wished he could be the one staring at his damn phone so often. Mostly he just laughed it off, teasing the blonde, and went about his day. What could he do?

The most difficult times would be the Skype calls when he was hanging out with Kenma. He'd have to suffer through their lovey dovey gushing, well Hinata's since his cat-eyed bestie was less expressive, but still, the point was he could do without having to listen to Hinata's laugh or watching them awkwardly flirt. Often he would excuse himself until they had finished and then find his jealousy abated after observing Kenma's flushed, happy look. It was hard to maintain any kind of negative feeling toward their relationship when his best friend was just so damn giddy.

That would have been the worst of it but spring rolled around and Kuroo found himself spending actual time with Hinata when he visited and the dynamic changed things for the older male, shaking up his feelings, and he went from a simple, hidden crushing to full on pining.

Hinata had come for the week. It wasn't his first visit but it would be his last with Kuroo in tow since he had graduated. Usually Kuroo would give them space, allowing them their privacy. He didn't mind, he had other friends to hang out with. However, it seemed this particular break everyone was on vacation or working which left Kuroo bored at home, alone. He still had a few days before moving into the school funded housing on campus where he'd been accepted on one of their university teams. So, unfortunately he was left to either sit at home, bored, or hang out with Kenata (yes, he'd given them a stupid nickname). He'd opted to be the third wheel, if only to spend time with the fire-eyed ball of energy since he didn't think he'd see much of him once school started. Was he a masochist? Not normally.

On this particular day they'd decided to head to the theater. Both boys wanted to watch some new fantasy that had recently come out and Kuroo found himself questioning his life choices as the bucket of popcorn was nearly dumped in his lap, for the third time, while Kenma and Hinata sucked face right next to him.

Kenma was not one for public displays of affection but Hinata had a way of...encouraging...strange behaviors out of almost anyone. If you were an angry person, he could coax out the tsundere in you. If you were unmotivated, he could motivate. If you were shy and anxious in public settings, well, Kenma was an example of what strange behaviors that small boy could bring out. Kuroo was worried that with the amount of heavy petting going on next to him they'd start having sex at any time. He didn't think he could stay for that.

He was having difficulty focusing on the movie on the screen, he'd already given up on following the plot. Kuroo was by no means a deviant or anything and he was not the least interested in watching his best friend of ten or so years tongue fuck his crush's mouth, but he couldn't seem to keep his eyes from wandering to the tiny spiker Kenma was currently molesting. There were moments when a scene of the movie would cast some lighting in the dark room that would shine on Hinata just so and Kuroo could see the flush of his cheeks. Like right now.

It only lasted seconds, but it was enough to make Kuroo's blood pressure rise as his heart rate spike as he caught himself watching them. Hinata was turned slightly toward him as Kenma was the one sandwiched between the two. Kenma had one arm on the back of Hinata's chair, positioned so he could play with his hair. The other hand had disappeared and Kuroo tried, hard, not to think about where that hand could possibly be. He'd hoped his friend had more class than to give his boyfriend a fucking handy in a dark theater sitting next to his best friend. Or maybe Kuroo just wished he was in Kenma's place.

Maybe he wished to run his hand through Hinata's silky rust-colored locks. Or maybe he wished he could be the one to cause those small hands to grasp at the back of his shirt as he did whatever it was Kenma was doing right now. Maybe he wished he could kiss Hinata's swollen, flushed mouth and cause that beautiful rose-colored flush that tinted his cheeks.

Kuroo found himself suddenly overwhelmed with a flash of heated jealousy. He knew he was just being ridiculous but the emotion came upon him so swiftly it left him slightly surprised at himself. This was Kenma's boyfriend after all. His _best_ _friend_ , Kenma. The situation really was unfair, even if he had placed himself in this position willingly.

At one point Kenma was buried in the smooth curve of Hinata's neck and Kuroo, who happened to idly glance over, nearly dropped dead of desire and envy when Hinata's heavy-lidded, pupil-blown, amber eyes caught his. On the screen was a snow scene at the point of sunset. The myriad of colors; violet, burnt orange, and rose collided with the stark white, catching the color of Hinata's eyes and bouncing off his golden brown lashes. His face was the soft pink of arousal and his perky lips were slightly parted, one side turned up in a small, subtle grin. Kuroo had not known the innocent teenager could make an expression so blatantly...not innocent. He sat there, transfixed by that look, Hinata's eyes unfocused and completely gone to the stimulation, looking past the tall raven and into whatever dimension of sensuality that existed for him. Then his gaze shifted and focused on the raven's black ones, intensifying as his grin turned into a shy smile and he pressed his lips in Kenma's blonde hair. Kuroo could barely breathe. He could barely think. He knew he should look away, but at the same time a part of him rebelliously pointed out they were making themselves a public display. It didn't help he felt a tightening in his jeans. Right then, Hinata looked gorgeous and as their gazes lingered for only an instant, the former Nekoma middle blocker wanted more than anything to replace Kenma...to _be_ Kenma, a desire he'd never before experienced until this moment.

Kuroo got up and walked out. He had not signed up to be an audience of one to the Kenma and Hinata soft-core porn extravaganza. It was too much.

Later that night he laid in bed trying desperately not to think about Hinata and how his face looked as Kenma teased his neck. How his eyes locked into Kuroo's for a brief but glorious moment as his boyfriend worked him up. He felt so guilty. He wanted what wasn't his and the worst part was that the person he wanted belonged to Kenma.

It wasn't as if Kuroo wanted sex. Well, he did; he wanted to make Hinata squirm and beg for his touch. He wanted that same expression Kenma had brought out in the first year to be reflected back at him.

However, it was more than that. He wanted Hjnata because of who he was. He wanted to rejoice with him when he was happy and hold him when he cried. He wanted to chat about dumb stuff and make Hjnata laugh with his killer wit.

He liked Hinata. He liked his perseverance and his strength. He liked his easy smile and sense of humor. He liked his loud voice and contagious laughter. He liked his compassion and ability to grow wherever he was planted, even in the most difficult of circumstances.

Laying there in bed, the moon light making his bare wall glow in his dark room, Kuroo admitted that his crush was more than simple like. Somewhere along the way he'd lost his heart.

He'd fallen for Hinata Shōyō and there was nothing he could do about it.

After that, the rest of the week passed by in slow, tortuous increments. He still hung out with Kenata, who apologized for their naughty behavior in the theater. He knew it was stupid and he should have just stayed home, but the heart has a way of rationalizing to a fault and his was no better. He told himself that he could handle being around the two, that Hinata would be gone in a few days, he would start university soon, and he could work at getting control of his traitorous heart.

-*-

The young college student-to-be was presently lounging on Kenma's bed while the other two were wrapped up in each other on the floor giggling over some game they were playing on one of Kenma's many consoles.

Kuroo had, in frustration out of watching the two as they flaunted their intimacy, rolled onto his back, one knee bent and an arm flung over his eyes. He was having difficulty not feeling irritated over their constant displays of affection. Kuroo knew better, knew that they were just caught up in the passion of a new relationship, but at times he felt as if they were purposefully showing off. Everytime Hinata leaned over to kiss the blonde, or when Kenma's hand gently ran down the ginger's back and over his ass, Kuroo wanted to throw a pillow at them. He was disgusted by their behavior and even more disgusted with himself for thinking they were disgusting. He knew he could leave whenever he wanted but his need to see Hinata kept him from walking out the door. He felt pathetic.

The whole debacle was just absurd. If one thought about it, the idea of him and the shorty was laughable. Kuroo wasn't an asshole...well not completely... but he was a bit of a player, not having much inclination toward domesticity at this point in his life. Being stuck on one person, while barely out of his teens, was stifling. Yet, more often than not, and he would slit his wrists before telling anyone, he thought about the little guy in terms of longevity. Like, a future, and shit. Hinata was just not the type you fuck and flee.

Not too mention, wouldn't they just make an odd pair physically? Kuroo, with his height and smoldering looks and Hinata with his tiny, angelic look, and somewhat innocent presence? Kuroo would have laughed at himself if it weren't for the fact the subject of his thoughts was currently wrapped up with his _boyfriend_.

Which was a whole added layer of fucked up. Here he was contemplating the logistics of dating said ginger when he was unavailable as it was. The raven was glad Kenma could not read his thoughts or he'd surely lose the one person most important to him. Well, one of the people most important to him. He sighed.

He heard wet noises coming from the floor and he audibly groaned. "Would you two please get a room." Giggling followed his jab and Kenma replied, "We're in a room. My room, to be exact." Hinata's melodious giggle assaulted Kuroo's ears. So pathetic.

He heard movement from the floor and lifted his elbow to watch as Hinata climbed to his feet. His hair was messy and his face flushed. Kuroo's eyes traveled over his small frame. The crow was wearing a t-shirt over jeans and as he shifted to rise, his shirt rose with him just enough to give the former Nekoma captain a glimpse of a smooth, lightly defined stomach. There was a familiar heat crawling over the raven's body as his eyes traveled over Hinata's form until they met with Hinata's amber ones. The younger male had been watching him, too, a strange look in his eyes that Kuoor didn't want to identify. Probably something left over from the training camp. The raven thought it best not to dwell and he looked away, burrowing his face in the crook of his arm.

"I have to pee." Hinata ungraciously announced to the room. Kenma remained silent, too focused on his game and Kuroo only grunted his reply as he heard the younger's footsteps retreat.

"I'll be glad when you both lose your virginity. The sexual tension between you two is suffocating us single people." He'd meant it as a half joke. It really was annoying, though.

Kenma chuckled and without looking back at Kuroo replied, "I doubt that. We've done plenty and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon." Kenma snuck a gloating glance at his best friend and turned back to his game.

Kuroo sat up and situated himself into a position to stare at Kenma from his place on the second year's bed. For a moment the only sound in the room was the music from the game that was currently playing on the screen of his small television. It was an effort but Kuroo managed to keep his calm when he finally broke the silence. "You didn't." He choked out.

Kenma turned to look at Kuroo confusion written all over his face. Kuroo stared back at him, his eyes wide with shock and expectation. Suddenly the blonde blushed understanding what Kuroo was insinuating. "Oh, god, Kuroo, no! Neither one of us are ready for _that_!" Blonde hair swayed back and forth as Kenma shook his head, as if disappointed his older friend would think so little of them, and returned to his game. "Geez! Who do you think I am? You?"

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" He was suddenly feeling irate and if the second year noticed he didn't acknowledge it. Instead he chuckled, "Kuroo you have a bad habit of sleeping with guys right off the bat, then you get bored real quick afterward."

"Tch." Kuroo replied and succumbed to the impulse to throw a pillow at his observant best friend. Who likes being called on their vices? "I'm not that bad." Kenma squealed and laughed and Kuroo pouted. "I do have standards you know? It's not my fault people get clingy." He mumbled. It was mostly the truth. It wasn't his fault he had a weakness for hot guys and it definitely wasn't his fault that none of them could keep his attention. Anyway, he hadn't been with anyone since training camp. Not that it had anything to do with his feelings for a certain ginger haired middle blocker.

The raven grabbed another pillow, wrapped himself around it, and watched Kenma in silence for a moment. He was brooding.

So Kenma and Hinata **had** fooled around. Kuroo found that particular piece of information really bothered him.

The young ginger finally returned and glanced at Kuroo briefly before kneeling on the floor and crawling next to Kenma in order snuggle up against him. It was still a wonder there existed anything capable of drawing Kenma's attention away from gaming and Kuroo grimaced as the blonde paused (some things don't change) his game in the middle of a fight (some things do) to wrap an arm around Hinata and pull him closer until the second year was partially laying on top of him. Kuroo wondered if his best friend was trying to drive a point home as he was invited to watch them make out. Again.

Yeah, he was out. He'd hit his limit. "You guys have fun with...that. I think I'm going to head home and finish packing." Both boys briefly stopped their kiss fest to glance at Kuroo as he headed toward the door. Kenma only nodded at his friend before returning his attention to Hinata. As the blonde planted his face in Hinata's neck, the first year's eyes lingered on Kuroo. The raven refused to look at him. Why Hinata kept doing that he could not fathom. He found it mildly irritating as it made his entire being buzz like a live wire.

Kuroo was at the entrance, putting on his shoes when he heard footsteps behind him. He looked up to see Hinata nervously fidgeting at the bottom of the stairs. The young male stood there as if he intended to say something but instead of talking he only succeeded in blushing and looking away. Kuroo suppressed the urge to sigh and asked, "Something wrong, Chibichan?" He had a suspicion he knew what the other wanted to say but he crossed his arms, waiting. He really didn't want to do this.

The little middle blocker took a deep breath and asked, "Did you mean what you said at training?"

And there it was. That explained all the odd stares the kid had been sending his way all week. What was Hinata expecting him to say?

"Does it really matter, Hinata?" Kuroo returned, annoyance in his words. God this sucked.

"So you _were_ just messing with me." It was more a statement than a question but Kuroo answered him anyway. "Yea, I was."

Hinata processed that information for a moment, his amber eyes doing that intense thing they do when he's about to get observant.

"I don't believe you."

Fuck, this kid could be creepy at times, despite his cuteness. Kuroo really didn't want to hurt Hinata. He liked him. More than liked him, in fact. But Hinata was with Kenma and Kuroo wasn't the kind of friend that made moves on his friend's significant other.

No matter how bad he wanted to.

Kuroo shrugged his shoulders, his face impassive. "That's not my problem, Chibichan. Believe what you want."

And as expected, Hinata's amber eyes clouded with hurt. Kuroo's heart cracked at the sight. His small features drooped and pulled his normally smiling mouth into a frown. Did this kid even know what he was doing to him?

It took everything the raven had not to wrap his arms around the smaller male and admit that he'd been right, Kuroo was lying. That he actually wanted him but refused to pursue him when he found out Kenma liked him.

Instead, Kuroo turned and opened the front door. "See you later, Chibichan." He stepped out into the warm spring night and closed the door behind him without looking back.

Life was more than unfair at times. In fact, life was a bitch.

-*-

Kuroo took his time returning home, opting instead to wander through town, the lights of the city spread out around him and wrapped in a warm breeze.

Kuroo kept replaying his short conversation with Hinata in his head. He couldn't really comprehend why the whole incident at training was bothering the smaller male so much. Was he interested in Kuroo? But he was with Kenma. Unless he was regretting his decision. However, that didn't seem too correct since they were constantly glued to each other's lips.

This line of thought was getting Kuroo no where and he sighed in irritation.

He was also still slightly fuming at confirming Kenma and Hinata engaged in...lewd...activities. Yeah, he had feelings for Hinata. That was an admission he'd already come to terms over. However, Hinata was Kenma's boyfriend so why get upset because they did those things? What was the point of feeling that way? That was their prerogative and Kuroo had no place in that part of their relationship. Why allow himself to be so affected by something he had no control over?

Why? The simple answer was that the thought of Kenma touching Hinata in _that_ way really bothered him. Like, made him angry, bothered him. And _that_ bothered _him_.

Kuroo stopped walking and tipped his head back, closed his eyes, and heaved a deep sigh. The fact was he wanted to do those things and he was bitter at Kenma's opportunity to put his hands where Kuroo's would never be allowed.

The worst part? It didn't matter. None of it did because Kuroo was holding onto a secret that literally frightened him. He knew that deep down he wanted nothing more than for Hinata and Kenma to break up so he'd have a chance. He hated himself for that feeling. He loved Kenma and wanted only good things for him and he wanted him to be happy.

But Kuroo wanted to be happy too. He wanted Hinata to be happy with him. The raven was pretty sure he'd never felt like this toward another person and why it had to be Hinata Shōyō of all people, the least likely person Kuroo would have expected to make him feel this way, was a question he had no answer for. And to add insult to injury, the guy he was hung up on was dating his best friend. It's like the universe was laughing at him.

This whole situation was so fucked up it bordered on insane.

He was so depressed and tired of wanting the small crow. He wanted these feelings to fucking disappear. He was so tired of hating Kenma for finally having something for himself and being jealous of it. Mostly he was tired of despising the person he was becoming.

Kuroo continued home holding back tears that threatened to fall. Fuck. Life.

He couldn't wait until he moved.


	2. Love in the Cold Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took a deep breath and shoved his phone into his pocket before continuing on to practice. He was angry. Angry at himself for holding on so long. Angry at Kenma because, well, duh. Angry at Hinata for existing.
> 
> Angry that he didn't say something way back when, during the training, when he'd actually had a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Here it is, chapter 2. Sorry about the wait but this chapter was trying to kill me and I am still unsatisfied. However, I can't stand looking at it any longer. Sorry if it sucks. I was really trying to display Kuroo's emotional conflict between his feelings for Hinata and his friendship with Kema but I feel I lack adequate skills with the English language. Haha! Anyhoo, hope you enjoy. 
> 
> I also want you all to know that I have several parts to this written and it's the soul-sucking editing part that is delaying updates. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> BIMB :)

Moving day finally arrived along with a deep sigh of relief, his parents volunteering to traffic him to his new residence. Kuroo felt a great weight rise off his shoulders the moment he wedged himself into his dad's car among the boxes and other crap he told himself he couldn't do without.

That morning, as the suburb he'd lived in all his life swept by his window, passing like a film reel of his childhood, Kuroo felt like a new man. All that business about Kenma and Hinata could finally be put behind him and he could officially move on.

So what if there was a lingering feeling of regret, as if he'd left something undone? Weren't regrets supposed to be left behind?

So this was moving forward. Moving on. He knew it would take time, he just needed some space from memories that left him feeling gross, sad, and depressed.

And that's what he would find at Uni. Space. Hours and miles from the phantoms of Hinata Shōyō loitering within the place he once called home.

As Kuroo settled into University life, he found it suited him. The campus he studied at was large and well kept with an aesthetic appeal and an air of learning. Dotted throughout campus were quiet, secluded areas for comfortably studying alone or when you needed a nap. The presence of  students and professors attracted internet cafe's and coffee shops that inundated the area from the quaint to the corporate. Kuroo couldn't be more at home.

The moment he stepped foot on University soil, Kuroo felt a little of himself return. He slipped easily into the role of college student and quickly adapted to his new found freedom. He loved it. His studies, volleyball, and the occasional party kept him occupied and in the quiet moments when he felt lonely and bitter he had...other...distractions - ones life on a college campus provided in spades.

Kuroo maintained contact with old friends as he made new ones. He and Kenma talked and texted regularly; the distance had been good for their friendship once Hinata was not the center of it and he felt more free to relax. For the first time in a long time, he believed he might actually get over the small ginger. It was still difficult to listen to his best friend gush about his perfect boyfriend, but it wasn't quite as painful. Mostly. At least a good seventy-five to eighty-five percent of the time.

On average, the majority of his and Kenma's conversations involving his boyfriend settled on superficial information. Something funny the ginger had told Kenma, games he had won or lost, or how he has matured as a player. A sense of mourning would sweep through him making his chest tighten and heart seize with loss, but, once the call finished he'd find something to occupy his mind and the wave of emotion would roll by.

However, there were the rare occasions when he was the unwilling participant in some of Kenma's more intimate relationship milestones. Such as their first real fight.

Kenma had texted Kuroo in a panic in the middle of the night. The blonde was a grammar Nazi which was the sleepy college student's first clue. Shorthand was innately incorrect use of grammar.

The moment he realized what the text entailed his stomach tightened. His Mr. Hyde personality (the one he refused to acknowledge as part of him) jumped on the possibility of a split up between Hinata and Kenma. Kuroo, to his utter shame, considered not answering.

He loathed the thought of giving his best friend relationship advice, but he'd called anyway, teeth grinding into each other, because it was Kenma and his happiness was more important than the raven's pride. Anyway, wasn't he supposed to be getting past all of this?

Kuroo, to be honest, couldn't give you a truthful account of what their argument had been about. It was if he'd entered some weird alternate universe where some being had taken control of the raven's tongue to guide it into a semblance of support toward his best friend. Whatever the conversation had been about, all Kuroo remembered was that by the end of it, his former setter's anxious emotional state had been calmed and he'd worked it all out with Hinata because they were _still_ together.

That conversation had ruined him for a week and he'd worked out his frustration on some poor soul the following weekend.

Then there was the lovely announcement about their physical progression. It was winter break and Kuroo had chosen to stay on campus, his plan was to catch up on homework. Also, Hinata would be visiting Kenma. He was embarrassed to concede he was still uncomfortable sharing a physical space with the boisterous ginger.

His break from class was going well, he missed his family but he'd kept himself busy with schoolwork and practice. His team hadn't made it to nationals and even though they were all disappointed, they were already preparing for a new season.

Then, the last morning of vacation, Kuroo's phone chimed signaling a text. It was one of his few days off and the middle blocker had been prepared to spend his entire morning wrapped in his warm blankets. Through foggy, irritated half dreams about volleyball and sunsets, he clumsily reached for his phone on his desk that was sitting against the wall next to his bed. He hadn't even processed the name or message summary before he unlocked his touch screen and opened up the messaging app.

Kuroo squinted at the sudden, bright light, cursing its existence in whispers as his half-lidded, tired eyes fell on a message from Kenma.

**7:45AM**  
 **Kitten:** Guess who's no longer a virgin?

It was if someone had shocked his brain with a jolt of electricity. Sleep officially scampered away and he lay in his stomach, propped up on his elbows, his hazel eyes wide with shock as he re-read the message, trying to wrap his mind around what he was seeing. As full understanding sunk in, so did the suffocating devastation. He'd buried his face in his pillow and screamed, "FUUUUCK!" His deep voice muffled but still loud enough to startle his sleeping roommate into wakefulness, his body shooting into a sitting position and screaming in fear.

"DUDE! SERIOUSLY?!" Clutching his chest with one hand and his blankets in another, he hollered at the raven smothering himself with his pillow less than ten feet away. While Kuroo lay in his twin bed trying to end his pitiful existence, he could feel his roommate boring holes into his dark head. He twisted his neck to peer through the semi-darkness. "Sorry man." He replied, his gravelly tone defeated.

His roommate didn't answer and Kuroo thought he'd gone back to sleep, which Kuroo would have been grateful for seeing as though all he wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and pretend the whole fucking world had ended. His had.

He had been trying so hard to NOT think of Hinata and it seemed that when he felt on the verge of freedom he'd be dragged back in only to have to fight again to gain another inch of release. And Kenma always seemed to know the right moment to fuck him up, the sadistic bastard!

Kuroo sighed. It wasn't his best friend's fault, the older male knew this, but it didn't lessen his bitterness.

"Hey man, you alright?" Apparently his roommate had _not_ gone back to sleep.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He lied. Kuroo sat up and scrubbed his face with his hands. When he looked up, his roommate was looking at him. As the sun peeked in around the blinds and curtains covering their one window, Kuroo could just make out the look of concern in the other's expression.

They weren't best friends by any means but living with another human gives you a personal look into their idiosyncrasies. Kuroo was generally a calm person so his sudden outburst made his roommate uncomfortable and being the kind individual that he was, tried to assuage the situation by offering Kuroo an ear if he needed one. Even if he did look like he'd rather go back to sleep. "You sure, Kuroo-san?"

Kuroo briefly considered spilling his guts. He'd never talked about this whole shit show with anyone and he sometimes, desperately, wanted to unload his heavy burden. Kuroo just shook his head. "I'm cool, just some disappointing news back home. Nothing to get worked up about really." If only that were true.

"Okay, man. If your sure." His roommate looked at him, not entirely believing. He pointed at his bed awkwardly, "I'm gonna go back to sleep."

Kuroo nodded. He threw back his blankets with a little more force than necessary, his roommate wincing at his obvious agitation but not saying anything as he snuggled under his covers, preparing to return to unconsciousness.

Since there was no way Kuroo would be returning to sleep anytime soon, he crawled out of bed and gathered some clothes before heading to the bathroom. He was going to go for a run and try and straighten out his mood.

Unfortunately, two hours later and the run didn't help. Nothing did as Kenma's innocent text sent Kuroo into a tail spin of drunkenness and sex for the next week. Literally, Kuroo found someone new to bury his feelings in every night, his roommate kind enough to give him space, recognizing his need to work through whatever had been in his text a week prior.

It was horrible. Each person Kuroo found he later recognized shared some characteristic of the redhead he wanted and could not have; a beautiful smile, bubbly laughter, small but strong physique, however, none of them came close to the real thing. He could close his eyes and pretend they were Hinata - imagine the mouth that kissed him belonged to the younger male, plump and pink from Kuroo's kisses. He could imagine the rose flush that spread like watercolor on a small, pale canvas belonged to the ginger he craved. He imagined the moans and needy purrs of the strangers beneath him were the lilting, tenor tones of Hinata's voice telling how much he was wanted. But imagination only took a man so far when they lacked the real-life experience; the actual _feel_ of Hinata's smooth skin on his fingertips or the taste of his tongue or the sound of his voice as he came. It was empty and unsatisfying.

-*-

Kuroo was returning to his room, freshly showered after sending another one-night-stand on their merry way, to find his roommate had officially returned.

Thankfully the raven was not drunk this time around because his roommate, looking quite a bit irritated, glanced up from his bed where he'd been lounging and flipping through a textbook and stated, "Kuroo-san, we need to talk."

Kuroo sighed and slumped his shoulders as he sunk down on his bed to sit with head bent and hands hanging limply between his knees. "Yeah man, um, look..." he started to say when he was interrupted.

"Hey, Kuroo-san, I totally get your trying to work through some shit, but I gotta be allowed back in my own room."

The raven chuckled. "Sorry, Watase-san. Like you said, I was just working through some stuff. I'm over it now." He rubbed an eye and gazed at his roommate apologetically.

Watase snorted, "As long as I can stop couch surfing." He was quiet for a moment, his pale eyes watching Kuroo who flicked him a small smile before his hazel eyes glazed over, lost in thoughts his roommate could not see. "Fuck man, you got it bad."

Kuroo's eyes snapped back into focus as he stared at the first year college student he shared his living space with, a look of recognition beaming back at him. Breaking eye contact, he shifted his body and flipped back on his bed. "Yeah, I do." He quietly sighed in agreement.

They never mentioned it again and Kuroo made sure to keep his sexual activities to a minimum in their shared dorm room. He wasn't a total asshole.

And, he never responded to Kenma.

Then, a few months later, as if the gods had decided that Kuroo needed to nail the coffin of his already dead hopes, Kenma called. Kuroo was just getting out of his last class and heading to practice when his phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to answer it.

The young blonde was contacting him to confirm plans for the end of the semester which was rapidly approaching. Kuroo had been avoiding going home for so long that his best friend was getting suspicious. Not too mention his parents were getting pissed that their only son refused to visit. So, begrudgingly he'd agreed to come home and made plans to hang out with Kenma. He'd also made sure to avoid any impending drop-in's from a certain Karasuno middle blocker.

However, it had appeared Hinata was currently visiting for the weekend. Kenma had been in the middle of relaying to Kuroo some information about some upcoming gaming expo when he was interrupted.

"Yeah, so the tickets have already gone on sale and they're expensive but I somehow managed to snag a few...hang on a sec..." there was some inaudible speech from a very recognizable voice, "...I never said that, dumbass." Kenma laughed. Kuroo heard something else inaudible then the wet sounds of a short kiss and he grimaced, pulling the phone from his ear and pretending to gag himself with a finger, knowing his friend couldn't see. When he replaced the phone hesitantly to his ear, not wanting to catch anymore of those disgusting sounds, he heard another stream of noises that made him stop walking and his brain dissolve into white noise.

"Yeah," Kenma was continuing with his boyfriend, "I love you, too, Sho. Now, can I please finish my conversation with Kuroo. I'll tell him. Anyway," the blonde's voice came back on the line more clear as he directed his words back to the raven on the other end, "As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted..." Kenma giggled, the sounds of wrestling coming over the line.

Kuroo heard little of the conversation after that. " _I love you, too_ " kept ringing loudly through his head like a bad song he just wanted to forget. _So that's it, then_. Any hope the raven had about maybe, possibly, being with Hinata dashed into the dust, laid to rest after a gruesome and bloody battle against all odds.

_I just can't right now._

With Kenma's voice still buzzing in his head and tongue thick with emotion, Kuroo forced himself to focus on his phone call long enough to get out, "I gotta go."

"What?...Okay..." Kenma's confusion at Kuroo's change in tone catching him off guard.

"I gotta go...I'll call...I just gotta go." Kuroo stated, hanging up before the blonde could reply.

Kuroo stood on the sidewalk on his way to the gym, still as a statue, staring at the phone in his palm. He felt a bit hollow and his body felt numb and it had little to do with the chilly spring air. He was just so damn tired of this goddamn emotional rollercoaster.

He took a deep breath and shoved his phone into his pocket before continuing on to practice. He was angry. Angry at himself for holding on so long. Angry at Kenma because, well, duh. Angry at Hinata for existing.

Angry that he didn't say something way back when, during the training, when he'd actually had a chance.

Normally, after one of these emotional bombs, the raven would immediately seek out the arms of another. Someone who could momentarily offer him comfort, someone to drown his sorrows in and for a brief moment alleviate the persistent emptiness of unrequited love. However, Kuroo just didn't have it in him anymore, none of it helped really anyway. Waking up to another stranger he didn't know and who wasn't who he really wanted just left him feeling drained and desolate.

Instead, the raven was determined to practice his little black heart out. Until his arms ached, his thighs were sore from the strain, and he was completely exhausted.

And that's exactly what he did.

-*-

Before Kuroo noticed, his first year of university had passed. He had done well in his classes and though his team did not make it to Nationals that year, Kuroo found it a victory that he was promoted from a reserve player to a regular on the starting lineup for the following season.

Then it was time to head home. Home to his old neighborhood. Home to his parents. And home to Kenma. He should be more excited but all he can work up to at this point was not unpleasantly anticipating. Frankly, the raven had been through so much emotionally over the last few years he was too burned out to feel more than just blah.

Not that seeing his folks was bad, he _was_ glad to see them, to be home, home. He walked into his bedroom a little over two hours after leaving campus - catching two trains and a bus - and breathed deeply of comforting, familiar aromas that reminded him that here was a safe place.

That evening, Kuroo engaged in normal family activities. His normal. The normal he'd known all his life and had forgotten since moving into the dorm. It was good, nostalgic even, but it could have been better. As much as he wanted to feel completely relaxed in his own home, unfortunately, he had this nagging and persistent feeling planted in the back of his mind that made him dread the following day.

It was something Kenma had said the last time they talked.

_"Yeah, so when you get here I want to talk about something."_

_That statement sent alarms off in Kuroo's head the moment they were received on the other end of the phone. "Such as...?" He had replied to his oldest friend._

_"You know what they say about curiosity and cats, don't you?" Kenma teased. "We will talk in a few days. Don't be so impatient, it's not like it's bad."_

_"And you can't tell me now?"_

_"Everything alright, you sound off?" Had he been curt? If so, the raven hadn't meant to. It's just he was worried this might be another Kenata expectation and he wasn't in the mood to indulge them. "I would just rather talk to you in person." The blonde continued._

_"Oh...okay."_

Turns out the topic wasn't what he'd thought it'd be. He honestly couldn't have said what he'd expected except that it was mostly likely regarding Hinata. It turns out Kenma was only inquiring about Kuroo's plans for his second year.

Kuroo had already begun to think on that before classes had ended. He was intending to look into part-time work and perhaps move into a small apartment on his own. It would be difficult with his already tight schedule but he wanted more independence and privacy. The only problem with his plans were the lack of affordable housing anywhere within reasonable distance of campus. The only rentals he found he could afford on a hypothetical budget of almost nothing were either dilapidated, in less than savory neighborhoods, or both. Plus he was unemployed, hence, the imaginary budget. He'd put the whole ordeal off until after he returned to campus.

He should have known his anti-social best friend would hit him up.

They had been lazily walking around the floor of the expo, Kenma almost vibrating from excitement. Kuroo had chuckle at the sight of him. Large gatherings of sweaty, noisy humanity often deterred his blonde friend who preferred the isolation of his own room to quietly while away the hours, lost in his video games. However, expos were the one exception, and he would literally lead the way. It was the one place the younger male felt like he fit in, among fellows, like-minded and so geeked out that your humanity ceased to exist and you were reduced to important questions such as _Do you game? What are you into? What platform do you prefer? Did you see that blah blah blah was highlighting this expo?_

In this atmosphere it was the only time Kuroo observed his best friend's back straighten, hold his head a little higher, and actually smile, the tiniest grin tugging a corner of his mouth when he saw something he liked. The tickets to one of these events were costly but Kenma always managed to grab a couple for himself and his raven friend (thanks to the few connections he'd made online whom Kuroo secretly thanked for spoiling shy, little Kenma).

Kuroo enjoyed these moments and appreciated that Kenma allowed him to be a part of it, even if gaming wasn't fully on his list of things that are interesting.

The raven was glad that he was able to enjoy this small moment with his buddy but Kenma had yet to bring up the topic he had mentioned talking about and Kuroo had been determined NOT to dwell on it. He had wanted to just spend time with his friend. They had not seen each other all the previous year - the raven's doing - and since first seeing him, Kuroo had found it easy to slide back into their shiftless, sarcastic friendship. He'd worried all that time he'd spent avoiding the blonde would have somehow negatively impacted their relationship but his worry had been pointless because things were good and the day had been relaxing and comfortable. Like old times.

Then, as they meandered the large space filled with booths and kiosks, the younger male finally decided to talk.

"What do you think about being roommates?" Kenma shot the taller male and sideways look before quickly averting his gaze to take in the crowd around him.

Kuroo choked on a sudden urge to laugh. If he'd been drinking anything at the moment, like some cheesy plot point in a bad romance, he'd have choked on it and spit it out in exaggerated volume. He furrowed his brow instead, pretending to consider the question with more serious intention.

"You know, they say friend's shouldn't room together. It puts a strain on the relationship."

Kenma snorted and stopped walking. Kuroo followed suit and turned to look back at him. "Yes, that makes sense, because we didn't practically live together growing up."

Kuroo had known his objection was weak and probably gave away more than he would have normally wanted. However, he was feeling peevish. They had been having a good time.

It wasn't as if he'd never thought about living with his young friend in the past and they'd even joked about it once when they were younger and laughed about all the trouble they'd get into (at least, all the trouble Kenma would have to bail Kuroo out of). But, now there was Hinata - the older male's simultaneous bane and desire. Without meaning to, the ginger haired ball of fire had become a wall between the two friends and the thought of living with Kenma, with the possibility of having to continue his charade of support, left the older, tired Kuroo in a slight state of anxiety.

"True." Kuroo said, glancing at Kenma who was staring at him with an incredulous expression. The raven pretended to be interested in a booth displaying some fancy, expensive head phones.

"Why do I get the feeling you're pulling away from me and have been for a long time?"

Kuroo hyper focused on the headphones he'd absentmindedly picked up as his heart stopped then began beating rapidly and his vision wavered on the edges. He slowly exhaled the breath that had lodged itself in his chest, then closed his eyes trying to compose himself. He'd known it was only a matter of time before Kenma called him out on his very odd behavior.

Kuroo had a couple of choices. 1) He could confess. Unload this suffocating burden that had been oppressing him for a year and a half and finally clear the air between him and Kenma, or 2) not. Don't do it. Just to keep hoping things would get better.

"Is this about Hinata?"

"No!" It came out almost like an automatic response, one his heart had decided on before his brain could pick the more responsible answer. So much for that.

Kuroo sighed and looked at his best friend. There was concern in his eyes, as well as confusion and...fear. They'd been together for so long and through so much and he was throwing it away.

All because of a boy. Was it really worth it?

Kuroo plastered on his most mischievously cocky smile. "I just want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into, Kitten."

Kenma stared at him a moment longer, his cat-like, gold-brown eyes intense as they observed Kuroo. He must have been satisfied at finding nothing because his shoulders relaxed. "Oh, I know all about you, dumb cat. So is that a yes?"

Kuroo sighed and chuckled. He ruffled the blonde's hair who clicked his tongue and smacked his hand away. "Sure." Kuroo replied. What was he supposed to do? Kenma was too important to him to lose over something so insignificant. Something so pointless.

Yet, why did he feel like throwing up.

-*-

It had turned out to be a pretty sweet arrangement. They had found a two bedroom flat only slightly closer to Kuroo's campus which meant Kenma had to catch a train and a bus to get to school. He didn't mind since the apartment had been a steal. Besides two bedrooms it had a joint kitchen/living room and one full bath. It also had heat but only a window unit for air and it had recently been painted. The rooms were small but the boys didn't need much. They obtained used furniture with the help of both their parents and Kenma had been allowed to bring his small television. Plus, they had their own computers so entertainment was no issue since they couldn't really afford cable. The building did not have its own onsite laundry but a laundromat was only half a block away which added to the apartment's appeal. The best part was its location put it almost center to several student frequented pubs, coffee houses, and an Internet cafe. Kuroo had been the one to apartment shop since Kenma still had a few weeks left of high school and he had done well with his choice.

He had also found employment with a sportswear retailer and Kenma ended up working for a small, up and coming tech company courtesy of an online friend.

They rapidly settled into a routine, already having been used to spending ungodly amounts of time with each other over the last ten plus years. The awkwardness that Kuroo experienced in the first few weeks quickly morphed into an easy comfort. He couldn't have been more at ease.

And so, days and months passed. School was good. Volleyball was awesome. His job was okay. Life, for Kuroo, was good.

For a while, that is.

-*-

One of the good things about sharing a two bedroom flat was privacy. Kuroo had initially worried that he would be forced to play the reluctant observer of Kenma and Hinata's relationship again. They'd been together over a year now and he prayed that they'd cooled off the heavy passion they once had. However, if they had, he would never have known because Kenma kept most of his relationship to the privacy of his bedroom. With the exception of his many texts, phone conversations and Skype calls where conducted behind closed doors. The most Kuroo had to deal with was occasional squealing and laughter. It was a godsend.

After a while, Kuroo found, to his utter excitement and relief, that the indirect exposure he had to Kenma and Hinata's relationship seemed to dull the feelings. It was if he was finally moving on. While there existed a lingering ache in his chest, one that stemmed from regret, he no longer felt the cloying, overwhelming bitterness that once threatened to bury him. He genuinely felt happy for them.

Surprisingly Hinata never visited, his parents forbidding their teenage son to travel so far to stay, unsupervised, with his boyfriend. Kuroo was thankful, not wanting to rock the boat of his waning feelings. No need to push his luck, right?

His real test came during Nationals. Hinata's team had made it once again and they would be in Tokyo for the weekend which meant an impending visit from the spunky middle blocker. Kuroo refused to admit he was nervous.

As the days approached, Kuroo found himself to be far to busy to worry as much over Hinata's arrival, his team having made it to collegiate Nationals. Between studying, work, and volleyball he had little time to consider Hinata and he was grateful.

One evening Kuroo was heading home from a particularly brutal practice as his team prepared for their tournament. He was sore and exhausted and he dreaded the climb up three flights to get to his apartment. Three, two hour practices a day were killing him.

He barely made it up the stairs, drained and panting, and unlocked his door. "I'm home." He grunted into what he thought was an empty house as he dropped his sports bag on the floor by the door and kicked off his shoes before leaning heavily against the door.

"Kuroo-san." A voiced quietly called.

Kuroo's eyes shot open and he jerked upright. He had totally forgotten this was the weekend Hinata would be visiting. His eyes immediately found the crow, not surprising since he couldn't have hid anywhere besides the bathroom or Kenma's bedroom.

Kuroo's eyes widened as he tried desperately not to gawk at the man before him, because the face that looked back at him no longer belonged to a boy.

In two years, Hinata had grown several centimeters though the younger man was still shorter than Kuroo. He'd also filled out having lost the last of his baby fat. Instead, Hinata was lean and muscular, years of intense physical exercise and training defining the smooth muscle that was evident under his close fitting, blue t-shirt and the grey skinny jeans he wore. Kuroo had a fleeting thought that those jeans probably hugged his perfect ass (and oh how he wished Hinata would turn around).

He'd also cut his hair. Where the ginger once sported messy, wild curls, Hinata now carried a fresh, clean style that framed his still delicate features. His hair was still that sunset rust that haunted the raven's dreams and Kuroo's hand twitched at his side remembering how soft it was, wanting more than anything to run his hand through it again and he curled his hand into a fist reflexively, refusing to indulge the thought.

While Hinata still looked the same - wide, amber eyes and pouty lips - his features had lost the boyishness of childhood and grown to hint at the man he would become. His jawline was more defined but still so smooth. Even his voice had deepened a little.

Kuroo had always thought Hinata was attractive in a cute, boyish sense. However, it was nothing compared to the living Adonis that stood in his living room now. Kuroo was pretty sure he had never laid eyes on a sexier human.

Hinata stood in his living room, calm and confident, his eyes still holding the same sparkle as the younger boy he once was. Some things never changed. His smile was just as magnificent as it had always been but it began to falter the longer Kuroo hovered by the door, staring like he was afraid Hinata would bite him.

"Did...I mean, is it okay...um?" He stuttered nervously, his hand fidgeting with the seam on jeans. His eyes darted around the room. When he turned his head the light in the room glinted off a small stud in his ear. He glanced back at Kuroo, shy, a soft pink dusting his cheeks. Kuroo thought he might die right there.

The older male mentally slapped himself, struggling to regain composure before he freaked out his roommate's boyfriend. "Oh..yeah, sorry, Chibi-chan." Kuroo was having the most difficult time not openly staring which meant his eyes were roaming anywhere but by the couch where Hinata had jumped up the moment Kuroo entered the apartment. His presence was making it hard to think.

Hinata's smile returned, something soft but no less amazing, "It's cool! Kenma just ran out to the store and should be back any moment."

Kuroo had to get out of there and collect himself. He couldn't be there when Kenma returned and face the two of them together.

"Cool...yeah. I'm gonna hit the shower."

"Oh...okay. It's good to see you again." His voice held a hint of disappointment and some unidentifiable emotion flashed in his amber eyes, but Kuroo was too preoccupied with escaping before he could make a bigger fool of himself.

"Oh, yeah, you too, Chibi-chan." Kuroo tried not to run into his room. His mind was a chaotic mess as he grabbed his clothes and bath supplies. He headed back out to the bathroom, glancing at Hinata as he went. The ginger was back on the couch, reclining and reading a volleyball magazine. Before the raven mess entered the bathroom he stopped, his presence catching Hinata's attention who had turned to watch him, curiosity and...sadness...maybe, mixed together on his beautiful face.

"Um...you look good, Hinata." Kuroo caught sight of that lovely smile again and the blush that dusted Hinata's cheeks before he entered the bathroom and closed the door. It should be illegal to be that hot when you blush.

-*-

The raven stood beneath the shower for a long time. Another perk of the apartment was that the hot water tended to last a while which was great when your muscles needed the heat to relax. However, Kuroo didn't even notice when the water started cooling, lost in his thoughts as he was.

He had figured that the feelings he'd harbored so long had eased up. That while he still cared for his kohai he no longer carried the pining, one-sided love he had once been desperate to be rid of. How wrong had he been! One look at Hinata and everything he'd pushed down came bubbling up leaving him an emotional mess in a cold shower. Kuroo lightly pounded the wall before him as he leaned his forehead against it. It was so unfair, he didn't want these feelings.

There was a knock at the bathroom door that startled him, making him jump and forcing him back to reality. "Hey Kuroo!" It was Kenma's voice. "Sho will have to leave soon, do you ever plan on coming out to visit or have you turned into a fish?" He heard giggling. Fuck! He preferred to stay in the water and if he could become a fish he'd do it in a heart beat if it meant he could skip playing host to the man in his living room. Why did the universe hate him so much!?

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."

"Good, cause I made dinner."

Kuroo's stomach growled. He hadn't eaten since lunch and with all the activity of practice he had a pretty intense need to feed. However, he didn't think he could with Hinata sitting in his home in all his tempting glory.

Kuroo grimaced as he thought about his reaction upon finding the orange-haired devil in his house. The raven had always been confident and suave. In conjunction with his looks his personality made it easy for him to settle comfortably into any given social situation he found himself. Unless, that is, you throw Hinata Shōyō into the mix wherein Kuroo became a bumbling idiot. Where was his trade mark charm and wit when he needed it!?

He slowly finished his shower and dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt he headed out to join his friend(s). Towel still around his neck he trudged to the ktichen table, taking a seat opposite Hinata and tried very hard not to gaze longingly at him, which proved to be very difficult.

Both boys had been laughing at some anecdote Hinata was sharing but they stopped once Kuroo sat down. Two sets of eyes turned to him. He gave a half-hearted smile and looked at the table.

"Everything okay, Kuroo?" Kenma asked, his typical flat, uninterested tone mixing with a sprinkling of concern. The raven looked up and pointedly met Kenma's eyes. He worried he lacked the self-control to keep his emotions in check so avoided Hinata's gaze. "Yeah, long practice."

"That's right! I heard your team made it to Nationals too! How awesome is that?!" Hinata was beaming a smile at Kuroo who nearly winced from the splendor of it. This whole interaction was verging on physically painful for the middle blocker.

"Yeah, it is. Congrats on your team making it as well." He gave Hinata a weak smile before looking away toward the stove. "You said something about food, Kenchan?" Kuroo was already on the move before he received an answer; his back would be facing them allowing him to breathe a little easier.

"Oi, don't call me that, Baka!" Kenma glared at him and Hinata giggled. Kuroo couldn't help the small smile that made its way to his face hearing the sound of Hinata's laughter. It was cute, the tenor of it mixing with his childlike glee. He pulled a bowl from the cupboard and filled it with curry before returning to his seat.

The talk around the table resumed as Kuroo picked at his food and desperately tried to act as if Hinata's appearance wasn't causing him intense emotional distress. When neither Hinata or Kenma were paying attention, he allowed himself to let his eyes linger on the red-head. The sweep of his hair and how the trimmed line followed the soft curves of his head. The curve of his ear to the plump lobe that was punctures by a simple silver stud. The curvature of his neck when his head turned or tilted. Kuroo could barely stop the images of running his fingers along all those curves, trailing his lips along his throat, nibbling at the dip between his neck and shoulder and leaving a mark, signifying Hinata belonged to him.

But he didn't, and it was embarrassing that he could think these things as he sat next to Kenma.

This whole ordeal could not be over soon enough. Yet, he wanted it to last longer.

Definitely a masochist.

Eventually, talk wound down as the time for Hinata's departure arrived. All three boys rose as the smallest of them shuffled to the door and began putting on his shoes and coat.

"I figured you'd be staying over." Kuroo didn't know why he'd asked, obviously he wasn't. He wasn't ready for Hinata to disappear out of his life again. These short interactions left him feeling dry and empty like a well that was once full. But that was exactly the problem and Kuroo couldn't have him here.

Hinata frowned up at the taller man as he slipped on his coat. "We have our final game tomorrow and I promised I wouldn't. In fact I'm running a little late, but, well, they'll survive. I needed to see Ken." He smiled shyly up at his boyfriend. A year later and they were still bashful around each other. Kuroo suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"Anyway, I left work a little early to make sure we spent some quality time together before you got home." Kenma grinned at Kuroo and winked at his boyfriend eliciting a playful smack on the arm from Hainata. "Don't be crass." He giggled. Kuroo could have vomited right there. He really didn't want to know about Kenma's sexual escapades with Hinata. He really didn't want the idea of sex and Hinata to inhabit the same space as him, especially if it didn't include Kuroo.

The raven's jealousy was briefly suspended when he was suddenly dragged into a hug by the shorter middle blocker. Kuroo didn't know what to do. The upside - he was elated as Hinata's body was completely pressed up against his and Kuroo could feel the muscles, hard and taught against his clothes. Against his better judgement Kuroo hesitantly wrapped an arm around Hinata's waist and lightly squeezed. He inhaled as he did so, the younger man's scent intoxicating and sending his head spinning. His cologne was light with a hint of mint. Kuroo very nearly groaned having never been this close...this intimate with the ginger. He didn't want to let go but did so, reluctantly, as Hinata stepped back, a gentle smile pulling at his lips and Kuroo leaned against the wall, his arms crossed, and looked down at the floor willing the blush that threatened to creep across his face to stay away. He could still feel Hinata in his arms. That was the downside, having to let go and needing more. Kuroo inwardly sobbed.

"Don't be a stranger, you dumb cat. You know, you're my friend too." Hinata was still smiling at him and a small smile flickered across Kuroo's face as he briefly looked up into those fiery amber eyes. His hand twitched against his arm as he denied his impulse to reach out and tuck the stray hair behind the younger's ear or caress his smooth jaw. Anything to just. touch. him. But Kuroo didn't and he inhaled then looked up to meet those eyes and nodded.

Hinata turned to his boyfriend and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him into a kiss. Kenma chuckled and leaned in, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's trim waist as Hinata's arms snaked up and around Kenma's neck. The simple kiss turned into something more intimate as they closed their eyes, tongues seeking each other. Kuroo wanted to look away, he tried, but Hinata all of a sudden opened his eyes and looked right at _him_! Kuroo froze, his hazel eyes locking into Hinata's amber ones. It was only a brief moment but there was something that passed between them, then it was over.

There were moments when the raven thought he felt something between them. It'd happened on occasion, before he'd left for college. However, Kuroo had never been completely sure and he never tested his theory. What would that have accomplished except to destroy everything?

But that look.

It took all his strength to walk away and Kuroo retreated to his bedroom. This night had quickly gone to shit he thought as he took a seat on his bed, staring at his hands. He could _still_ feel the heat from Hinata's body on his. It washed over him like waves, soaking him in want and despair.

And that look. Kuroo groaned quietly in the privacy of his bedroom, palming himself through his sweats, his dick twitching against his hand at the contact as he was half hard and growing harder. Hinata looking at him as he kissed Kenma had set his blood on fire with jealousy and a hunger that would not be satiated until he fed it.

How long had it been since he'd been laid? He'd been so busy that he hadn't taken time to go out and have any real fun lately. Well, tonight seemed as good as any in a city with some of the greatest night life in the world.

Kuroo reached for his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He called up his second best buddy. _"O-HO! O-HOHO! IF IT ISNT MY FAVORITE CAT!"_ The voice on the other end was loud and energetic, full of promise of mischief. Kuroo could feel himself relaxing. He was still exhausted from practice but the energy that was building in him came from a different source.

"Bro! Dude! What are you up to, got any plans tonight?"

_"Uh..."_ the sound of shuffling, _"Kinda late, don't ya think?"_

Kuroo clicked his tongue. "Since when has that stopped us or has Akaashi finally shortened your leash?" Kuroo's eyes glinted dangerously in the dim light of his room.

Bokuto Kōtarō snorted into the phone and apparently covered the receiver since Kuroo only heard muffled voices. _"What do you have in mind?"_ Was his reply when he returned.

"Fuck, I have a bit of a sweet tooth."

Chuckling from the other end. _"I got ya, man. See ya in an hour, you know where."_

Kuroo hung up and threw on some snug jeans and a form fitting sweater, something to accentuate his muscular build. Bokuto was his best wingman.

-*-

It was late when Kuroo finally returned somewhat inebriated , a sweet piece of ass in tow, drunk as well and hanging on his arm. He tried to be quiet as he entered, knowing Kenma would be sleeping, but drunkenness rarely allowed for any amount of grace, and they both entered the apartment in a tangle of limbs, lips, and barely suppressed laughter. Kuroo and his date shed clothes as they clumsily made their way to Kuroo's bedroom, no thought as to how Kenma might feel when he woke.

Kuroo closed his door once they were in and slammed the guy against it. He wasn't Hinata but he'd do in a pinch, and Kuroo was definitely in a bind. He needed to work off some frustration.

-*-

Kuroo was awakened by the frighteningly loud sound of his alarm clock jarring his still alcohol-induced fuzzy brain. He felt the bed shift next to him before he registered an arm slide off his chest. Oh, yeah. The guy. What was his name? Ueshi-something.

Kuroo groaned and grabbed his phone, looking at the time. He'd had maybe three hours of sleep and he was still slightly drunk. His day was gonna be a bitch.

Speaking of, Ueshi-something rolled over, facing Kuroo, blinking the sleep from his eyes. Kuroo silently watched, his face impassive. This dude had nothing on Hinata.

Ueshi-something sweetly smiled up at Kuroo. "You're an early riser." He teased, his smile slipping into a grin. Kuroo grinned back. He may not have been as hot as Hinata but he was still cute. "I have practice." He replied, his voice low and raspy from lack of sleep.

The young man stretched and wrapped an arm around Kuroo's waist as he snuggled up to him and Kuroo ran his hand through his short, dark hair. Ueshi-something purred and ground his half-hard dick into the taller raven's thigh. "You have a little extra time?" Kuroo chuckled, this guy had stamina. He trailed his finger down the young man's jaw and tilted his chin so he could kiss him. "I can make time." He whispered into his mouth as he watched his pupils dilate.

-*-

As Kuroo had suspected, his practices were savage. A full day of practice added to a drunken night filled with animal-quality sex on top of another day of practice left Kuroo in a massive amount of physical discomfort and extremely irritable. His teammates could tell he'd had a rough night, teasing him about it relentlessly and, still, Kuroo swallowed his exhaustion in order to perform. Later, as he trudged home, dead tired, he swore he'd never do something as stupid as the previous evening. By the time he got home he was barely conscious and he mumbled an "I'm home" before stumbling into his room and throwing himself into his bed. He was comatose before his head hit his pillow.

The next morning he felt more refreshed, though still a bit worn out. His team played in their own tournament the following day and their coach had been generous to give them a day of rest. The middle blocker thanked whatever providence existed because his only plans were to lounge around his living room in his pajamas while watching trashy television. Maybe he would even study.

Kuroo shuffled out of his bedroom and into the bathroom as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Ten minutes later, clean and dressed, he felt as if he'd joined the living. He stepped out of his bedroom to find Kenma sitting at the kitchen table, his nose in his PsP and a cup of coffee next to him.

Kuroo made his way to the coffee pot feeling as grateful as he ever had for ground, roasted coffee beans and hot water. He poured himself a cup adding a dollop of milk before joining his roommate at the table. Kuroo wasn't surprised when Kenma didn't acknowledge his presence.

"I didn't expect you home today."

Kenma didn't say anything at first as he finished whatever little trial demanded his attention. When he was finished he returned Kuroo's statement with one of his own. "I didn't expect to be woken up by screaming and moaning in the middle of the night, but hey, life is full of surprises."

Kuroo felt his face heat up to a degree he'd never known he could reach. He'd been drunk enough that night not to care about how his actions would affect his roommate and too exhausted yesterday to remember. Now he sat there feeling ashamed.

"Yeah, about that Kenma...sorry."

Kenma looked up at him then, mild irritation behind his gold, cat-like eyes. "Kuroo, what you do and who you fuck is your business. I only ask you keep it down so the adults can get their rest."

Kuroo grinned, feeling the tension leaving his body. At least Kenma could joke about it. "I can't help that I rock in the sack."

"Gross." Kenma replied, rolling his eyes. "That's a visual I don't need." 

"Please like this body hasn't haunted your dreams."

They both laughed at themselves, then Kenma said, "You haven't seen Sho naked."

Not what Kuroo wanted to hear. Especially since he'd privately imagined it on more than one occasion. "Yeah, right." He attempted a disinterested chuckle and hid his grimace behind his coffee cup as he sipped the liquid heat, trying to cover up his embarrassment. "He's grown up." He tried to make his words as casual as possible.

Kenma's eyes left his game for a brief second to send his friend a gloating smirk. Seriously? The raven fought off the urge to flip off his friend and rolled his eyes instead.

"Anyway, what are you doing home?" Kuroo asked wanting to steer the conversation away from naked Hinata.

"I had the day off  from work so I figured I'd make it complete and skip my classes today."

"Me too." Kuroo admitted. "We aren't practicing today because of the tournament so I took the day off work." Kuroo didn't have class on Fridays.

Silence settled over them, the sounds of video game music echoing loudly in the otherwise quiet kitchen. Kuroo sipped on his rapidly cooling coffee thankful for the silence but also hating it. Hating the subtle tension in the air between them that never used to exist. It felt like the invisible strings that tied to together for so long had been stretched so tight that any sudden movement, one wrong decision, would snap it, unraveling years of laughter and tears, of a friendship so deep that a young Kuroo had believed nothing and no one could ever come between them. He couldn't stand it any longer, Kenma was like his brother and the older male refused to allow the distance between them.

Kuroo set his mug down and looked at the blonde sitting across from him, a small glint in his eyes. "Got any plans today?"

He could forego his lazy day for this.

Kenma grinned over his DS. It had been a while since they'd hung out.

-*-

_"BRO!"_

It was two weeks after Nationals. Kuroo's team had not won though they made it to the final round. They'd played in front of a massive audience and they'd played their hearts out. It'd been close but ultimately the other team had taken the victory. It had hurt but they'd almost made it and their defeat had left them thirsting for victory the following year.

Kuroo was at work and just finishing up inventory in the back room and it was the end of his shift. He'd made his way to his locker where he hung up his apron and name tag, grabbing his wallet, phone, and coat when it started ringing and Bokuto's name popped up.

**Incoming Call**  
 **Dumb Owl** (His contact name was Dumb Cat in his friend's phone.)

Kuroo grinned as he flipped open his phone, Bokuto's boisterous voice coming in loud enough for anyone near enough to hear. "BRO!" Kuroo answered just as energetically. Hinata and Bokuto could have been brothers in a past life, Kuroo chuckled.

_"Dude, tell me you're not doing anything right now."_

"I'm not doing anything right now."

Bokuto laughed into the receiver and Kuroo had to pull the phone away from his ear. _"Good, Kashi and I are bored. Wanna hang?"_

Kuroo considered it. His team was currently on a break since Nationals ended. "Man, as much fun as drinking sounds, don't think I'm quite up to another go tonight. Besides, Kenma hasn't completely forgiven me for the last time." Bokuto chuckled on the other end. _"Poor thing. Didn't know what he'd gotten himself into when he roomed with you."_

"I should have warned him, but I had't planned to bring anyone home since we moved in together. I think I traumatized him." There was a snort at the other end. _"I'm pretty sure he's used to your antics. Besides, it's probably nothing you haven't dealt with between him and Hinata."_

Kuroo closed his eyes and supressed a groan. Is the world determined to remind him of their relationship at every turn? "Hinata's only been here once and Kenma is a lot more considerate, thank god. I don't think I could have handled that."

_"Awww...Onichan having a hard time letting him grow up?_

Kuroo winced. "Yeah...something like that." Kuroo attempted to get the conversation back on track. "So, maybe next time, man?"

_"Hah?! You punkin' out on me, fucker?"_ Kuroo laughed and replied, "No, asshole, just slowing down a bit. How about dinner instead?"

_"Fine, old man. Let's hit up that diner we ate at a couple months ago. Let's say an hour and a half? You know how Kashi likes to take his time making himself pretty."_ Kuroo could hear Akaashi say something in response but couldn't make it out. It put Bokuto in his place, however, because it was a whole minute as Kuroo listen to his buddy beg forgiveness.

He was laughing at Bokuto's clumsy attempts to appease his boyfriend when he returned to the conversation. _"Oi, not funny, dude! Kashi's mean."_ Kuroo chuckled again knowing that Bokuto thought the world of his boyfriend.

"Okay, man. I'll see you guys there in a bit."

_"Later."_

He hung up and headed back to his apartment to throw on something presentable before catching a train. The weather was still cold so he opted for a cream colored, wool sweater and black jeans and his favorite leather jacket. He was done in no time and arrived at the restaurant before his friends. He sat down and ordered a beer while he played on his phone.

The evening his team had lost the Nationals he was at home dozing in his bed, worn out after a long game when he'd received a text. When he'd checked his phone Hinata's name had popped up, Kuroo's heart rate had sped up by about one hundred beats per minute. He could count on one hand the number of times his crush had contacted him and four of those conversations had been Kenma related. He knew Kenma was in his own room and couldn't fathom why the orange-haired high schooler would be texting him. He had opened the phone to find a simple condolence about his loss.

**8:47PM**

**Chibichan:** Hey Cat! Just wanted to say sorry about your loss. (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

**8:47PM**

**Chibichan:** Keep your head up! *\0/*

Kuroo could only stare at his phone then. It was his first message from Hinata that was meant specifically for him. _Why now?_ He'd asked himself. Kuroo had lost plenty of games and he'd never texted or called. So why do so now? Kuroo found himself feeling a little annoyed. If only Hinata knew what this kind of thing did to him. 

**8:50pm**

**Kuroo:** Thanks, Chibichan. I'm good. A cat always lands on his feet, we'll get them next time.   
(=^-ω-^=)

Kuroo closed his phone and thought about going to bed but, despite his annoyance (and his conscience), he rolled back over and grabbed his phone. 

**8:52PM**

**Kuroo:** Congrats on winning your own game, btw! You deserved it! d(-_^)

Did he just use emojis? Yes. Yes, he did. A pitiful and underhanded way to flirt. He was a very sad man.

Kuroo read and re-read his message before sighing and hitting send. It wouldn't get any better no matter how many times he critiqued it. All he wanted was to continue the conversation, even if he sounded lame. 

He had waited and waited and after a half hour gave up. It was a long shot that Hinata would continue talking to him. Eventually he put his phone away and went to bed. However, he woke the next morning to find a new text and his heart started racing again, even if the message was a few hours after he'd sent his. 

**11:37PM**

**Chibichan:** (*'▽｀*) Thanks! (#^.^#) 

Kuroo had nearly choked when he read that. If he definitely hadn't known better, he'd have thought Hinata had been flirting back. He briefly considered brining it up with Kenma. Then a more selfish, jealous thought intruded, one that told him that regardless of the intent, Kuroo should just keep it to himself. So, he had. And he had re-read the message over and over.

Just as he did sitting in the restaurant, sipping beer and waiting on Bokuto and Akaashi. No matter how many times he looked at the message the same warm feeling spread out from his heart, heating his entire being. He felt stupid and pathetic that such a small gesture could make him feel so high, yet, he couldn't bring himself to care so much that he deleted the texts.

It just felt so damn good!

Kuroo looked up to see his friends enter the restaurant and catch his eye. As they made their way to him he quickly shut his phone and welcomed his long time friends.

"BRO OHO!" Bokuto was loud enough to turn a few heads in irritation. Both Kuroo and Akaashi, having grown used to Bokuto's outbursts, barely registered any of the offending looks. Bokuto wrapped Kuroo in a crushing hug, lifting him off the ground and laughing like a drunken viking. Kuroo was grinning and knuckling his head, demanding to be put down so he could greet Akaashi who settled for a more reserved dip of his head and a "Hello, Kuroo-san."

"Akaashi, one day your gonna drop the honorifics and treat me as if we've known each other since high school." Kuroo chuckled as he sat down. Akaashi only smiled but there was a gleam in his eye. He knew Kuroo didn't like formalities and most likely did it just to mess with him.

"So what's new, Kuroo?" Bokuto asked as he flagged the waiter down. "Sorry to hear about your loss, man. That's rough." The look in his eyes indicated worry. Kuroo knew that his owlish friend and his significant other could relate to his frustration, their team had lost during the second round in the preliminaries. Any loss was a check to a players ego.

Kuroo ran his hand through his hair, "Aww, it's good. I mean, it sucks, but what can you do? Stonger team and all."

"Yeah, man. Still, it's gotta smart."

They sat in silence for a moment thinking of all the missed plays and mistakes that could have been avoided before the waiter made their appearance. Bokuto ordered a round of beers (his treat) and when their drinks arrived they toasted to a better season the coming year. Then they settled into lighter conversation as they ordered food and simply enjoyed each others company. Kuroo was glad he'd agreed to come out.

"How's Kenma?" Akaashi pipped in during a lull in conversation.

Kuroo shrugged. "He's good. He keeps busy with school and working like the rest of us."

"He still seeing Hinata?"

Kuroo inwardly cringed, Hinata not being his favorite topic. He pushed back on the table, pressing himself into the back of his chair and stretching, allowing himself a moment to collect himself before answering. "Yeah, they're still together." It wasn't as if his friends knew of his feelings, they were something he's never admitted aloud. Still, he alwalys worried someone would catch on if he talked about him. Feelings that ran as deep as his were hard to hide.

"He came out a few weeks ago, his team had made it to Nationals and he stopped by for a very brief visit."

Bokuto snorted. "Poor Kenma. It's gotta suck having your boyfriend living so far away. I bet you didn't see much of them." He laughed at his own joke and Kuroo involuntarily flinched before catching himself and shrugging. "We visited a bit."

Kuroo was silent a moment as he stared into his beer, images of Hinata filling his mind. "He looks different, more mature. He's grown up and it suits him." Kuroo felt a small smile tug at his lips. His description did little to fully describe just how grown up the kid had looked.

Kuroo looked up from his beer and his gaze was drawn to Akaashi who was watching him, a curious look in his grey-blue eyes. Shit. Did he suspect anything? Kuroo was prettey talented at reading others, it was part of what made him a good volleyball player, but Akaashi was on a whole different level. Very little made it past that steely gaze when it locked on to new and important information. Kuroo looked away quickly and regretted the move, he might as well have just confessed as guilty as the move was. However, if the raven setter concluded anything he didn't speak up.

"Ahhh...I miss my little Kohai. Hey! He's in his third year, right?"

Kuroo was so ready to be done with the line of conversation. "Yeah, I guess."

"I wonder what his plans are after graduation?" Bokuto mused more to himself rather than the two sitting with him. "I'm gonna text him and ask." He declared as he pulled out his phone.

"Love," Akaashi interjected, "Perhaps you should wait until a more appropriate moment." Bokuto stared at him, confused. "But I wanna know if he's gonna continue playing and where. I'd like to scoop him up before Kuroo does."

Kuroo nearly chocked in his beer.

The raven needed to change the topic quickly so he chose something volleyball related. He couldn't stomach any more Hinata talk and, frankly, he didn't want to know where the ginger planned to go. Whether it was in Tokyo or America, Kuroo was bound to pine away his time until he could find a way to get over him. It was a thought that depressed him and he wanted to continue to enjoy his evening. The volleyball trick had worked, hooking Bokuto into a humorously animated diatribe about one of his rival teams.

Akaashi continued to watch Kuroo. Kuroo ignored him.

They finished their evening with no more Hinata and without Akaashi calling Kuroo out on his feelings. He suspected Akaashi had figured out all he needed to know within mintues of bringing up the orange-haired middle blocker and Kuroo silently cursed himself for his lack of vigilance.

He walked out with his friends and they accompanied Kuroo to the train station. Their train came first and the raven, sad their evening had ended so soon, sighed in relief as he was released from Akaashi's inquisitive brow.

Kuroo's train arrived and he headed home, thoughts of Hinata and Akaashi juggling around in his brain.

-*-

The rest of the year went by quickly and Kuroo passed his classes without incident. The end of your second year meant you needed to choose your focus of study and Kuroo had chosen sports medicine, specifically Rehabilitation Sciences.

Kuroo was on the train headed home and perusing his class list when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, the familiar chime indicating Kenma was calling.

Kuroo pulled his phone out and flipped it open only half paying attention, deep in thought about his upcoming classes.

"Kuroo, when are you coming home?"

"Uh...I'm on my way now." Kuroo was thinking about switching one of his general electives to a pre-requisite that would count as an elective in order to kill two birds with one stone. It would be a lot to handle, no easy classes, mostly writing intensive and labs but the particular class he was thinking of was one that interested him. He should be okay.

The raven had been so absorbed in his thoughts it had taken a full minute to register that Kenma was speaking to him.

"Yeah, and the apartment burned down. I attempted rescue a kitten but I died in the process...,"

Kuroo's brow knitted in confusion. "What the hell are you on about, Kenchan?"

Kenma sighed, "Seriously, stop calling me that, and I was trying to tell you we need to talk when you return but you went radio silence so I thought I'd tell you a fucking story." Kuroo chuckled, "Sorry, I was preoccupied with my classes for next semester." It hit him that Kenma mentioned something about a talk when he got home. "Wait. We have to talk? About what?"

"Now your interested." Kuroo could hear Kenma roll his eyes in the other end.

Kuroo had a bad feeling and his stomach knotted into a nervous ball in anticipation. There was something about Kenma's voice that had him sweating bullets.

"What would the topic of this conversation be?"

"Shōyō. Can we talk about it when you get home?"

Kuroo felt his stomach drop. "Sure." He barely replied. What was Kenma planning?

-*-

Kuroo sat at the kitchen table with Kenma who'd made dinner. Kuroo was too nervous to eat but picked at it enough to cover up any anxiety that he felt that Kenma might pick up on.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Kenma fiddled with his fork, an excited glint in his eye that he barely suppressed with his trademark indifference.

"Yeah, so I have a proposition for you." Kuroo raised a dark eyebrow, he didn't trust himself to speak. Kenma continued, "I don't know if you heard but Sho was scouted for your team and he accepted. He'll be attending your school in the fall."

That knot that had started twisting in Kuroo's stomach on the train morphed onto a ball of lead. Hinata would be attending school with him, and not just school, but also joining his team. What kind of cruel twist of fate...what kind of horrible thing he done in a past life to deserve such torture?!

Kuroo was staring into his bowl as Kenma continued to talk about plans. Kuroo couldn't breathe and was struggling to fight off a panic attack when he heard the words "Shōyō " and "roommate" among the many words tumbling out of the blonde's mouth.

"Wait, what?! What about Hinata and roommates?!" The questions popped out of Kuroo with a kind of desperately, fierce squeal.

Kenma snapped his mouth shut in confusion and worry. His cat-like eyes flowed with curiosity as they searched Kuroo's face for the reason behind his outburst. With every fiber of his being, Kuroo schooled his face and voice into something more fitting of him and not some scared, feral animal that's been backed into a corner.

"I said that I thought it would be a great idea for him to move in with us..." Kenma began tentatively.

"No." Kuroo could not let that happen. It was bad enough he'd have to attend the same school and play on the same team, and at one point he would have looked forward to it, but now...it just couldn't happen. No way.

Kenma's face dropped into a frown. "What's wrong with Sho moving in with us?"

"No, Kenma."

"A reason, Kuroo."

_Because I love your dumb boyfriend and if he moves in and I have to watch you touch him again, I think I might actually die!_ Was what Kuroo wanted to scream at his best friend. Instead he sighed, composing himself, and simply stating, "I'm pretty sure the landlord would not want three men living in a two bedroom apartment. Think how that might look. Plus, we've already renewed our lease."

Kenma raised an eyebrow, his raven-haired friend had never been one to care what others thought. "He wouldn't mind. In fact, I've already spoken with him and he said as long as we make our rent on time he didn't care and could have a new lease drawn up as soon as Sho was ready to move in."

Kuroo sat in shock, staring at Kenma in disbelief. "You already spoke to him?" The blonde nodded. "I thought it would expedite the process and frankly I didn't think you'd mind." Kenma paused, then asked, "Any other objections?"

"Plenty." Kuroo stated. "I don't want another roommate."

Kenma purses his lips in irritation. "Kuroo, what's going on? Why don't you want Sho to move in?"

"Our apartment is already small enough and another person would just make it more crowded."

"He only plans to bring what he needs and most of it will be confined to my room."

"I don't want to room with a teammate. I have to spend enough time with them."

"He'd have a job, like us. You'd spend little time with him at home, just like we see little of each other because of our schedules. What's going on, Tetsurō? Why don't you want Shōyō here?"

What was he supposed to say? The look in those gold, cat-like eyes were reading Kuroo like a book and if Kuroo didn't do something Kenma would figure out the true reason he didn't want Hinata living with them.

"Fine." It was the only option Kuroo could find that didn't have him spilling his guts about his feelings for the blonde's significant other. It was stupid. It was dangerous. It was the worst idea in the world and Kuroo was stuck.

How was he going to survive?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kuroo just keeps falling deeper and deeper and the universe just continues to add to his already heavy shoulders. Poor baby. *cue evil laughter* Mwahahaha! 
> 
> A storm is brewing, my friends. Let's hope our little volleyball nerds can weather it.
> 
> Also, b eta-readers...anyone? Hello?


	3. Sunshine in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth was Kuroo wasn't ready to let go. It sounded stupid; who in their right mind chooses to continue on the same road when there is a brick wall in your way? But love is dumb, and blind, and masochistic. It's choosing the wrong road on purpose because there's always the fucking chance that the wall will collapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are my friends. Sorry it took so long, I know, I suck. I did warn you. HAHA! *sigh*
> 
> Anyway, I need to thank Epher for beta-ing this, without your help I'm sure this would suck way more! You are awesome!! 
> 
> Chapter four is nearly done so hopefully the time between updates won't be so slow. 
> 
> Also, thanks for all your awesome comments! You really know how to make a person feel good! Love you all!! Plus, 500 hits! I'm floored! 
> 
> So, with humble gratitude, hope you enjoy!!
> 
> BIMB :)

It was everything Kuroo thought it would be.

It was every torture, every desperate, cringe-worthy experience Kuroo was sure that living with Kenma and Hinata would result in.

It was slowly killing him.

Hinata moved in as soon as he graduated, bringing with him only his essentials and his most favorite belongings. As promised, most of Hinata's things were stowed away in Kenma's room. The most their new orange-haired roomie added to their already cramped space was a favorite mug for hot chocolate and a few posters added to their collection on the living room walls.

 However, it was enough to drive Kuroo crazy, having to open the cupboard in the kitchen where they kept their own mugs and finding Hinata's or sitting in the living room and staring at the newest posters of the Little Giant mid-jump. The younger male's things really did take up little space but for Kuroo it was if his apartment was completely filled with Hinata’s presence and it was suffocating.

 Kuroo did his best to avoid the both of them, either keeping to his room or working extra shifts in order to stay busy. Kuroo knew that his behavior was suspicious being the natural social butterfly he was but every look that passed between them that he witnessed, every shy smile that touched Hinata's lips, every time Kenma's bedroom door closed for the night drove Kuroo insane with ridiculous envy. He'd do what he had to do in order not to lose it in front of his best friend and his best friend's boyfriend.

 Kuroo's struggles weren’t limited to their shared apartment. Not only did he suffer at home, but he suffered on campus, too. Specifically the gym.

 Volleyball practice was its own specific brand of agony.

 Such as the locker room where Kuroo caught peeks of pale, creamy flesh between changes of clothes. He never looked outright, because, come on, he was a gentleman and gentleman did NOT gawk at their best friend's half-naked (sometimes fully naked) lover. Not to mention, Kuroo doubted he had the self-control to keep from taking Hinata there and then if he were ever granted a full view of all the bare skin that years of aching desire had created in him.

Then there were the team stretches. From high school Kuroo had memories of a flexible Hinata. He'd just never noticed _how_ flexible the small middle blocker was.

Currently, Hinata was on his left side, leaning on his elbow. He had pulled one leg into his chest and he had his free arm hooked under the knee. What had caught Kuroo's attention was how effortlessly Hinata straightened that one leg and rolled his ankle before slowly and precisely rocking into a split. Again with slow movement, he rolled from his waist to head, spine moving like an ocean wave, before repositioning himself on his right and repeated the stretch with his opposite leg. He had carried on his conversation with his partner as if he had not just inspired phantom pain in everyone's groin.

A random teammate- Kuroo was too busy gaping and sweating to notice who- shouted "Goddamn, Hinata, where did you learn to do that!?" There was a rippling of laughter around the gym.

Kuroo was glad he had not been the only one with a shocked expression because he couldn't help how his eyes widened and his jaw went slack as his thoughts went wild with all the dirty ways he could contort Hinata's small frame and fuck him into the gym floor.

Hinata on the other hand merely grinned shyly, his eyes flicking to Kuroo who looked away immediately, then shrugged his shoulders before replying, "Natural ability, I guess?" Followed by another smattering of chuckling from their team. Kuroo had to close his eyes and tell himself to breathe as he bent at the waist over his legs trying to convince himself that Hinata had not just solidified himself as Kuroo's only erotic fantasy for the rest of his life.

Practice was no better. Kuroo couldn't help but steal glances at Hinata, trying to subtlety watch as he spiked, blocked, received. Observing bits of toned abdominal or thigh muscle when his clothes shifted, or his sculpted, small, round butt when he squatted or bent over. Even watching him fly through the air, hair fluttering in the wind his powerful movements created was enough to leave Kuroo breathless and dizzy.

Practice was hell and Kuroo's ability to concentrate was dangling by paper thin strings.

However, if he thought things were rough at that point, well, the Universe seemed to have a sadistic streak.

One month after Hinata moved in, Japan was preparing for Golden Week. The air around Tokyo was full of anticipation as residents planned vacations, activities, and the city prepared for the many festivals that would happen throughout the week.

Normally Kuroo would be excited, planning to visit his parents and hang out with friends. This year he was stuck in his apartment, his parents opting to visit a hot spring instead of spending it with their only child. There would have been no issue except that Kenma and Hinata decided to stay behind, too. Hinata had never attended Golden Week in Tokyo and wanted to check out the local attractions. Add that to a lack of classes, no practice, and decreased work hours, and Kuroo was seeing much more of  Hinata than he'd seen since he first moved in. Kuroo was in a foul mood.

He was currently sitting in the living room, having spent all the time he could stand in his cramped bedroom. Kuroo was painfully aware of Hinata's presence at the kitchen table where the he sat with Kenma jabbering animatedly about their plans that evening. Suddenly Kuroo heard his name called in a sweetly, excited lilting voice. He cringed.

"Hey Kuroo, why don't you join us this evening?" Hinata asked, his voice hopeful.

Kuroo snorted. "I'm cool."

"Don't bother, Sho. You already know he won't." Hurt underlied Kenma's tone. Kuroo knew there had been a severe jump in tension the moment Hinata moved in and it was all his doing. He couldn't help it.

Kuroo heard some shuffling and felt Hinata moving toward him. He fixed his eyes on the television as if it would somehow suck him in if he stared at it hard enough. _Please don't come over here,_ he thought to himself but Hinata couldn't hear Kuroo's inward pleading and knelt before the third year, placing his hand lightly on his knee. Kuroo stiffened and looked down at the hand on his knee before meeting pleading amber eyes.

Fuck. Not the look.

"Please, Kuroo-chan?"

Kuroo could feel himself crumbling beneath the amber, puppy eyes of manipulation. His knee was on fire as the warmth of Hinata's hand spread over his leg. Kuroo had to focus on the television before he started blushing...or worse...before he got hard. Hinata's hand was distracting.

"Please, Kuroo. I've been here a month and have only seen you at practice. I'd love to hang out again."

And that's how Kuroo found himself walking the streets of Tokyo following Kenma and Hinata, who, incidentally, was wearing a yukata and looking the most delicious Kuroo had ever seen.

Kuroo had opted to wear jeans and a simple hoodie pulled over a t-shirt. He didn't have the emotional energy to put on anything more enticing, he was far too irritable about having to traipse around in public, once again, a third wheel to his crush. It had not helped when Hinata had stepped out of the bedroom clothed in a midnight blue yukata that perfectly accentuated his ginger mane. Kuroo nearly groaned at the sight of him but settled on tightening his lips and looking quickly away. That kid was going to be the death of him.

Now he shuffled behind them watching the way the cloth swished as Hinata's ass swayed back and forth with each step. The two had stopped to purchase some takoyaki (Kuroo had declined because he was too sick to his stomach) and occasionally Hinata would glance back and smile, a sticky ball of battered meat between his teeth. Kuroo would have done just about anything to lick the sauce from his pink lips.

It was so fucking depressing.

He'd been following the two lovebirds for roughly an hour and lazily observing the different stalls when Hinata leaned to plant a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek and was rewarded with the blonde's hand traveling down his spine and playfully slapping his butt. At that moment, Kuroo had endured all that he could and disappeared himself in the crowd. They wouldn't miss him.

Kuroo wandered the streets for a time, alone, and appreciating the quiet of isolation. This had been a hellish month as it was, constantly having been reminded of the presence that had taken over his life.

Hinata was as pleasant, as always, trying to engage Kuroo at home when the two happen to find themselves occupying the same space. Kuroo was never intending to be mean when he avoided him, he just never fully trusted himself to interact with his orange-haired crush. He had more of an excuse to ignore him during practice as Hinata was on the team but spent all his time practicing with the reserve players while Kuroo participated in practice matches with the regulars.

So, life continued with Kuroo going through the motions as his crush moved forward with the joyful exuberance and tenacity that made up Hinata Shōyō.

Kuroo arrived back home from the festival just before the fireworks began. He sighed, content for the moment to be by himself in his apartment. He slipped into his bedroom and turned on his laptop, planing to put on a movie. At some point he must have dozed off because he was suddenly woken up by the sounds of the front door opening followed by soft laughter. Kuroo closed his laptop and rolled over, determined to go back to sleep as whispers and footsteps drifted from the living room to Kenma's bedroom.

Kuroo was happily floating on the brink of unconsciousness when there was a loud _thwunk_. His eyes flew open and he bolted up thinking perhaps someone had broken into their apartment, why they would he couldn't guess.

There was another _thwunk_. Then another. Then they came more steadily, one right after the other. Kuroo's eyes widened and dread poured down his spine like hot oil. The pounding continued but the worst was when the moaning started.

Kuroo was reminded of that night he brought home his one-night-stand and the amount of noise that guy had produced. He knew their walls were thin but he now felt ashamed for what he did to Kenma. This was Karma. The most evil kind.

Anyone else would have been a blushing mess having to listen to their roommate fuck their boyfriend, but Kuroo wasn't anyone. He'd had enough sex in his twenty-one years to lose any sort of semblance of embarrassment . That didn't mean his body wasn't reacting, however.

If Kuroo felt any shame at all it came from Hinata's soft voice drifting through the walls and cascading over Kuroo's body like a the caress of a lover's hands. He closed his eyes as a quiet moan escaped his lips. He had fantasized about that voice on many occasions but nothing beat the actual sound of Hinata's low, aroused tones as Kenma fucked him senseless. Even though their bed was on the opposite wall, in some ways Kuroo felt they were closer than that. He could almost make out actual words that punctuated moans of pleasure. It was hideous torture. Kuroo was so turned on he ached.

He knew he could bang on the wall or leave and the sounds would stop but he couldn't make his feet react.

He needed release. He needed…

Before he could talk himself out of the detestable thing he was about to do, he situated himself against the wall, dropping his sweats just below his butt so he could grip himself. He closed his eyes and let his imagination wander as Hinata's voice sang to him in barely muffled notes of pleasure. He pictured himself as the one inducing those sweet sounds and he matched his rhythm to the sound of Kenma's headboard pounding against the wall.

Kuroo's head was firmly pressed into the wall behind him and he braced himself on the bed with his free hand as his back arched. The closer Hinata came to his orgasm, the more erratic Kuroo's hand and hips became and when he heard the ginger's voice mewl out Kenma's name during his climax, Kuroo felt his own warmth spread over his hand as "Shōyō" breathlessly poured from his lips in the darkness of his room.

Everything was silent except for the soft pants of his breathing, his orgasmic high slowly slipping away. Kuroo stared through the darkness at his hand, sticky with his own mess. He felt disgusting, worse than pathetic. His feelings for Hinata had reduced him to jacking off to the sound of his crush being fucked by his best friend.

He felt wetness on his cheeks and didn't even bother to wipe away the tears as he sat, alone, and quietly sobbing, knowing this wouldn't be the last time he stooped so low.

-*-

The months passed as spring slipped into summer and then fall. The severe tension that once occupied Kuroo's apartment eased into a low awkwardness as he grew used to his new roommate. He still wasn't happy about the arrangement but he could better manage his circumstances. Frankly, he'd pretty much resigned to the injustice of life and tried his best to just move forward.

He still spent as little time as was possible with either of the two unless forced, which was seldom, both because of their individual schedules and because Kuroo still preferred the solitude of his room when he was home.

However, as usual the universe seemed to have other plans. Kuroo had come home from class to find Hinata wrapped in blankets and asleep on their couch, tissues littered about the coffee table and floor. Ginger hair spread out in various directions like fixings in a Hinata burrito and soft snores accompanied the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. It was cute.

_I don't need this right now,_ Kuroo thought as he toed off his shoes as quietly as possible and tip-toed toward his bedroom. He must not have been as quiet as he'd hoped because Hinata made a sort of snorting noise before suddenly raising his head. He rapidly blinked the sleep away as his head turned this way and that, looking for something...maybe. Anyway, Kuroo paused in his stolen steps, halfway to his room when Hinata's red-rimmed, sick-glazed eyes fell on him. Kuroo had a flashback of children's cartoons where a thief is caught creeping along a wall and suddenly a spotlight is shined on him. Caught with his proverbial hand in the proverbial cookie jar and he wasn't quite sure what he was guilty of. All he wanted to do was go to his room and not think about his sick love-interest slowly dying alone in the living room.

Hinata's face was slightly flushed, nose red from too much wiping, and he had marks on his face where the blanket had imprinted. He smiled at Kuroo, it was lopsided and pathetic and Kuroo thought he'd die of cuteness overload in that moment. This was just fucking ridiculous.

"Hey Kuroo!" Hinata chirped, his voice raw and gravelly. He tried clearing his throat but succeeded only in wincing. Kuroo felt a little more of himself die.

"Hey, Chibi-chan." He softly replied, totally trying to sound sympathetic and _not_ fond or in love or anything that could be remotely construed as such. His legs began to cramp in the half crouch he'd remained in when Hinata had first woken. He straightened, attempting a relaxing posture but only felt more awkward.

Hinata furrowed his brow and asked, "What are you doing?"

Kuroo briefly glanced at his bedroom and back at Hinata. "I, uh, I was trying to be quiet and not wake you?" Why did that come out as a question?

Hinata stared at him a moment more before lightly shaking his head.

Kuroo continued, "So I'll just head to my room now. Don't mind me. Hope you feel better." He turned to retreat into the relative safety of his room when Hinata coughed and called him back.

"Hey, uh Kuroo, um would you mind getting me a glass of water?" Kuroo hesitated as he studied Hinata's sheepish expression. He added, "I'd do it myself but my head is really aching."

Kuroo immediately felt guilty for hesitating. "Sure thing, Chibi-chan." He walked into their small kitchen and filled a glass from the tap, then he walked over to the couch and handed it to Hinata. He drank it slowly and Kuroo could tell his throat hurt by the way he winced as he swallowed.

Hinata finished most of the glass before setting it down and flopping back on the couch with a groan. Kuroo stood above him not quite sure what to do. He took a moment to study the small male as he lay before him. Kuroo spent so much time avoiding situations like this one that he rarely got time to just...look at him. Even at practice he only stole glimpses because staring too long was a boundary he didn't want to cross. He didn't want to get caught for one thing and risk the inevitable questions that would accompany it. Mostly it just hurt too damn much.

Like now. He knew he needed to tear his eyes away and hole up in his room but he couldn't seem to look or walk away. Hinata lay on the couch, surrounded by the dim light of late afternoon bleeding through the closed blinds and a blanket tucked around his tiny frame. He looked smaller and paler in his sick state, his hair damp and matted to his head. He was breathing through his mouth, nose presumably plugged up from swollen sinuses, and his face was a mask of discomfort, eyes squeezed and eyebrows furrowed. Despite the fact he looked like death warmed over, Kuroo thought he was still beautiful and he couldn't help the small smile that pulled at the corner of his mouth.

Without thinking about it he stretched out his hand, his fingertips gently grazing his wrinkled forehead and brushing sweaty hair from his face. Hinata cracked an eye and looked at him as Kuroo sucked in a sharp breath, his hand recoiling and his fingers curling into a fist.

"You're hot." He declared as Hinata's watery eyes watched him from the couch.

"Thank you." He croaked, grinning.

Kuroo snorted and grinned back. "I'll get you some medicine, dumbass, and make you some tea. It'll help with your throat." Hinata only nodded.

It struck Kuroo as ironic how he'd actually fantasized about taking care of Hinata on occasion, how he would cook him soup or stroke his face with a cold, wet cloth to cool his burning skin. Or maybe just hold him, running his hands through his hair, comforting him and showing him through his actions how much he was loved. Here he was living out that particular dream but it was as his roommate and with that came certain boundaries he couldn't cross. It was always that way.

Kuroo's hand tightened on the bottle of medicine he'd gone to grab from the bathroom cabinet. His heart was aching in ways that made it hard to breathe. He leaned on the counter and closed his eyes as he took slow, deep breaths, trying to control his swirling emotions. He should have just gone to his room and spared himself the agony that is interacting with Hinata but he was so weak. How do you walk away from your heart when it's sitting in front of you, needing comfort?

"Hey, why aren't you at practice?" Came Hinata's quiet, raspy voice from the living room. Kuroo sighed and pushed off the counter. He took another look at himself, despising what he saw but trying to mask his expression under one of indifference.

"Kuroo?"

"Uh, yeah, practice was cancelled...seems like you weren't the only one to catch the bug that's going around." He walked back to stand beside the couch as he opened the bottle of medicine, knocking out a few pills and handing them to Hinata who was staring at him, head tilted back on the arm of the couch. He looked ridiculous...and innocent; his big, honey-brown eyes childlike and clouded with illness, his cheeks rosy, and lips pink and cracked. Fondness crawled into Kuroo's expression and he allowed himself a small smile as he placed the pills in Hinata's outstretched hand. As his hand closed around the pills their fingers briefly touched and Hinata looked away, his already pink cheeks flushing a deeper red. Kuroo chuckled and flicked him on the forehead before walking into the kitchen to put on the kettle. Kuroo heard him grumble behind his back and grinned.

Some battles weren't worth waging.

When the kettle had heated he poured the water into Hinata's favorite (only) mug calling out to find out if he wanted any cream and sugar.

"Four teaspoons of sugar, please." Apparently he liked tea with his sugar.

"Oi, chibi-chan, you'll get diabetes swallowing all that sweetener." He informed the poor soul lying in the living room.

"I like sweet things, don't judge me." Hinata replied as Kuroo returned to the living room, tea in hand.

Those wide eyes were on Kuroo as he set the tea down and stood back up. He stood there awkwardly, unsure what to do and desperately wanting to pull Hinata into his arms, sick or not.

Hinata wiggled himself into a sitting position and reached for the tea, sipping it slowly. He grunted but his face seemed to relax as the heat of the liquid hit his raw throat.

"I told you it'd help." Kuroo stated, watching him as his Adam's apple bobbed with effort.

"Thank..." Hinata was interrupted by a cough and he cleared his throat before starting again, "Thank you, Kuroo."

"Your welcome, Chibi-chan." Kuroo tapped his thigh, suddenly nervous now that his obligatory roommate duties were complete. In the silence Kuroo determined he would be unable to stick around. Even if he locked himself in his room the rest of the afternoon, he didn't think he'd be able to maintain his distance knowing Hinata was sick and by himself.

"So, I think I'm gonna head to the library and study for a few hours. You think you'll make it all by your lonesome?"

A flash of disappointment crossed Hinata's pale features before the poor boy could capture it and Kuroo felt his chest tighten. He turned to walk away before he made the mistake of staying but he then felt clammy hands gripping his wrist and he froze. His eyes traveled to the slim fingers gripping him, traveled up the pale, muscular arm they were attached to, before seeking out Hinata's face. He expected to see weepy, sad eyes but Hinata wasn't looking at him. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on his own hand as it tightened on Kuroo's wrist. Kuroo could tell Hinata was biting his bottom lip, presumably considering his sudden boldness.

"Please stay." Hinata whispered.

Kuroo was freaking out. By all accounts, this was most likely no more than Hinata wanting company- he was a people person, after all, and being stuck inside, sick and lonely, would not help him get better anytime soon. However, Kuroo could not help wishing it were more. Hinata was oblivious to the way he made Kuroo feel, the grasp of his smaller hand wrapped around Kuroo's wrist and the warm, tingling it sent up his arm causing goosebumps to break out over his entire body. Hinata was unaware of Kuroo's steadily rising heartbeat and the sting in his chest as he felt himself die a little at Hinata's words. _Please stay_. These were words he'd only dreamed of hearing, despite the context of the situation. Hinata did not know any of this and it was exactly why Kuroo needed to leave.

He gently pried the other's hand from his wrist, a sudden vacuum of heat at the loss of Hinata's touch made him want to grab hold of his tiny hands and never let go- to always be connected, even in the smallest ways.

"It will be better if I go, Hinata. You need quiet and rest, okay?"

Hinata made a small, quiet gasping sound but did not look at him. Instead he continued to chew on his bottom lip and stare at his hands in his lap.

Kuroo retrieved his bag and headed for the door. He stopped to put on his shoes, and even as he told himself not to, he chanced a look at the red-head on his couch. Hinata coughed once, sniffled, and wiped his nose with a clean tissue but still refused to look his way. Even so, somehow he looked more pathetic for his brief interaction with Kuroo. Kuroo stood to open the door and just as he was about to walk out he paused.

He knew he should leave. He knew he needed to walk out the door, close it behind him, then go to the library or take a walk or do any of a thousand things that wasn't sitting in his shared living room with the goddamn fucking love of his life. It was a bad idea. It was stupid and risky.

But GOD did he want it. He wanted a few fucking moments alone with Hinata. Alone, outside of volleyball practice and boyfriends.

Before he could think through his actions enough to change his mind, Kuroo backed into the house and closed the door. He took off his shoes but kept his bag. He would just study at the coffee table. It wasn't wrong for him to want to comfort someone when they were in obvious discomfort. He was just being a good person, a nice roommate...right?

He headed toward the couch, Hinata now looking at him in curiosity.

"When is Kenma due back." Kuroo asked, praying and hoping to all things good and right that he didn't sound like the love-sick idiot he felt like.

Hinata shrugged slowly, his face was unsure and confused. "He's working this evening. Something about deadlines." Irritation brushed quickly over Hinata's flushed features before he returned a questioning gaze to Kuroo. (Kenma was doing well at the company he worked for. He'd started as a go-for and had been promoted to executive assistant/paid intern. His boss, the director of the company, had taken a liking to him, impressed with his technical knowledge and took him under his wing to groom him for a better position once Kenma graduated. It was a great opportunity in a field Kenma loved but it also increased his work hours. He seemed to be always working.)

Kuroo gently dropped his bag on the table, not looking at Hinata, but not avoiding him...just occupying himself. "Have you eaten?"

Hinata gave a small, huffing laugh. "I can barely get off this couch."

"Hm." Kuroo replied, heading to the kitchen and pulling out materials and ingredients to make some miso soup. "The medicine should kick in soon, so that should help with your headache," He added while he washed and dried his hands.

"Good," Hinata replied, "cause I gotta pee really bad." He chuckled at himself then sighed. Kuroo looked up from chopping green onion to see Hinata busying himself with collecting used tissues that were within reach. Kuroo set down his knife, wiping his hands on the dish towel and grabbed the garbage can under the sink. He carried it over to Hinata, allowing him to throw away the substantial amount of snot covered paper. "Thank you." He smiled up at Kuroo.

Without answering but flushing, nonetheless, Kuroo returned the garbage to its place under the sink and washed his hands again before resuming his task of chopping onions. He wasn't _trying_ to be silent. Given any other circumstance he would be a Chatty Kathy. However, he wasn't sure what to say at this point and worried any real conversation would lead to his leaking his feelings. He really should have just left.

"Thanks for staying ." He heard Hinata say and glanced at him briefly before dropping onion in the soup broth.

"Well, someone needs to take care of you before you starve or worse." He had meant it as a joke but recognized he may have come across as caring more for him than Hinata’s own boyfriend and he mentally cursed himself for his loose tongue. He glanced at Hinata who was back to looking at his hands while biting at his bottom lip and grinning.

_Well, fuck._ Thought Kuroo. Even when he wasn't trying to flirt he was flirting.

The awkward silence- because, let's face it, it _was_ awkward- continued as Kuroo finished cooking. He poured some soup into a bowl and some juice into a glass before bringing it to his sick roommate. He tried to keep his expression as passive as possible though Hinata's hungry excitement made him want to chuckle.

Hinata dove right in as if he'd not eaten all day, which was most likely the case. "Mmm, s'good." He said around slurping his soup. "Thank you, Kuroo." He looked up and met Kuroo's eyes, his amber ones bright and shiny for the first time that day and his smile wide and appreciative.

Kuroo understood that he was being thanked for more than just the soup but it didn't make his heart beat any less fast to see that smile burning bright and directed at him. It lit Kuroo's skin aflame, warming him to his core and he suppressed a shudder of happiness because it had been so long since that smile had been turned on him and he'd forgotten what it had felt like to be at the center of the sun. For a teeny moment, a flicker of seconds, Kuroo nearly confessed his feelings right there. He almost gave in to his yearning, his need, to express his heart and risk everything he'd been desperately trying to protect.

But he didn't. Instead, he looked away, squashing his feeling back into the dark recesses of regret and hopelessness, submitting to the bitter acceptance of his situation. "It's cool, Chibi-chan." Kuroo took a seat on the floor farthest away from the couch but still at the coffee table and spread out his books. He did have work for classes to finish and he figured if he was staying he would busy himself with his monotonous studies in order to cull the emotions trying to work themselves up within himself.

"What are you studying?" Hinata had finished his soup and was finishing up his juice.

Kuroo didn’t look up but put on his glasses and opened his anatomy textbook. "Anatomy." He replied.

"Wah, you're so smart, Kuroo. I'm struggling with biology and it's just a survey course." He chuckled.

"I'm not smart, I just, you know, actually study. Unlike some redhead I know, there's more than volleyball facts and techniques occupying space in my head." He glanced over his frames at Hinata, an eyebrow raised mockingly. Hinata was looking back at him with wide eyes. Then he snorted in response and was reduced to coughing and hacking. Afterward he stuck his tongue out at Kuroo who was quietly chuckling at him.

"You're just hilarious." Hinata said glaring at Kuroo, but he wasn't fooling anyone, not with the affection that was bright behind the glare and evidenced by the small smile on his lips.

Kuroo couldn't help but grin back though he returned his attention to his textbook. "So I've been told."

"Well, you've been lied to. You're actually a really mean rooster head."

Kuroo choked at this and stared at Hinata. He was grinning at him, eyes glinting with an ornery fire. "You haven't called me that since high school." Kuroo laughed.

"Yeah, well you deserved it for the insult." Hinata chuckled.

"Au contrarie, my little crow, the truth only sets one free." Kuroo retorted, succumbing to the teasing that was once so easy between them.

Hinata squawked, well as much as a sore throat would let him, in mock indignation. "Little crow, huh!? How about dumb cat!" He fell back into the couch in a fit of giggles and then a fit of coughing. Kuroo shook his head, smiling, then reached for Hinata's empty water glass and stood to refill it in the kitchen. He returned and sat back down, shoving the glass toward the silly redhead on the couch. Hinata stretched out a hand, still chuckling around swallows of water before placing the glass back on the table and watching Kuroo, a soft smile tugging a wet, perfect mouth. Kuroo didn't look away and for a while they sat, watching the other, smiling.

_Could it be like this all the time?_ Kuroo's brain asked. _Could this be our normal under different circumstances? Could they be this...happy?_ These thoughts were torture for Kuroo. They burned in his mind like white hot flames and seared his heart with longing.

Hinata was the first to break away, his face flushing in embarrassment and his smile turning shy. Kuroo wanted to shout at him not to stop looking at him. But Hinata was already rising from the couch stating, "I _really_ have to pee!" He scurried off to the bathroom without looking again at Kuroo who remained seated on the floor watching his back retreat and the door close behind him.

Kuroo sighed in frustration. What was he doing!? He knew he should have left but he had stayed and now he was aching with heartbreak. Hinata was so close and still _so far_ away from him.

Angry at himself Kuroo hurriedly shoved his stuff in his bag and quickly rose to put on his shoes. He _needed_ to leave, to get away before he pulled Hinata to him and never let go. If he didn't walk away now, he was pretty sure the tentative strings still tying him to Kenma would snap. He'd literally fight his small friend for Hinata's hand.

Kuroo rushed out the door, gone before Hinata was out of the bathroom, heading anywhere, he didn't care, as long as Hinata was not there.

-*-

Practice had been draining. They were working hard for the upcoming Intercollegiate Preliminaries, determined to make into the top bracket and secure a slot for the national qualifying rounds.

Kuroo shared the court with a couple of familiar faces from his high school days. Besides Hinata, who was quickly moving up the ranks from new blood to respected reserve player, there was also Aone Takanobu, and Oikawa Tōru.

Unlike Kuroo, Oikawa had made starting lineup his first year as the team's regular setter. His serves were still the most powerful in any circuit, except for perhaps the national team.

Oikawa had not changed much since high school, still being the drama queen and general narcissist that he always had been. The greatest difference, perhaps being that his closest friend, Iwaizumi Hajime, had opted to retire to pursue a career in the medical field and was attending a different university and subsequently Oikawa was less of an asshole.

However, that fact didn’t imply he and Kuroo were friends by any means. Oikawa was too high maintenance.

Kuroo was sitting on the bench sipping from his water bottle and sneaking glances at Hinata when he was suddenly, and surprisingly, approached by Oikawa. Since they started on the team three years ago, they had rarely interacted, and only as it pertained to practice and games. So it was really no surprise when Kuroo barely acknowledge his presence, only glancing at him and giving a slight nod to indicate he was aware of the setter.

"Kuroo-chan." Oikawa sang.

Kuroo nodded at him again and continued to sip his water as he toweled off the sweat around his neck, trying to inconspicuously peek around Oikawa to get a look at Hinata. There was a moment of awkwardness as Oikawa stood before him, tapping his foot in impatience while Kuroo continued to stare behind the setter.

Kuroo was the first to break the silence between them. "Can I help you, oh magnificent one?" He asked, smirking but not looking at Oikawa as he attempted nonchalance.

The foot tapping stopped and Kuroo glanced up at him. Oikawa stood there, one hand on his hip and the other draped at his side, volleyball resting on his other hip. His hair was matted to his head from the accumulated sweat he produced during practice and he had one eyebrow raised as he stared at Kuroo, the intensity of his chocolate brown eyes unsettling. Kuroo shifted his body weight a bit, a little nervous at being so closely examined and the thought popped into his head that the tall brunette would be incredibly hot if he weren't so fucking annoying.

"You look like you could use a drink." Oikawa stated, the severity of his gaze disappearing behind crinkled eyes and a wide, beautiful smile.

Kuroo was taken aback, not to say the least. They barely spoke to one another, let alone hung out. Caught completely off his guard, Kuroo stuttered out a, "W-what?"

Oikawa sighed and took a seat next to Kuroo on the bench. Kuroo watched him, warily, as Oikawa spun the ball between his legs, quiet for a moment.

"I said you looked like you could use a drink and I was hoping you'd join me." He stared out into the gym, brown eyes darting from player to player, analyzing them. Always analyzing.

"Why would I do that?" Kuroo asked, still unsure of the Oikawa’s motives.

"Hey, rude, Kuroo-chan. Here I was, feeling sorry for you and offering to be a gentleman, a shoulder for you to cry on, if you will. Instead you’re ungrateful for my generosity."

Kuroo snorted. Generosity. Sure.

"What makes you think I need a shoulder to cry on? Specifically yours?"

Oikawa flashed him a bright smile but his eyes held a mischievous glint. Kuroo was automatically suspicious and on guard.

"I just thought it must be hard to be in love with your best friend's boyfriend and I sincerely wanted to help." He only said it loud enough to be heard between them but he might as well have been shouting for all Kuroo cared.

Kuroo's face dropped, as did his blood pressure, his skin turning white as a dead man's and his gaze involuntarily shifted to Hinata before he could catch himself. How could have Oikawa have known!?

Kuroo tried to cover his fear and narrowed his eyes at his teammate. "I have no idea what you’re talking about, Oikawa." He turned away from the giant menace, pretending to be studying the far wall in order to regain his composure. "Anyway, don't you have a fan club to attend to?" He struggled to keep the bite out of his words and remain unreadable.

Oikawa snorted and waved a hand dismissively. "My subjects are fine in their own. It's you I'm worried about."

Kuroo swung back around to face Oikawa head on. Oikawa's eyes were wide with concern, most likely fake. Kuroo glared at him, "Go away, Oikawa."

"You haven't denied that you love him."

Kuroo opened his mouth to tear into the man next to him but was interrupted when Oikawa raised up his hands in a placating manner, his face solemn. "Seriously, Kuroo, come have a drink with me."

Kuroo closed his mouth and searched Oikawa's face for any sign of ill intention. His expression was calm if not cautious, certainly concerned Kuroo would lash out at his words. His lips were drawn up into a slight grin, a cross between shy and wary. However, Kuroo saw no malice in his eyes, only sincerity, which was weird, considering who it was he looked at.

Kuroo sighed and considered his options. He could blow off Oikawa and deny the whole thing, go home and worry about what he knows, or he can follow the flamboyant jerk and see what he wants.

Kuroo shrugged. What the hell. "Sure, why not."

Oikawa clapped in excitement. "Hooray! A date with Kuroo-chan!" He giggled.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. "This is not a date."

Oikawa waved him off. "Mind if I shower first?" Kuroo shrugged again. _He_ wasn't going to put in that much effort.

"Great! Give me ten minutes." And he ran off to the locker room, gathering his things as he went.

Kuroo followed behind, sighing. He was going to at least change into street clothes, he wasn't a complete barbarian.

He didn't notice amber eyes follow him to the locker room.

-*-

It turned out _have a drink_ meant coffee. Kuroo had followed Oikawa out into the chilly spring evening air, hands in his pockets, bag slung over his shoulder, head hung low. Oikawa traveled ahead of him a few feet, sports bag on his shoulder, hands laced behind his head, and literally humming a merry tune. Kuroo scowled at the ground as they walked in silence.

They walked through campus, past shops and a few bars. Before long Kuroo began to wonder if Oikawa planned to walk him into another prefecture for this supposed drink.

Eventually they turned down a side street and Oikawa entered a small café that would have been easy to pass up if you hadn't known it was already there.

The inside was much less non-descript. It was modern without being pretentious but also comfortable. It was also small, maybe four two-person tables, six lounge chairs, and a coffee bar. There was a small counter to the left of the entrance that sat next to a cold display of different pastries. All in all it was pretty nice and Kuroo could understand why Oikawa liked the place.

"I can't believe we walked clear across Tokyo so you could bring me to your favorite café." Kuroo stated as they made their orders and sat down to wait. They chose one of the tables that was near the window.

Oikawa huffed indignantly. "Don't be dramatic. It wasn't _that_ far." As if they hadn't walked nearly thirty minutes. For coffee. "Plus, they have the best pastries and lattes in the city."

Kuroo deadpanned, "I thought we were going for a drink?"

"Technically we are. Coffee is a fluid, right?"

Their drinks and snacks were delivered to them with a pleasant smile as Kuroo rolled his eyes at Oikawa. "I was thinking along the lines of alcoholic fluids." Oikawa smiled as he took a drink of his latte and shrugged, looking out the window. "I didn't want your judgement to be affected."

Kuroo narrowed his eyes. "What's this about, Oikawa? Why did you ask me here?"

Oikawa studied him for a moment, placing his drink on the table. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair and retorted, "Why did you come?"

"I was bored and you haven't answered my question." Kuroo replied, evenly, not letting on how much this interaction was making him nervous.

Oikawa sighed and popped a piece of his blueberry muffin into his mouth, still watching Kuroo, unfazed by his brusque manner. "Like I said you looked.."

"Like I needed a drink. Yeah, yeah." Kuroo interrupted, sitting back with a sigh of his own. He reached out to slice a piece of his own dessert, a simple piece of warm apple pie. It wasn't his favorite but it was Kenma's and he found himself feeling a little nostalgic. He had to admit it was good.

"I told you it was yummy." Oikawa boasted, seeing the look of approval in Kuroo's face. He paused for a minute as Kuroo swallowed his bite, intending to have another, then said, "You weren't as subtle as you thought."

Kuroo thought he was talking about the pie and raised an eyebrow, confused. "I wasn't trying to hide it." He replied taking another bite.

"Not the pie, dumbass, Hinata. You weren't very good at hiding it."

Kuroo nearly choked on his pie and swallowed some of his coffee. The combination would have been good, the bitterness of the coffee following the tangy sweetness of the pie, except he was dying. Death by pie. A fitting end. Oikawa patiently waited until Kuroo gathered himself.

"Obvious...?" Kuroo coughed.

"Yes. Obvious in the way you stare at him when you think nobody's looking. Obvious in the way your eyes glaze over every time he moves in your line of sight. Obvious in the way your expression almost twists with pain because _obviously_ you want him."

Wow. Oikawa was going for the kill and Kuroo felt every arrow as they found their target- his heart, his pride, his emotions and with every arrow Kuroo could feel his body curling into itself until he sat, hunched over his all but forgotten dessert. He had tried so hard to be discreet but this ridiculous _crush_ seemed to be alive, taking control, making him a slave to this need to trail Hinata the only way he could, with gazes of desire, want, need, and whatever other goddamned adjective could be used. For years he'd covered it up, stuffed it down so far into the black recesses of hopeless longing desperately striving to break free of spurned love only to have it shoved in his face day after day until the mask had cracked and he'd been found out. Found out by none other than Oikawa Fucking Tōru, master of sadistic tendencies.

Eat. A. Dick. Universe.

Kuroo wanted to cry. He wanted to throw up. What he _didn't_ want is to have a heart to heart with Oikawa. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Except it did. Four years of pent up emotional turmoil bubbling up in a stream of verbal diarrhea that he couldn't seem to stop. Four years of pining, of watching from the background as Kenma steals away the one thing he believes he's wanted more than anything, four years of envying his best friend and simultaneously feeling guilty, and four years of seriously warped views of his sense of self.

Kuroo suddenly scrubbed his face with his hands and held them tight against his eyes, trying to hide how overwhelmed he felt. "Yeah, so can you qualify an obsession as love? I mean that's what this is, right!? A goddamned obsession. I mean, somewhere along the lines I think I left love behind and fell into psychopathic fixation." Kuroo lowered his hands and stared at Oikawa, his eyes wide with a desperation only those in love and loneliness can understand. Oikawa just sat and gazed back at him, expressionless, allowing him to pour it out. "Four goddamn fucking years, Oikawa! Four! And I can't make it go away! And he's dating my best friend. You heard that, didn't you?" Kuroo pounded the table with a finger, leaning forward, as if he was trying to drive this one point home. "My best friend! I've known Kenma almost as long as I've been alive! And the worst of it is I...I..." Kuroo looked around, his eyes wild and chest heaving. When the first tear fell he slumped back in his chair, defeated. He didn't stop the them from continuing to rain down. "I _hate_ him, Oikawa." He went on, voice soft and trembling. "For every kiss, for every touch, for every time I've had to listen to him fuck Hinata, I hate him a little more."

That was the first time he'd truly admitted how he felt about his closest friend. He could admit being jealous, that was easy. He could even admit anger over their relationship. However, Kuroo had never before allowed himself to admit the one emotion that boiled under all of it- until now, when Oikawa had asked him to coffee one random evening and called him out. Kuroo sighed, wiping the tears off his face with a thumb, sniffed, and looked out the window. "I feel like the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth, and still, I can't make it stop."

When he finished venting to Oikawa, he was left feeling empty. Sadly, it's the most he's felt in a long time and it feels like, oddly enough, relief.

Kuroo looked at Oikawa, then, expecting to see judgement, victory, even mocking. Instead, in a ridiculous sensation of being swept into a parallel dimension, the only expression Oikawa displayed was sympathy. His eyes, behind his dark framed glasses, were dark and shimmery, like he'd been holding back his own emotions, and the fake smile that usually painted his pretty face was contorted into a wobbly frown.

Kuroo sighed and rubbed the heels of his hands in his eyes, trying to knead away the impending migraine. "Don't look at me like that, Oikawa. Don't pity me."

"I don't." He replied softly. "I-I just-" He sighed, "I just...don't."

Kuroo lowered his hands and looked him. Really looked at him. Then he understood. "Iwazumi."

Oikawa didn't respond, only turned to look out the window, his hands in his lap. His cheeks were brushed with a light pink that complimented his pale skin and he sniffed. "Since we were children." He said, finally.

Kuroo leaned back in his chair, tipping it slightly, inhaling deeply before letting it out slow. Two peas in a pod they were, and he understood why Oikawa asked him out for coffee.

"We're a pair, huh?" Oikawa stated, his attention returning to Kuroo and he smiled, soft and  melancholic.

"A pair of fools, maybe." Kuroo replied with a smirk.

"A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all pains, the greatest pain it is to love, but love in vain." Oikawa quoted and shrugged. "Cowley." He added at Kuroo's raised eyebrow.

"I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Kuroo returned.

"Tennyson." Oikawa answered. "You're not a complete idiot then."

Kuroo chuckled, "And you're not just a pretty face."

"Aww, Kuroo-chan thinks I'm pretty." Oikawa teased, some of the snap returning.

Kuroo snorted. "You're annoying."

"And you're rude." Oikawa pouted in mock offense. However, he giggled a moment later. Kuroo grinned and chuckled and Oikawa's giggle turned into a laugh which Kuroo joined in on. He decided in that moment Oikawa was not so bad.

When the laughter subsided, they were left with an easy silence and Kuroo finished his pie, which was not as tasty cold. Oikawa stared out the window again, his long, slender fingers wrapped around his mug of lukewarm latte. His fingers drummed against the porcelain and Kuroo watched him chew his bottom lip as if he wanted to say something but didn't know how.

In a moment of bravery, or sheer stupidity, Kuroo asked Oikawa out. "Have dinner with me."

It's not that he felt a potential for a relationship with Oikawa (they both were in no condition for that), but he did find himself pulled toward the male across the table from him. Kuroo suspected this must be how his fans felt. Oikawa can be magnetic in those rare moments of vulnerability- a kind of drug that binds you to him so that the more terrible aspects of his personality are lost, or blend together with the good, and you find yourself wanting to see it more.

Oikawa's lip popped out of his mouth and he grinned. "I'm not cheap you know." He looked at Kuroo, his typical cocky smirk on his face.

Kuroo groaned but chuckled anyway. "My company is better than an expensive meal."

Oikawa snorted but smiled, genuinely.

-*-

For the first time since he started college Kuroo cursed his stupid busy schedule. It was a week after his impromptu coffee date before he could make time to take Oikawa out to dinner. The man liked to play hard to get and made Kuroo work for it before he got a definite yes to a date. They had sat in the cafe talking about everything and nothing until it closed and they were forced out, giggling at their stupidity. Before they went their separate ways they had exchanged information and planned a dinner date for the following weekend. Kuroo was actually a little excited.

That evening he was in his room having just finished his shower and he was searching through his closet stuffed with too many clothes. Kuroo was carefully selecting his outfit knowing that Oikawa would be dressed to impress and Kuroo would be damned if he allowed Oikawa to completely outshine him. He decided on a fitted, white t-shirt with an angry black cat on the front, straight-leg, vintage jeans, cut low, and hugging his ass, and lastly boots. The weather was easing into Winter with October coming to an end. The nights could get chilly so he decided on a dark grey, zip-up hoodie and pushed the sleeves up to his elbows which he wore underneath a light weight black wool waist coat. He looked in his mirror to appraise the finished product, satisfied that he'd pass inspection.

He was making good time and was expected to pick up Oikawa at 7:30pm. He didn't want to be late, The Grand King was not one to be kept waiting. Kuroo smirked at that thought and considered being late just to piss him off but decided against antagonizing him. At least at the outset. He headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Hot date tonight?" Kenma asked from the couch where he and Hinata were cuddled up together watching a movie.

Kuroo stuck his head out of the bathroom door, toothbrush in his mouth. "I gesh." He slurred, his mouth full of toothpaste. He glanced at Hinata, his usually readable expressions hidden by a mask of disinterest, before ducking back into the bathroom to rinse his mouth.

"He has a date with Oikawa-san. They've been real chummy lately." Kuroo heard Hinata comment as he stood before the mirror inspecting the raven mess that sat atop his head. He paused for a brief second, he had no idea how Hinata knew about the date and something in his tone did not sit right with Kuroo. He had the urge to poke his head back out of the bathroom to see what expression sat on the younger male's face.

"Oikawa? You mean the attention whore who used to Captain Aoba Johsai?" Came Kenma's voice and Kuroo bristled somewhat at his description, despite that fact that it was mostly true. Still, it was a bit unfair. Oikawa wasn't as bad as he used to be.

On his way back to his bedroom he told Kenma as much. "Hey, don't be rude. He's quieted down significantly since Iwazumi and him separated." Once again he snuck a glance at Hinata. He was still snuggled against Kenma's chest and he was watching Kuroo. The usual sparkle in his eyes had been replaced by something...darker. Kuroo's footsteps slowed, unsure why Hinata looked so frustrated, but Hinata quickly looked away, placing a quick kiss on Kenma's cheek before turning his attention to the movie.

Kuroo didn't say anything as usual. What would he have said anyway that would have made a difference? Instead, he continued into his room to grab his wallet, keys, and shoes. He paused, added a few sprays of cologne, and resumed his march to the door.

"You're putting an awful lot of effort into this, Kurochan." Kenma stated in monotone.

Kuroo glanced up at his roommates from the doorway as he stuffed his feet into his boots and shrugged. He grinned at the two males on the couch, "Don't wait up." He stated as he headed out the door.

-*-

Kuroo had been right on schedule as he climbed the steps to Oikawa's apartment. It was a nice place, far nicer than Kuroo's and in a better neighborhood. He found the door and rang the bell, minutes later Oikawa answered, his chest bare and wearing dark, blue jeans. His feet were bare too and he had a toothbrush in his mouth. Kuroo stifled the urge to laugh.

Oikawa squeaked in irritation, having been caught in such a state but waved Kuroo in before skipping to his bathroom to rinse out his mouth.

"A little underdressed, don't you think?" Kuroo hollered as he took a moment to take in his surroundings. The apartment was like any other though more put together than his own. It was clean with hardwood floors, a large open kitchen and living room. It was tastefully furnished with modern furniture and electronics. Kuroo wondered how he afforded it.

"Parents." Oikawa stated as if reading Kuroo's mind. He came out of his bedroom, shrugging a soft pink sweater over his head to cover the pink and navy button down shirt he was wearing. He looked good, his clothes neat and comfortable and Kuroo hated to admit how fucking attractive Oikawa was. "I noticed you looking around. And for your information, there are plenty of people who would die to have this view." He retorted with a sweeping gesture to his now covered torso. "You look good, too.." He stopped for a moment to let his chocolate eyes roll over his date, "a little more casual than I thought you'd be. And what's with the hair? Is that bedhead a skill or something?"

Kuroo snorted, "I assure you, this amount of sexiness only comes naturally." Kuroo grinned, "How long does it take you to do your hair, again?"

"Perfection takes time, but I'm well worth it." Oikawa replied, the widening of his grin competing with Kuroo's. He headed back to his room and Kuroo heard him shuffling about.

Kuroo stuffed his hands in his pockets, rolling his eyes. "I like flaws." He retorted as Oikawa reappeared, wearing his glasses, with socks and shoes in hand. He smiled coyly at Kuroo as he leaned against the wall, pulling on socks and shoes. Kuroo couldn't help the way his stomach flipped when Oikawa had smiled at him. If one were honest, the reason Oikawa had fans was obvious- he was amazingly attractive. Of course Kuroo would never tell him that. Oikawa did not need another reason to have a big head about himself.

"I'm ready." Oikawa stated as he stood, pulling his keys from a hook near his door.

"About time." Kuroo teased as he helped his date into his coat before stepping out of the apartment. He waited while Oikawa locked the door.

Oikawa stuck his tongue out over his shoulder, then, having finished he turned to the taller male and, shoving hands in pockets, he proceeded to lead Kuroo to the street. "So what's the plan, Tetsu-chan?"

Kuroo snorted. "Really?" Oikawa looked at him and shrugged, his brown eyes glimmering with mischief.

Kuroo decided he wouldn't tell Oikawa where they were going for that. On the way, the brunette bugged him about their destination, trying to guess where they were headed despite Kuroo's stubborn attempt to keep it secret.

"A strip club."

Now Oikawa was just reaching. Kuroo barked out a laugh and shook his head. "Seriously, Oikawa? Why would we go to a strip club? We're both fucking gay as all get out."

Oikawa just shrugged. "Gay strip clubs exist, asshole."

Kuroo grinned at the prospect of naked guys gyrating to sexy music. His thoughts, of course, immediately generated an image of Hinata, swaying to some unknown beat, slowly peeling off his clothes (a short skirt, maybe?) while Kuroo watched in hunger. He coughed and shoved those thoughts away...far away...as his dick twitched in his boxers at the idea. He coughed to cover his uncomfortable embarrassment and Oikawa raised an eyebrow, full lips lifted into a smirk. "What!?" Kuroo snapped and Oikawa giggled.

"I've had the same thoughts about Iwazumi."

Kuroo groaned that the bastard could read him so easily. "Was he in a skirt?" Kuroo shot back, satisfied when Oikawa's eyes went wide.

He punched Kuroo in the arm, "Unfair, you prick, now I'll never get that that image out of my head!"

Kuroo only grinned back, rubbing his arm. "Welcome to my hell." They both laughed at their piteous situation.

"I'm sorry, man." Kuroo said when the laughter had died down.

"For what?" Oikawa asked, confusion on his face.

Kuroo sighed. He hadn't meant to bring the topic of their shared misery into their date. "Bringing... _it_...up."

Oikawa made a weird noise, presumably in surprise. "Whatever. It's not like they're ever far away from...our thoughts." Oikawa slapped his hands to his face and groaned. "Fuck that sounds pathetic and cheesy!"

Kuroo snorted a laugh. "When have you ever not been?"

Oikawa was about to retort, his face screwed up in offense but Kuroo interrupted him with a raised hand. He swiveled his head around, trying to determine where he was at. "Shit! I think I missed our turn."

"Lame, Tetsu-chan." Oikawa settled on teasing him for getting them lost.

Kuroo side-eyed him. "I'm not lost, you idiot. I just wasn't paying attention and forgot to turn."

"Okay, sure, if you say so." Kuroo reached out a hand to ruffle Oikawa's hair but he screeched and ducked, glaring back at him. Kuroo smirked and walked off the way they'd just come from, leaving Oikawa to catch up.

They made the correct turn and continued down the sidewalk, the evening dry and cold. Their friendly bantering continued until Kuroo stopped before a building, windows dark and neon sign flashing 'Arcade'.

"You've got to be kidding me!?" Oikawa looked at Kuroo, shock and doubt crawling over his face.

Kuroo chuckled back at him, evil grin on his. "What's wrong, Snobbykawa? Too good to slum it in a dive like this?"

Oikawa shot a rueful look in Kuroo's direction. "I should have figured when you showed up dressed like a preppy high schooler that we'd end up in a place like this."

Kuroo's hand flew to his chest, his face schooled into one of mock hurt. "You wound me, Tōru baby."

"Kuroo, it looks like one of those seedy biker bars in a bad American movie."

Kuroo crowed his laughter and slapped Oikawa on the shoulder. "Good thing, then, cause it's owned by some seedy American, which means the beer is shit and the pizza too greasy."

"You're promotional skills need a lot of work." Oikawa narrowed his eyes, bottom lip stuck out in a pout, and arms crossed over his chest.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. "Suck it up, pretty boy. I promise you'll like it." Kuroo turned around and opened the door, bending at the waist and sweeping his free hand toward the entrance like some underdressed butler. Oikawa snorted and sighed but lead the way past Kuroo and into the dimly lit pizzeria/arcade.

It was just as anyone would have imagined; the place was one large room with a kitchen near the door. Booths lined the walls halfway down both sides of the room with several tables scattered throughout the middle. Everything was old wood and red, torn vinyl covered in a thin layer of grease. At the other end of the room were the arcade games, all vintage and fading, but still in working order as lame, synthesized music and bad voice overs provided background ambience for their date. There were few customers, mostly in the back enjoying cheap thrills from the past. The place was nostalgic and carried a sense of comfort.

"Smith-san!" Kuroo howled at a man sitting behind the counter. He was big. Like, _really_ big. He was tattooed and bald with an unshaven face and a scowl that would make adults cry. Oikawa was warily watching the man called Smith and as subtlety as possible he slipped behind Kuroo who raised a teasing eyebrow. Oikawa glared at him. "If anyone is going to die, I'd prefer it to be you." Kuroo chuckled.

Without looking up from the magazine he was perusing, Smith boomed back, "How many fucking times do I have to tell you people it's Bob. Just. Bob. For Christ's sakes!"

Kuroo laughed loudly and sauntered up to the counter. "Reading porn on the job again?" Oikawa had followed and made a scandalous noise when he saw the lewd picture sitting out for anyone to see. He sent Kuroo a look of shock and Kuroo mouthed _American_ at him as if that explained everything. 'Bob' took notice and glanced at Oikawa, who shrank back some, before lazily rolling his eyes to Kuroo.

"Who's the virgin?" Oikawa squawked at the insult and Kuroo chuckled.

"My date."

The look on Oikawa's face was priceless, ranging from horror to offended to fearful. Kuroo had him completely out of his element and was basking in the effect.

Oikawa, not one to be made a fool of, quickly composed himself and retorted, "A little inappropriate to be looking at porn when random kids could walk in here."

Bob snorted and shrugged. "What can I say? I like to read the articles. Besides, do you _see_ any fucking brats in here?"

Kuroo was smiling at Oikawa like he'd just introduced him to the president. He absolutely fucking loved this guy. He was ridiculous and rude and didn't care he offended the country he'd taken up residence in. Oikawa was looking back at him like he'd grown another head. It wasn't unusual for people to be bothered by the uncouth foreigner but you quickly learned he was harmless. Well, as long as you behaved. Kuroo had seen the guy literally toss an unruly thug out the door on his ass. It’d been beautiful.

"Relax, Oikawa. Bob is a big teddy bear." Bob snorted again.

"You want your usual, Kuroo?"

"Yeah, thanks. Add an order of breadsticks too, if you don't mind."

"What do you want to drink? I suppose a milk for the virgin?"

Oikawa huffed in irritation. "Why do insist I'm a virgin?"

Bob chuckled. "You haven't denied it. Kuroo here, however, is another story with a penchant for pretty faces. I'd be careful if I were you. His heart belongs to someone else."

"Bob! Why the fuck are you telling my shit? And we'll have two beers." Bob laughed and walked off, filling two cloudy but chilled mugs with American brew before slamming them down on the counter, spilling some of their contents on the sticky countertop.

They gathered their drinks and sipped them as they slid into a booth. Oikawa could not withhold his questioning as they got comfortable and Kuroo's eyes went wide as he rapid fired questions at him.

"What the fuck was that? How did you ever find this dump? Is he a criminal on the run? And why did he just warn me about you?"

Kuroo chuckled but answered. "First off, I happened on this wonderful establishment during one of many walks I would take when I was too frustrated about Hinata. Second, no, dumbass, he's not a criminal. How would he own a business that would have to be registered with the government? Not to mention we're not a non-extradition country to my knowledge. Geez. Thirdly, I'm serious. The guy is mostly harmless and, personally, I think he only acts that way because people expect him to. You know, because he's American." Kuroo shrugged. "It's a gimmick."

"No it's not." Bob replied as he set down a pitcher of beer. "It's on the house, btw, because you're friend looks like he wants to cry. Also, I really am a bastard and I don't give two shits about what people think."

Kuroo grinned. The pitcher of beer would say otherwise; it was an informal apology for freaking out Oikawa. It was very welcomed.

"How did you end up in our country?" Oikawa asked, his curiosity getting the best of him and making him forget his manners.

"I was stationed here way back before you were born. Ex-military, babyface."

"What did you do?" Oikawa whispered, still in awe of the man. Bob winked at him. "If I told you I'd have to kill you and I don't think your date would be pleased." Oikawa gulped.

"Bob, will you please stop torturing my date!?" Kuroo was laughing hard at the whole exchange. He knew it had been a good idea to bring Oikawa there.

Bob chuckled and sighed, leaning on the booth with one elbow, flinging his towel over his shoulder, before resting his free hand on his hip. "I fell in love with a local and, in turn, this country. We were together for ten years before he died." Bob's bright blue eyes wandered to the wall, memories clouding them as he stared blankly, a wistful expression relaxing his face.

Oikawa stared at the man leaning on his side of the booth, then his brow furrowed and he exclaimed, "Wait! You're gay!" The unbelief was blatant on his face, considering the man had been looking at girl porn when they'd arrived.

Bobs features darkened as he looked down on the brunette below him. "Yeah, I am. Got a problem with it, asshole? Last I checked, you're here with the King of queers."

"Hey!" Kuroo shouted, mock offense making him glare up at the older man. "You're confusing me with Oikawa." Oikawa was just staring at their newest company with wide eyes and his mouth hanging opened in a big 'O'.

Bob grunted. "Hey, boy, is that an invitation?" Oikawa clamped his mouth shut and turned away blushing profusely. Both Bob and Kuroo erupted in guffaws as Bob headed back to the kitchen for their food.

"I can see why you like this place." Oikawa stated, pouring himself another beer.

"Yeah, Bob's a little rough but he's nice. And he doesn't take shit or give it. You know where you stand with him." Kuroo chugged his beer and set it down with a sigh. "Also, the pizza’s awesome."

-*-

The owner came by their booth on several occasions, joking, teasing, and generally being offensive. Oikawa eventually warmed up to him and even if he couldn't be as forward as the owner, he was able to joke with him. Kuroo was proud of the effort.

Eventually they migrated to the arcade, Kuroo losing about half the money he'd brought playing with and against Oikawa. It was fun, though, and they talked about growing up and high school and unrequited love. Oikawa told him humorous stories about growing up with Iwazumi and playing volleyball, and Kuroo shared memories of his friendship with Kenma and how he ultimately fell for a ginger haired, middle blocker with a personality as bright as the sun.

It was cathartic for Kuroo. He was able to share all the things he'd never been able to talk about in four years.

After emptying three pitchers of beer and his wallet, they decided to head home, Oikawa electing to call them a cab instead of trekking through the dark, half drunk. They were practically at Oikawa's apartment when he told the cabbie to stop the car and stumbled out giggling as his foot caught on the edge of the floorboard and he nearly fell flat on his face. He caught himself, however, and he straightened, patting his clothes into place. He sniffed and cleared his throat looking expectantly at Kuroo who'd remained in the car, confused.

"What?" Kuroo asked, grinning from ear to ear like the drunken fool he was.

"You're not seriously gonna let such a pretty man like me walk home alone, are you?" Oikawa said this as he attempted to flip imaginary hair off his shoulder and look seductive but the effect was ruined as he wobbled on his feet.

Kuroo chuckled and replied, "We could just take the cab the rest of the way, Shittykawa."

"Hey, you loser, only Iwa-chan gets to insult me!" He mock pouted. "Besides, I'm not quite drunk enough and you have to keep me company."

"Yes, because you need more alcohol." Kuroo rolled his eyes.

Oikawa stomped his foot and stumbled a bit before planting his fists in his hips. "Everyone needs more alcohol. Come oooon Tetsu-chan, don't be a wet blanket." He whined.

Kuroo sighed, pretending to be inconvenienced. "Well, if you insist, but you're paying. You broke me." Oikawa rapidly clapped his hands and squeaked like a little girl as Kuroo struggled out of the car. Kuroo rolled his eyes, "I can see why Iwazumi was always slapping you on the head."

Oikawa had moved to the passenger window to pay the driver. "Rude, Kuroo-san. If you aren't nice to me, I won't share my beer."

Kuroo chuckled and lightly shoved Oikawa who had moved back to the sidewalk next to him. Unfortunately, in his semi-inebriated state, Oikawa lost his footing and would have fallen but Kuroo, thankfully, still possessed enough reflexes to reach out and grab his arm. "Careful, babyface." He said, using the nickname bestowed on Oikawa by the progenitor of the arcade they'd just left.

Oikawa huffed. "Careful my ass. You act like you didn't just try to kill me."

Kuroo laughed and headed toward the nearest convenience store. "I wouldn't have tried to save your ass if I had. Plus, if I really wanted you dead I'd have waited until a car passed and pushed you into the road."

Oikawa fell in step with his date and snorted. "You and Iwazumi would make a great couple. You're both morbid assholes." Kuroo laughed.

They entered the nearest corner market and headed, albeit a bit drunkenly, to the alcohol freezers. "I want good beer this time." Oikawa mused.

"I told you the beer was shit." Kuroo stated while perusing their options. "I asked Bob once why he continued to sell it and he said there were some things he refused to give up. Honestly, I just think he's lost his sense of taste." Oikawa chuckled as he pulled out a six-pack of a local favorite among college students and looked at Kuroo with a raised eyebrow. Kuroo shrugged and nodded and Oikawa grabbed another pack before heading to the register.

On the way back to Oikawa's place they each opened a bottle, enjoying the chill in the air as they walked, making conversation and singing stupid drinking songs.

They made it to Oikawa's, who struggled with the key briefly amidst Kuroo's teases. Inside they toed off shoes and plopped down in the living room, continuing their conversations and playful arguments. At one point, Oikawa even challenged Kuroo to an arm wrestling match (which he lost) and pouted for like five minutes while Kuroo made fun of him.

"You're just mad because you have arms like a girl." Kuroo teased, bent over Oikawa's coffee table and laughing like a lunatic.

Oikawa clicked his tongue, face turned away and arms crossed over his chest. He side-eyed his companion. "You're a horrible drunk." Oikawa retorted, flicking Kuroo on the head through his dark hair. Kuroo sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

"Aww, I kid, Tōru, sweetie. No girl could hit a serve the way you do."

"So it's compliments now? Trying to get back in my good graces?" Oikawa shook his head and took a sip of his beer. They had nearly finished off all twelve and were pretty fucking lit, which was probably the reason for Kuroo's crazy laughing. "Not gonna happen, crazy cat. You're on my shit list now."

Kuroo snorted. "That must be a very long list."

"I'll have you know I'm extremely pleasant."

"Yes you are." Kuroo stated and Oikawa smiled. "If you like devious, drama-loving volleyball players with nice hair." Oikawa chuckled and sloppily threw a pillow at Kuroo's face, which meant it went wide nearly taking out a lamp in the process.

"Oh shit!"

"Shhh...keep it down, you drunk fucker, you'll get us in trouble."

"Because you didn't make enough noise screaming like a banshee as I displayed my awesome arm-wrestling skills."

"I did not scream."

"Like a girl."

"Eat a dick, Kuroo."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Only if you choke on it."

"Haha! No gag reflex, bitch!"

At that Oikawa stared at Kuroo. "Seriously?" Kuroo smirked back at Oikawa. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Oikawa bit his lip and looked at Kuroo through long eyelashes. "Yes, I would."

The atmosphere in the room changed so quickly it would have been hard to believe they were just two new friends, drunk and goofing off only moments before. Kuroo suspected that, while neither of them had _expected_ things to go this way, it _was_ something they both wanted. Kuroo stared back at Oikawa across the table, the room oddly silent without the noise of laughter that had filled it only moments before. "Are you serious?" He asked. Drunk as he may be, that didn't mean his body didn't respond to the implications. He could feel the intended meaning heating up his skin and tightening his pants.

Oikawa rose up on his knees and leaned over the table, supporting his weight on wobbly arms, until he was just a foot away from Kuroo's face. He was breathing steadily, but deeply and his brown eyes were intense as they stared into Kuroo's hazel ones.

"You sure you wanna do this, Oikawa?" They were drunk and perhaps their ability to make wise decisions was more than a little inhibited, but despite his inebriated constitution, Kuroo had to know that Oikawa knew what he was agreeing to. Perhaps they had needed the alcohol to come this far anyway.

"Call me Tōru." Oikawa whispered as one of his hands shot out to roughly grab Kuroo by the back of his head to pull him into a kiss. Amazingly the whole ordeal took off smoothly despite the fact they were both silly drunk. Kuroo took his actions as an affirmation.

As their lips met, Kuroo could not help but groan. Though he'd been calling Oikawa by his given name off and on all evening, it was mostly just to tease him. However, there was something intimate and sexy about being given permission. He tried it out and whispered Oikawa's name. "Tōru." The brunette must have liked it because he groaned into the kiss and Kuroo snuck his tongue in when Oikawa's lips parted. Kuroo slipped an arm around Oikawa's waist, pulling him into his lap while simultaneously pushing the coffee table out of the way.

For a while, Oikawa straddled Kuroo's lap as his long setter's fingers ran through Kuroo's black hair while their tongues wrestled with one another. Kuroo's own hands were gently but firmly massaging Oikawa's back, hips, and ass. He hated to admit it but Oikawa was a damn good kisser.

When Oikawa pulled away, Kuroo sighed and swept aside a stray strand of brown hair that had gotten caught behind Oikawa's glasses. Oikawa smiled at him, small and sad. They both knew why they were doing this. They couldn't have who they wanted so they were settling for the next best thing, someone to share their mutual longing with, who understood the heartache and yearning they felt, someone to give comfort and reassurance.

No words were said again as Kuroo held Oikawa by the waist, gently easing him to the floor and situating himself between his legs. He removed Oikawa's glasses and then his own shirt. Oikawa hummed his approval, his fingers stretching to trace the muscles that defined Kuroo chest before rising and removing his own sweater. Kuroo was starting on the buttons of Oikawa's shirt and kissing his neck when he felt Oikawa reach out and dig around the couch. He raised his head just as Oikawa pulled a bottle of lube and a condom out from the couch cushions. He raised an eyebrow in disbelief and Oikawa only chuckled and shrugged.

Things continued on this way until they were both naked and overheating from the friction of their bodies sliding together and shared arousal. Kuroo thought it was funny how verbal Oikawa was. And sensitive. His bedroom personality reflected his public one in every way, Kuroo thought it was cute. He found it easy to map out all the areas that turned his partner on and brought his voice out in a myriad of tones and volume.

And Oikawa _felt_ good. Kuroo was incapable of understanding the range of emotions boiling inside him currently but it wasn't just the tightness that engulfed him or the way Oikawa expertly met his thrusts that had him feeling so many different things. Maybe it had to do with their familiarity. Or their grief and loneliness. Maybe it was a newfound respect and friendship. Or simple, drunken arousal. Maybe it was none these things or all of them. It wasn't love but it _was_ something beyond fucking.

There was a comfort with Oikawa that Kuroo hadn't had in sex in a long time. It didn't feel empty and slutty. Kuroo felt...relief, gratefulness. A safe place to be himself and accepted.

-*-

"You're not sleeping." Oikawa's voice broke through the dark quiet of the bedroom. Kuroo couldn't see him in the darkness but felt the bed shift as Oikawa turned to look at him, the cotton sheets moving along with him and subsequently pulling them to barely cover his naked frame. Kuroo didn't mind, the chill in the air felt good against his warm skin.

At some point in the late evening- or early morning- they had retired their activities to Oikawa's bedroom, giggling like school children in a jumble of kisses and rough hands. The second time around Kuroo had bottomed; it had been a while and it had felt good to submit to someone's attention instead of taking the lead. Oikawa had not been gentle but he hadn't been rough either and it had been enough for Kuroo to lose himself, the dull pain of loneliness stymied for the time.

It wasn't as if Kuroo had a preference one way or another but he liked to take care of his partners. However, since this terrible emotional rollercoaster had begun he'd neglected his own need to be cared for and Oikawa had, enthusiastically, fulfilled a long-forgotten want. When Oikawa had turned the tables and gained the control, Kuroo had aggressively responded, a different kind of hunger rising in him that had surprised him, and the resulting orgasm has left him weak and emotionally drained. Unfortunately, in the midst of his climactic high he'd hollered out the wrong name, Oikawa thankfully not taking it as a personal offense.

"Hm." Was the only response Kuroo gave him, lost in his own thoughts as he was.

"If you're still worried about it, it's not a big deal that you called me Shōyō." His voice was low, as if he was trying not to disturb the shadows cast by the thin sliver of moonlight pushing through a crack in the curtains, but his voice held a lingering humor, almost teasing.

Kuroo was lying on his back, one arm propped under his head and the other thrown over his stomach. He scratched an itch.

"It's not that." He started, not wholly aware of the playfulness of Oikawa's tone. "I was just thinking that for a moment my head was clear, you know? Nothing but white noise and...us and I wasn't even thinking about...him. But then, at the last moment, he was there, as he always is." Kuroo rubbed his face with the hand that had been lying on his belly. "I can't escape him, no matter what I do."

There was silence that stretched between them, not uncomfortable, but quiet and contemplative. Kuroo heard Oikawa suck in a deep breath before letting it out, long and slow. He cleared his throat and said, "You know, Kuroo, this...thing...we're doing..."

"You can say we're fucking."

"Shut up and listen, dumbass. And we aren't fucking if it was only the first time. Anyway, the sex we had..."

"It was good sex. And don't act like it won't happen again."

"Holy shit, will you shut the fuck up and listen, I'm trying to be introspective. Again, we had sex and it's like using one drug in order to stop abusing another." Oikawa paused, whether to give Kuroo the opportunity to interject or to give himself a moment to think about his next words, Kuroo was unsure. He took the moment to add his two cents.

"So, I'm an addict now. Hooray." He chuckled, low and sardonic, the sound reverberating through his chest and spreading out over the bed like ripples in a pond.

"Oh my god, shut up moron!" Oikawa took this opportunity to smack him in the face with his pillow and Kuroo was embarrassed to admit he squeaked like a girl.

"Fuck, you're impossible!" Oikawa exclaimed but his tone hinted at humor behind the declaration. "It's a goddamn metaphor and as I was saying, jackass, just because we're screwing- and despite my impressive abilities- I'm not the drug you want, I'm just the best available substitute."

Kuroo sighed, this wasn't something he hadn't thought of before, so he didn't understand why he was getting a lecture. "I get that, Oikawa. You're not saying anything I don't know."

Oikawa sat up on his heels and looked down at him. The stripe of moonlight that filtered from the curtains lay across his bare flesh like a badge, beginning from his chest and ending on the opposite hip. The rest of Oikawa was cast in gray shadow and giving him an artsy kind of portrait look. His thighs were slightly splayed, while one hand gripped the sheet, hiding a view Kuroo had been recently acquainted with. The other hand ran through his mussed hair, now wild from sex and damp with drying sweat. Oikawa gazed at Kuroo, the color of his eyes dulled by darkness and hidden in shadow. Kuroo thought Oikawa was truly a beautiful creature which only served to make the ache in his chest tighten out of bitterness. He turned his face away.

"What I'm trying to say, Tetsurō, is that screwing your way out of being in love only does more damage."

"Thank you, O Wise Yoda of Love." Kuroo huffed in impatience. He turned back to Oikawa, he was pretty sure his irritability was showing. "And what would you have me do?"

"All I'm saying is that if you're serious about getting over Hinata then you need to give yourself time...and um...space."

In the the silence, Kuroo let Oikawa's words settle over his emotionally tired mind. He knew what Oikawa meant by space- he needed to move out. Kuroo knew that and knew everything Oikawa was saying to be the honest truth. It didn't make it any less painful. Kuroo had considered moving out on many occasions but had found some way to always justify staying.

The truth was Kuroo wasn't ready to let go. It sounded stupid; who in their right mind chooses to continue on the same road when there is a brick wall in your way? But love is dumb, and blind, and masochistic. It's choosing the wrong road on purpose because there's always the fucking _chance_ that the wall will collapse.

Kuroo wasn't ready to let go and, frankly, he didn't know if he'd ever would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, enter Oikawa! 
> 
> When I first wrote this chapter it was an OC in his place but Epher suggested using a known character and I am glad she did because I really like Kuroo's relationship with him. However, hold tight to your hats, dear ones, shit's about to get real. I hear the next chapter is a real emotional roller coaster. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments they're such an encouragement!


	4. Rain Clouds & Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was he continuing to torture himself? He knew they were never going to be together- hell, he didn't even know if Hinata had any feelings for him beyond friendship! So why was he continuing this charade instead of escaping this prison he'd built for himself? 
> 
> It was a mystery, and mostly because he knew he'd go right back to it at the end of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, alright, alright! Chapter 4 is here! Two chapter updates in one month plus it's 18,00+ words. Nice and long.
> 
> However, hold on to your seats, kids, cause it's an emotional doozy. Lots of feelings.
> 
> As always, thank you Epher for helping me out with ideas and errors. I apologize if there are any glaring ones. 
> 
> And thank you all for your wonderful support and encouragement! I suspect we will hit 700 hits after this chapter and that excites the fuck out of me! I can't express how much it means that you all find this story so interesting. 
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, Chapter 4 for your viewing pleasure!
> 
> BIMB :)
> 
> P.S. Lots of NSFW littered throughout the story for those of you feeling a bit uncomfortable. It's not extremely explicit but still detailed. Also, the formatting came out wrong (an extra space per paragraph) and I really didn't feel like going back through the whole thing to make it consistent with the rest of the work. For those of you, like me, who may be driven insane by it, sorry. If I get too pissed off with it and you see an update, know that is was most likely just me fixing it.

Kuroo continued to casually see Oikawa over the next several weeks. The coffee date that started it all turning into quickies between classes during horny moments and booty calls that followed the turmoil that came with connections and interaction with their person of interest.

 

For instance, Kuroo came home one late afternoon, surprisingly having the first free night in days, only to find Kenma and Hinata in a heated argument. He walked in and could hear them arguing behind the closed door of their bedroom and he should have left but his morbid fascination (and sickening glee) kept him from moving, rooted in the living room.

 

"You're  _ always _ working!" Kuroo could hear Hinata's bitter declaration clearly through the thin walls.

 

"My position comes with a lot of responsibility, Shōyō, you know that." Kenma, calm as always, replied.

 

"But you're never here anymore. We're never together and I'm beginning to feel like I don't matter." Hinata's frustration was turning into a whine.

 

"Shōyō, you're being immature. Of course you matter but I have obligations."

 

"Yeah, and they're more important than me." 

 

Kuroo's heart broke at the defeated tone in Hinata's voice. Despite the ridiculousness of it, Kuroo found himself irritated with Kenma for bringing out such a pathetic sound from a normally happy individual.

 

"I will be back tomorrow. Okay? We can do whatever you want then."

 

"Okay. Sure." Was all Hinata replied, his disappointment still evident.

 

Before Kuroo could react, the door to their room opened and Kenma came stalking out, his overnight duffel in one hand, and his expression dark. Kuroo would have asked him if he was okay but his friend barely spared him a glance before putting on his shoes and walking out the front door.

 

Kuroo turned toward Kenma and Hinata's room. Hinata was there in the threshold, his eyes red and face splotchy. His hair was sticking in a thousand different directions and he looked pissed. Kuroo, as usual, wanted to swoop in and hug him, make him smile, be the hero, but he just stood his ground awkwardly while Hinata stared back with amber eyes burning like fire. In the next moment, Hinata had closed the door and soon after Kuroo could hear quiet sniffles and soft sobs through the door.

 

Kuroo stood in the living room, clenching his fist in frustration, trying to ignore his need to go to him. It wasn't his place to comfort Hinata- at least not in the way he wanted.

 

The crying continued and Kuroo took a subconscious step forward. Then another and he was at Hinata's bedroom door with fist raised to knock before he finally came to his senses. He ran a hand through his hair feeling somewhat mad in his desires but composed himself enough to turn and walk out the front door. He had almost given in. Almost crossed the line...again.

 

Kuroo immediately called Oikawa, who was thankfully home.

 

"Tetsu-chan!" Oikawa sang into the phone. "I'm glad you called! I'm bored and tired of studying. Come entertain me."

 

Kuroo chuckled even though it felt as if his chest was caving in. Sometimes he was glad for the over-sensitive asshole. "I'm happy you're not busy because I really need your ass."

 

"Ooh, double entendres, I like those. Well, my ass is waiting, come and get it."

 

-*-

 

Kuroo was at Oikawa’s door in less than fifteen minutes. He was not a happy camper- in fact, one could say he was feeling kind of desperate. 

 

At home he had been on the verge of caving in to his want. Hearing Hinata cry, alone and behind close doors had provoked an almost primal need to comfort him and walking away had nearly shattered him. 

 

Living with the person he loved in secret and not being able to be there for him was tearing him apart. He knew it, Oikawa knew it, and Kuroo could not understand himself any more. Why was he continuing to torture himself? He knew they were never going to be together- hell, he didn't even know if Hinata had any feelings for him beyond friendship! So why was he continuing this charade instead of escaping this prison he'd built for himself? 

 

It was a mystery, and mostly because he knew he'd go right back to it at the end of the day.

 

Kuroo banged on Oikawa’s door, his forearm pressed against the outside frame and his head resting against it. The door opened moments later, Oikawa grinning like a fool. The brunette barely had time to register Kuroo’s distraught expression before Kuroo had hoisted him off the ground. Kuroo had Oikawa’s legs wrapped around him and his tongue digging greedily into his mouth in moments, kicking the door closed and carrying the (pleasantly) surprised Oikawa into the bedroom.

 

“Everything okay there, Kuroo?” He asked when he'd finally been allowed to breath. A playful smirk was on his face as Kuroo tossed him onto the bed.

 

Kuroo grunted his reply before stripping Oikawa of his shirt and himself of his own.

 

“I'm not complaining or anything, I mean you're kinda really sexy right now, but I get the feeling something happened with Hinata.” Oikawa taunted.

 

Kuroo looked up at his partner from where he’d attached himself to Oikawa’s chest, red splotches blooming where Kuroo had teased and bit the flesh. He sighed and sat back on his knees.

 

“Seriously, Tōru? Am I not distracting you enough?” Kuroo narrowed his eyes in impatience.

 

Oikawa chuckled and ran a hand through Kuroo’s dark hair. “I can multi-task fairly well. Now tell me what happened.”

 

Kuroo narrowed his eyes at Oikawa and huffed in exasperation. 

 

“Nothing happened with Hinata. It’s Kenma, okay?”

 

Oikawa raised an eyebrow, obviously unsatisfied with his answer. However, Kuroo wasn't in the mood to discuss his feelings. This wasn't supposed to be a therapy session.

 

“Oikawa, seriously, either we can fuck or I can leave. I'm incredibly frustrated right now and just need to blow off a bit of steam.”

 

Oikawa raised his hands in defeat. “As you wish, Tesu-chan.”

 

A sardonic chuckle escaped Kuroo before he leaned back in to lather Oikawa’s muscular chest with his tongue. Kuroo began working his way in a southern direction, palming Oikawa through his pants. Oikawa was already half hard and his breath was starting to come in short pants while little whimpers escape his lips.

 

Kuroo flicked open the button on Oikawa’s pants and pulled the zipper as he traced his tongue along the seam of Oikawa’s underwear. He paused and raised his eyes to meet Oikawa’s, his lips still brushing the skin lightly.

 

“I hope you're clean, Torū, cause I'm gonna eat you out.”

 

Oikawa’s eyes widened and his pupils fully dilated, his dick hardening exponentially against Kuroo's hand, and a smirk formed on his plump lips.

 

“I'm always clean.”

 

Kuroo grinned and removed the rest of Oikawa’s clothes and crawled back between his spread legs. Oikawa’s chest was heaving, his eyes locked on Kuroo, anticipation making them dark and shiny.

 

Kuroo grinned at him again before grabbing the brunette beneath his thighs and hauling his ass into the air. Oikawa squeaked in surprise, his upper back the only part of him touching the bed, his legs flung over Kuroo’s shoulders and hanging awkwardly in the air behind him.

 

Oikawa’s eyes rolled in the back of his head when he felt a slick tongue roughly start to explore him. It's not like Kuroo hadn't done this before, and it was always a pleasure to watch how Oikawa fell apart when he did. 

 

Oikawa really began to breath hard as Kuroo forced his tongue even deeper, humming his own approval against Oikawa’s flesh. In this position, it was too difficult to reach Oikawa’s stiff erection but Kuroo wasn't too concerned at the moment- his intention wasn't to get his partner off right then. He wanted to stretch their time out and take him apart slowly before he completely destroyed him.

 

Kuroo was not angry. The situation was not such that he felt any kind of ire. He was more...frustrated, than anything. He couldn't understand Kenma’s attitude toward his boyfriend- his perfect, beautiful, and sensual boyfriend. Kuroo couldn't fathom a circumstance where he, himself, would ever,  _ could _ ever, leave Hinata weeping and alone. It was unthinkable to him.

 

But, he had, in a sense. He had left because he was not Hinata’s boyfriend and he was not responsible for his happiness, or sadness.

 

He had walked out and done the thing he didn't think he could do consciously. And Hinata was suffering for his stupid selfishness- because Kuroo could not comfort him as a friend.

 

Oikawa was panting and moaning beneath Kuroo’s attention.  _ Please, Kuroo  _ and  _ more, I need more _ , fell from his lips repeatedly. Oikawa’s legs reflexively squeezed against  Kuroo’s head and his hips were bucking, straining to deepen the intruding tongue that teased him. Kuroo smiled and lowered Oikawa back to the bed, leaning over to pluck the bottle of lube and a few condoms from the bedside drawer.

 

Oikawa reached out, grabbing Kuroo by the back of the neck and pulling him into a slow kiss. Kuroo hummed into Oikawa’s mouth.

 

“I take it you enjoyed that?”

 

Oikawa grinned against his lips. “I really like your tongue.”

 

Kuroo chuckled. “Well, you’re in luck. I'm not done yet.” He felt Oikawa shudder against him and laughed. “You're so easy to please.”

 

Oikawa snorted but didn’t respond.

 

Kuroo stared at him for a moment before Oikawa made a face at him and asked, “What?” Followed by a chuckle.

 

Kuroo’s face broke into a mischievous grin. “Wanna try something new?” He waggled his eyebrows for added effect.

 

Oikawa rolled his eyes but he returned the grin. “Wadda ya have in mind?”

 

Kuroo crawled off the bed and opened Oikawa’s closet door, searching for something. He looked back over his shoulder at Oikawa spread out atop his light blue comforter and leaning on his elbows and dangled a black silk tie from his hand.

 

Oikawa laughed but shook his head. “I think I know where you're going with this but…” he uttered a noise of disapproval which made Kuroo frown. He figured Oikawa would be more...adventurous.

 

“Not that one. That's my favorite tie. There should be an ugly green one in there, use that.”

 

Kuroo beamed at him, giddy with excitement. He turned back to the closet to resume his search and found the tie. He immediately understood Oikawa’s reason, the tie was offensive.

 

“It was a birthday gift from my nephew when he was six. I doubt he remembers it now so…” Oikawa shrugged.

 

Kuroo returned to the bed and tapped Oikawa on the hip. “Turn over.”

 

Oikawa raised an eyebrow at him in question but complied and lazily rolled to his belly.

 

“Now stretch your arms out above your head.”

 

“You're awfully bossy tonight.” Oikawa huffed as he gruffly shifted so his hands were resting on the blankets above his head. He turned his head to briefly glare at Kuroo who only snickered back at him.

 

“But you're so pretty when your obedient.”

 

Oikawa scoffed and mumbled something unintelligible. Kuroo grinned at his smooth back before reaching over to bind Oikawa’s wrists together and secure them to the headboard. When Kuroo finished, Oikawa tugged to test the strength of the knot.

 

“The fuck were you, a fisherman in a past life?” He turned to look at Kuroo with a raised eyebrow.

 

Kuroo smiled back, an impish glint flashing in his hazel, cat-like eyes, but didn't say anything. Instead, he took position behind Oikawa and ran a calloused hand gently down his back. Oikawa’s spine arched at the touch, making Kuroo smile again. 

 

Kuroo didn't know why he was feeling so...aggressive tonight. All he knew was that he wanted to make Oikawa squirm and beg, plead for him and the relief only Kuroo could give him in this moment.

 

“Uh, kitty cat? You know, this isn't the most comfortable position to be in, so if you're gonna do anything, think you could get on with it?”

 

Kuroo chuckled. “Sorry. Spaced out for a minute.”

 

“Seriously, man?” Oikawa responded in a flat tone.

 

Kuroo chuckled again and before Oikawa could respond with any kind of sarcastic reply, Kuroo shoved his tongue between Oikawa’s butt cheeks. Oikawa gave a surprised squeal but before long he was rutting his hips roughly backward against Kuroo’s face straining for more friction. His breathless moans were punctuated by gasps and cries for more and Kuroo obliged him by popping the cap on the lube, coating his fingers, and pressing a digit in alongside his tongue.

 

Oikawa’s quiet moans grew louder as Kuroo twisted and curled his finger, reaching for Oikawa’s prostate. Kuroo gave his jaw a break and rested back on his heels, still plunging his finger in and out of Oikawa’s ass. He added another finger, watching as Oikawa strained against his bindings.

 

“Not so sassy now, huh?” He teased, his voice low and barely hiding his own ache to be in Oikawa.

 

Oikawa clicked his tongue around a moan. “Don't be a c-cocky asshole.”

 

Kuroo chuckled and pulled out his fingers, to which Oikawa whimpered and turned his head to look at him, glaring in frustration. Kuroo smirked back at him and spread Oikawa’s knees a little further to make room for himself. He lay on his back, scooting until his head was situated and his lips just brushing Oikawa’s erection. He tilted his head back, dragging his tongue as he did so and saw Oikawa hanging his head between his elbows to watch Kuroo, his eyes half lidded and mouth hanging open.

 

“Well you're just full of spunk tonight.” Oikawa stated.

 

A low rumble sounded in Kuroo’s chest as he giggled. “I'm not, but I can arrange that for you, if you like.”

 

Oikawa snorted again and rolled his eyes. “Fuck you.”

 

“Plan on it.” Kuroo mumbled right before he wrapped his mouth around Oikawa’s dick. He could feel Oikawa snap his head back as he moaned in pleasure. Kuroo ran his hands up Oikawa’s thighs, grasping his firm butt cheeks and pulling him further into his mouth. Oikawa tensed against his hands, his hips canting slightly at the stimulation. With one hand, Kuroo slid his fingers back into Oikawa, pumping them as he sucked the brunette off. Oikawa was positively unraveling, the headboard creaking as he strained against the tie. His moans and incoherent speech reverberated off the walls, drowning out Kuroo’s negative thoughts about himself and Hinata.

 

Kuroo concentrated on stretching out Oikawa while lying back and letting the brunette fuck himself into Kuroo’s mouth. Before long, Oikawa’s hips stuttered and he tensed. Kuroo felt warm liquid spilling into the back of his throat and he swallowed, helping Oikawa ride out his orgasm- his first one for the evening.

 

When he was finished, Kuroo gently lifted Oikawa from his face and scooted out from beneath him, and Oikawa sank to the bed panting heavily.

 

Kuroo draped himself over Oikawa, leaning on an elbow as he kissed and caressed him, giving Oikawa time to recover before Kuroo allowed himself to finish. Kuroo was still achingly hard- and still in his pants.

 

“You plan to release me anytime soon?” Oikawa asked, still tied up and still coming down from his post coital high. His voice was quiet and raspy, satisfaction an underlying hum and Kuroo chuckled as he peppered kisses from one of Oikawa’s shoulders to the other.

 

“Nope. Still not done.”

 

Oikawa huffed but rolled his shoulder into the kiss. “Well thankfully I'm young and verile.” 

 

Kuroo chuckled again and they continued in this mode for a few more moments before Kuroo became more insistent, still untouched and unsatisfied. Between Kuroo’s lips and hands gliding along Oikawa’s back, it wasn't too long before Oikawa was half hard and writhing under Kuroo. He didn't take as long prepping Oikawa and soon enough he was back between the brunette’s legs, this time fully naked and wearing a condom.

 

Kuroo hiked up Oikawa, who was once again breathing heavily, and He pumped his hand over his own erection a few times, lining his cock up with Oikawa’s ass and pushed in, teasingly slow.

 

Once he was fully inside, he gave Oikawa a moment to adjust. When he felt Oikawa begin to rut his hips, Kuroo moved too, his pace unhurried and his thrusts deep. Kuroo smiled as Oikawa groaned, praises falling from his lips.

 

“F-uck, Tetsu! You're s-so good!”

 

The familiar feeling of his own orgasm pooled in his gut and fell between his legs. Kuroo rocked into Oikawa a little harder and a little faster, his own deep groans growing increasingly louder. Oikawa pulled at his bindings, his hips struggling to match Kuroo’s thrusts, determined to give as good as he was getting. 

 

Kuroo slowed down again, not quite ready to completely lose himself and he reached over Oikawa and untied the knot on the bed frame.

 

“Hey, Torū, turn over for me.” Kuroo backed up, pulling out to allow Oikawa room to move. Oikawa growled, glaring at Kuroo again.

 

“You tease entirely too much.”

 

Kuroo smirked at him as he leaned down, pulling Oikawa’s hips up and sliding back into the wet heat of Oikawa’s ass. 

 

“I tease just enough.” He retorted, pulling Oikawa’s still bound wrists over his head. Kuroo planted kisses on Oikawa neck and trailed his lips to his jaw before conquering Oikawa’s wet lips with his own. Oikawa moaned into the kiss and his breath hitched as Kuroo began rolling his hips, faster this time and harder.

 

Oikawa pulled Kuroo closer, one hand in his dark hair and the other grasping uselessly between his shoulders. Oikawa wrapped his legs tightly around Kuroo's waist, trying to gain leverage in order to buck his hips against Kuroo's rapid thrusts.

 

Suddenly Kuroo wrapped his arms around Oikawa, lifting him into his lap. He spread his knees to give himself better balance and gripped Oikawa’s ass cheeks in his hands as he repeatedly snapped his hips, roughly and vigorously thrusting into his partner. Oikawa threw his head back, keening loudly when Kuroo slid one hand between them to stroke Oikawa to orgasm. Kuroo didn't stop this time but continued to fuck up into Oikawa until he felt his balls tighten and his own release followed Oikawa’s. Kuroo half growled and half moaned as he filled the condom, his hips stuttering, Oikawa’s asshole pulsing around him and milking him for everything he had.

 

They both fell back, Kuroo forgetting that Oikawa’s wrists are still tied and wrapped around his neck. He fell heavily onto Oikawa’s chest, forcing out a rough breath. 

 

“Ugh, get off asshole!” Oikawa complained.

 

“I just did, geez.” Kuroo teased as he slowly removes himself from Oikawa’s arms. He felt content for the moment, his bones liquified and muscles like jelly. With great difficulty he clumsily untied the knot binding Oikawa’s hands and frowned when he noticed the burns around Oikawa’s wrists. 

 

Oikawa raised one hand, holding it above his face so he could inspect the damage and he chuckled. “I've had worse.” He stated, turning to look at Kuroo.

 

Kuroo gently grabbed the wrist and ghosted his thumb over the wound. If he had kept him tied up any longer the skin would have broken. As of now, there was no blood, only raw skin and bruising. “M’sorry.” He apologizes, not looking at Oikawa and feeling like shit for his rough handling.

 

Oikawa smacked him on the shoulder, though it held little sting. “I said I'm fine, loser. I'm not made of glass.”

 

Kuroo chuckled and leaned in to place a kiss on Oikawa’s forehead. Against his desire to lie very still and sleep, Kuroo pushed up and maneuvered off the bed, sliding off the condom and tying it off before tossing it in the trash.

 

“I feel gross.” Oikawa moans, his voice tired and relaxed. Kuroo smiled at him then disappeared into the bathroom attached to Oikawa’s bedroom. Moments later there is the sound of running water and Kuroo returned, wiping down Oikawa and tossing the wet towel to the floor. He climbed back into the bed- Oikawa had not moved one inch- and fell heavily to his stomach.

 

“So-o,” Oikawa began, not looking at Kuroo as his finger tapped his stomach in fake nervousness. Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Wanna tell me now what that was about?”

 

“Kenma made Hinata cry.” That was the gist of the issue and Kuroo didn't think he needed to expand. He yawned.

 

“That sucks.” Oikawa replied and patted Kuroo on the butt.

 

Kuroo snorted. Oikawa was an ass at times.

 

“I take it you feel better now?” Oikawa continued.

 

Kuroo shrugged. “Not really.”

 

Oikawa turned to him then, concern in his expression.

Kuroo looked back and kept his face blank. He really wasn't in the mood to talk about it.

 

Oikawa sighed. “Wanna go another round?”

 

Kuroo laughed. “Yeah.”

 

They ended up going two more.

 

-*-

 

Things also changed at practice. There was a tension that had settled over the gym, a dark force of anger that seemed to be directed at him and came from Hinata, though Kuroo could not understand why.

 

He had walked into the locker room and felt it immediately, even though Hinata said nothing to him, only smiled- albeit somewhat plastic- before walking out and heading to the gym. Kuroo was taken aback because he did not understand what he had done to piss the shrimp off and he mentally ran through the last few days in case he'd missed something. Besides a few domestic things- leaving a shirt in the living room, forgetting about his dishes, maybe spending too much time in the shower- he could think of nothing else. He'd had his date with Oikawa but Kuroo could not believe that would have an effect on Hinata's mood, that would just be silly. That would mean Hinata was jealous and why would he be jealous?

 

However, the rest of the week's practices continued with the same atmosphere to the point that a few teammates commented to Kuroo about it. He didn't know what to say, because of their limited interactions outside of practice, he could not fathom a reason for Hinata to be so upset with him. Even at home, though the aura was less toxic it still remained. Kuroo did not dare bring it up with Hinata, afraid, always afraid, his feelings would be exposed.

 

However, at one point Oikawa asked him about it. Giving the same answer he always did- he didn't know- Kuroo noticed the tall brunette eyeing the ginger the next practice. There was a glimmer in Oikawa's eye, like he'd figured something out, and he ended up dragging a poor Hinata into the locker room. Kuroo's blood pressure spiked that day to cardiac arrest levels and would have followed them but his coach had yelled at him to get back to practice. Not long after, both men returned from the locker room, Oikawa smug and Hinata looking as if the fear of God had been stuffed into him. His eyes were wide and red as if he'd been crying and he actually made eye contact with Kuroo and smiled. It was small and it only lasted a second but Kuroo felt all the tension he'd been harboring in his shoulders leak out and he'd even offered a small smile in return.

 

Later that night, when he and Oikawa were wrapped up in a tangle of arms and legs he asked about it. Oikawa waved him off and stated, "It was just relationship issues."

 

"But that doesn't explain why he'd be mad at me." Kuroo whined into Oikawa's side, making him giggle when Kuroo's breath tickled his ribs. Oikawa flicked him in the forehead.

 

"They're not my issues to tell, dummy." And that was all he'd say about it so Kuroo let the matter drop.

 

Even with his stomach fluttering with a little hope, he kept his mouth shut.

 

-*-

 

"Hey, Tetsu-chan."

 

The call came around three in the morning, rousing Kuroo from sleep. He'd been in deep slumber when the sound of his phone broke through his dreams, annoying and loud and disrupting. He had answered, his voice raw and cracking from sleep.

 

"Tōru?" He coughed trying to clear his throat and sound more human and used his free hand to rub the tiredness from his eyes.

 

"Hey, um...could you come over?" Oikawa's voice sounded weird, like thin and he barely spoke above a whisper.

 

Kuroo sat up, the sheets and blankets falling from his chest as he ran a hand through his hair, looking for a clock. "What time is it?" Reality still had not caught up with him.

 

"It's late...or early, however you wanna look at it." His voice rose in tone as he talked and it was high pitched and trembling. "Hey, look, I'm sorry man, I shouldn’t have called. Go back to sleep..."

 

"Uh, wait a sec, okay?" Kuroo interrupted and coughed again, rapidly blinking his eyes to clear the remaining fuzziness from his head. Something was wrong. "What's going on Tōru? You sound bad."

 

"I-it's n-nothing." There was an unmistakable whimper in Oikawa's voice and Kuroo jumped into panic mode. Oikawa was always dramatic, it was a simple fact of his crappy personality. He liked drama and the way it got him attention. He was also not above calling Kuroo at ridiculous hours for stupid reasons. But this was different, it  _ felt  _ different. Oikawa was genuinely upset about something.

 

"Hey, Oikawa, I'm heading over there now. Gimme fifteen minutes, twenty at most, okay?"

 

"Okay." He whispered and hung up.

 

Kuroo rushed to throw on clothes, some loose sweats, t-shirt, hoodie, and a coat. He grabbed his wallet and keys before throwing on shoes and rushing out the door.

 

Within eighteen minutes he was knocking on Oikawa's door. When it was opened he was faced with an Oikawa whose eyes were red rimmed and an expression that said he was holding back tears. His hair was a mess as if he'd been running his hands through it for hours. Oikawa silently pulled the door open and stepped aside. Kuroo entered and removed his shoes, not taking his eyes off Oikawa.

 

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" He started before Oikawa had him pinned to wall, trying to kiss him like he'd die without Kuroo's lips on his. Kuroo tried to fend off Oikawa, not sure what was happening. It's not like things like this hadn't happened before, but the level of desperate in Oikawa's actions made Kuroo wary, if not a tiny bit scared.

 

"Oikawa, hey, wait!"

 

"You talk too fucking much, asshole. Shut up!"

 

Kuroo got his hands on Oikawa's shoulders and held him at arm's length, looking at him with wide uncertain eyes. Oikawa just glared back and folded his own arms over his chest.

 

"Oikawa, what's happening?"

 

"Well, I was trying to fuck you but it looks like that's not gonna happen."

 

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. "Do you wanna talk about whatever is going on?"

 

Oikawa sighed and flung his arms around. "Does it look like I wanna talk!?" Kuroo purses his lips and let go of Oikawa.

 

"So? We gonna fuck or not? It's what we do right?"  Oikawa asked, impatience marking his tone.

 

Kuroo sighed. "Fine, but calm the hell down."

 

Oikawa made a small noise in the back of his throat and looked as if he wanted to cry. "Fine." He replied through gritted teeth.

 

Kuroo wasn't sure what had happened but complied with Oikawa leading him to the bedroom. He figured they'd have sex, then, if Oikawa wanted to talk, Kuroo would let him.

 

Once in the bedroom, Oikawa tried to roughly shove Kuroo down but Kuroo wasn't about to give in. Something told him that Oikawa needed gentleness, someone to be caring and tender. So, he grabbed Oikawa by the waist, sat him gently down, and kissed him, slow and easy. Oikawa sniffed and wrapped his arms around Kuroo, pulling him tightly.

 

Kuroo was sitting in the bed with Oikawa not quite straddling him when the brunette pulled back to look him in the eye.

 

"Make love to me?"

 

They'd done a lot of things in the last few weeks to get off and find comfort. However, nothing they did could have ever been qualified as "making love" because they didn't feel that way toward each other. Sure it was passionate, at times caring, but never the kind of sex that comes with emotional fulfillment, the kind of tenderness that came with touching the person you loved. So, imagine Kuroo's surprise when Oikawa threw that request his way unexpectedly. "What?" He asked, caught off guard and looking at Oikawa in shock.

 

"I want you to touch me like you would Hinata if you could."

 

Kuroo continued to stare at him, then he suddenly brought up a hand to cup Oikawa's cheek, running a thumb under one watery eye. "Tōru...I...I can't..."

 

"I know I'm not him but I need to feel it. Please. Show me how much you love him."

 

The look of absolute need in Oikawa's dark brown eyes was breathtakingly sad. Kuroo could only nod, not sure how he would accomplish such a feat with anyone who was not the red haired love of his life.

 

"Close your eyes, Kuroo. Pretend it's him." Kuroo did so and felt Oikawa lean in. He felt warm breath in his lips as Oikawa's ghosted his and Kuroo thought of Hinata pink ones, flushed from excitement or practice, and Kuroo kissed back.

 

Kuroo had imagined Hinata enough that it was no problem to do so now. However, his imaginings and thoughts were usually accompanied with frustration and anger. He'd never actually lost himself to his fantasies with another person before but, it seemed, being given permission to do so unleashed a neediness in him he'd not yet experienced.

 

He still knew the man beneath him, moaning and rutting was Oikawa- some part of his brain could never forget that- Oikawa smelled different, felt different but he'd let himself go now, overwhelmed by his own feelings of love and longing, that Hinata's face came easily to him.

 

Kuroo touched Oikawa exactly as he'd asked, removing Oikawa's clothes slowly and trailing his tongue and teeth over every inch of skin he came across. His hands gripped and caressed Oikawa's firm arms and taught stomach. He tasted Oikawa's thighs and cock, groaning at the thought of doing this to Hinata, hearing him plead for release as Oikawa did then. When his fingers found their way into Oikawa's entrance, Kuroo felt his own hardness increase to the point of painfulness with how bad he wanted feel Hinata clench around him.

 

Honey colored eyes blended with soft, chocolate brown when Kuroo finally entered Oikawa, his moans and gasps overtaking Oikawa's normally loud ones. Overwhelming emotions of love and pain washed over him in waves as he thrust into Oikawa, quick and deep, growing ever closer to his finish and completely oblivious to Oikawa's pleasure. All he saw, all he could feel was his want for Hinata Shōyō and when his trembling began overtaking his body and he was about to come, he heard Oikawa insistently whisper in his ear, "Say his name. Say his given name!"

 

Kuroo came then, shouting  _ SHŌYŌ  _ into the air beside Oikawa's head, his orgasm hitting him so hard he was nearly sobbing. He collapsed onto of Oikawa, every muscle in his body liquified and his bone no more than jelly. He panted, chest heaving from the exertion and release. When he finally calmed enough, he rolled off Oikawa and disposed of the condom he had not even realized he'd worn.

 

"What the fuck was that!" He laughed, he hadn't felt this elated in a while. However, when Oikawa failed to make a comment, Kuroo looked over only to find Oikawa digging his hands into his eyes, tears slipping his cheeks, and biting his lip so hard Kuroo was afraid he'd break the skin.

 

Kuroo leaned over and pulled Oikawa into his chest. It was another thing they didn't do- cuddle post sex, their relationship not being that intimate. However, Kuroo didn't exactly think this particular situation counted and warranted an exception even if it did.

 

As soon as Kuroo slipped his arm around Oikawa, the brunette's arms shot around his shoulders and he buried his face in Kuroo's neck and sobbed, deep heaving, choking ones that suggested heartbreak of magnificent proportions. Kuroo said nothing and let Oikawa cry his fill as he rubbed Oikawa's back and ran his hand through his hair.

 

It took a long time for Oikawa to settle, until his crying was no more than snuffling whimpers. Kuroo wanted to ask what the hell had happened but figured he'd let Oikawa tell him when he was ready, so it was the brunette who finally broke the silence to offer an explanation amid quiet huffing sighs.

 

"I finally confessed to Hajime."

 

Kuroo had suspected, Oikawa could never be as upset as he was for anything less, but hearing it confirmed broke his heart anyway. Despite their weird, semi-codependent relationship, Kuroo and Oikawa had become good friends and Kuroo cared about him and his happiness. He hated seeing his friend feel this broken.

 

"I'm sorry, Tōru." He offered, knowing the apology was a weak effort to assuage an un-fixable problem.

 

"H-he told m-me that he's known. That he's k-known all these years how I felt but couldn't bring himself to confront me because h-he didn't feel the same way." Kuroo felt the fresh wave of tears, wet and warm on his chest and Oikawa's body shook with sobs he was trying to hold back.

 

"Shh...it's okay, Tōru. It'll be okay." Kuroo repeated, trying his best to calm his friend while trying not to cry himself.

 

"H-he told me he's seeing someone. That he's going to ask her to marry him. He told me he's avoided coming to see me because he did not know how to tell me. And the worst of it is that I think I've always known how he felt but I was just too much of a coward to accept it." Oikawa sniffed.

 

"I'm so sorry, Tōru." Kuroo repeated, running a hand through dark, brown hair. He kissed Oikawa's forehead and eyes and mouth and gathered him tighter. The thought of being in his position, hearing Hinata tell him he was not wanted, he could sympathize with how utterly lost Oikawa must feel.

 

He understood, then, why Oikawa had wanted Kuroo to touch him like he did. Oikawa wanted to feel wanted, confirmation that he was worthy of love, even if Kuroo was pretending it was someone else. Kuroo hated himself for going along with it. Oikawa had needed a friend, not to be used.

 

They fell silent after a while, continuing to hold each other, lost in their shared misery until they both fell asleep.

 

-*-

 

It had been three weeks since the incident between Oikawa and Iwazumi. Since then, Oikawa had thrown himself into his studies and volleyball and he and Kuroo maybe had sex once. Kuroo didn't mind, though. Instead, he kept a close eye on his friend when he wasn't working or in class. Finals were approaching quickly so Kuroo spent the majority of his free time at Oikawa's, studying alongside his friend and making sure he didn't descend into the abyss of depression. When Oikawa wasn't focused on school work he was over-practicing at the gym, pushing himself to even higher limits and trying to conquer his sadness through sheer will.

 

Kuroo bit his tongue whenever this happened, trying to give Oikawa the space he needed to work out his feelings in his own way. However, four straight, late nights holed up in the gym was becoming a problem and Kuroo worried his silence was enabling instead of constructive. He worried Oikawa would push himself too far, the end result being an injury that would take him off the court before the tournament- or worse, permanently ruin his career.

 

Kuroo understood Oikawa’s need to distract himself from the crushing sadness and his broken heart, but also knew that it was the duty of a good friend to protect, even if that meant protecting the friend from their own self-destructive coping mechanisms.

 

On the fifth night, when Oikawa had failed to reply to Kuroo’s texts or return home- he had wandered to Oikawa’s apartment to check on him- Kuroo decided enough was enough and jogged to campus to give the brat a piece of his mind or drag Oikawa physically from the gym if needed.

 

It was already after eight and practice had been over for a few hours. If Kuroo let it go, Oikawa would practice on his own until long after midnight. During practice the last few days, Kuroo could tell the extra activity, paired with the stress of school and his depression, was taking a toll on the brunette. He'd come to practice more quiet than usual and his big, brown eyes shadowed from lack of sleep.

 

Kuroo had wanted to say something before but let it slide in hopes he'd wear himself out before Kuroo had to intervene. However, Oikawa had ceased to stop and Kuroo could not stand by any longer.

 

At the gym Kuroo could hear the sounds of balls being hit and bouncing off the hardwood floors echoing through the closed steel doors and he flinched. The way the sound snapped as the ball made contact with the floor made Kuroo glad he was on the same team as Oikawa. He knew, having been the receiver of his share of Oikawa’s famous serves, that it felt like being slapped with a rocket that was near to breaking the sound barrier in its speed and strength. It really hurt, to say the least.

 

Each serve was punctuated by a low grunt and Kuroo stepped inside the gym just as Oikawa made contact with his nth serve. He'd toed off his shoes, just outside the door, his socked feet gliding noiselessly over the bare floor since he didn't have his gym shoes with him.

Kuroo took a moment to admire Oiakwa’s perfect form- the grace with which he dispensed the ball with almost killer perfection. Oikawa was a phenomena, perhaps not a genius in the typical sense, but definitely a prodigy in his own right and Kuroo appreciated him. He may not have taken to Oikawa in the beginning, but he had definitely warmed up to him. 

 

Kuroo was suddenly and quite humbly grateful Oikawa had taken the time to call him out. They were friends now and Kuroo would not change that for anything. It was a shame that Iwazumi had been unable to love him because Oikawa was a rare gem.

 

Of course Kuroo had no intentions of telling Oikawa that. Oikawa was insufferably narcissistic enough without that kind of praise.

 

When Oikawa paused to take a breather, bent at the waist with hands on knees, panting heavily and dripping sweat, Kuroo decided it was time to gain his attention and bring him home.

 

“Hey asswipe! I think you're done here or do you plan to die tonight in the middle of serving?”

 

Oikawa snapped straight up, startled to find himself not alone. His head whirled around to find Kuroo near the front doors with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and head tilted in question.

 

Oikawa glared at him and turned away, picking up a stray ball that had rolled near him. He twirled it in his hands before settling himself into position for another serve.

 

“Why the fuck do you have to sound exactly like Iwazumi!?” Oikawa snarled at him, bouncing the ball a few times before popping it into the air. He ran up to it, leaping like a predator after prey, flying effortlessly, and swung, sending the ball shooting over the net to plunge into the floor, almost flat from the force of Oikawa’s serve. It came back with a reverberating snap before flying at the far wall and bouncing again.

 

Kuroo sighed, the last thing he wanted was to remind Oikawa of his pain. 

 

“Oi, Torū, c’mon, don't you think you've worked hard enough?”

 

Oikawa barely glanced at him before launching into another serve.

 

“Oikawa.” Kuroo stated, voice cautious.

 

“Go away, Kuroo, I'm fine. I'm just trying to make sure I'm on target.”

 

Kuroo looked at the opposite side of the net where there were no targets. He sighed again.

 

“Oikawa, you can't continue to do this, you're punishing yourself for no reason. Everyone who knows you knows your serves are fucking perfect. You should really go home and get some rest.”

 

“Kuroo, I said I'm fine.”  _ SMACK _

 

“Torū!”

 

Oikawa faltered in the middle of a serve, his hand landing off kilter thus resulting in a weaker hit.

 

“FUCK!” He shouted as he bent over to pant again.

 

“Oikawa-”

 

But Kuroo was interrupted when he noticed that along with pants, Oikawa was visibly trembling. The sob that followed was so faint that Kuroo almost missed it. He was across the gym and next to Oikawa in seconds.

 

“Hey, hey, Torū. C’mon, don't do that to yourself.” Kuroo placed a hand on his back and rubbed gentle circles as he tried to comfort his grieving friend.

 

Oikawa let out a gut wrenching, choking sob and stood up, the palms of his hands pressed into his closed eyes.

 

“I-I just c-can't stop thinking of him and why he c-couldn't l-love me!” Oikawa was biting his lips, desperately trying to hold back his feelings.

 

“Torū, you know that's not fair, right? His feelings- or lack of them- had more to do with him being straight. He can't help that no more than you can help that you're gay.” Kuroo squeezed his shoulder.

 

Oikawa sniffed. “It's not just that, though.” He finally looked at Kuroo, his eyes red and teary. There was also fear in them that Kuroo couldn't understand.

 

Oikawa took a deep breath. Wen he let it out, he looked away from Kuroo and whispered, “Iwazumi was the only one who would put up with me.”

 

Kuroo froze, his eyes wide, not sure how to respond. “What...what do you mean?” He asked, his voice laden with confusion and concern.

 

Oikawa sighed, his face scrunching up and Kuroo saw fresh tears squeezing out of his eyes to mingle with the old tears and sweat still dripping from his chin. 

 

“I know how people think of me. I know people tend to think I'm silly and dramatic and Iwazumi was the only person who never seemed to care. He was always there no matter how much I annoyed him or how insane I acted. I know he never loved me, not the way I loved him for all these years. But it never mattered because around him I never felt alone. He knew me and accepted me and now I don't even have that.” Oikawa looked at Kuroo then, the tears falling freely but no longer followed up with sobbing. The only thing in his expression was resignation- and sadness. To Kuroo, it seemed that Oikawa had accepted the nonsense fact that no one other than Iwazumi would ever give him the security they'd once shared- Oikawa didn't believe anyone would ever really want him. 

 

Kuroo was pissed. He didn't know who had made Oikawa feel like this- and it was most likely something Oikawa had developed himself overtime and rooted in his deeply hidden insecurities- but Kuroo was incensed that someone so awesome could feel so worthless. Kuroo pulled Oikawa into a hug, burying his face in sweaty hair.

 

“Ugh, dumbass! Get off, I'm gross!” Oikawa tried to push Kuroo off of him but only succeeded in making Kuroo hold him tighter. Kuroo felt Oikawa go limp, his long arms dangling limply at his sides and brushing against Kuroo’s thighs.

 

“Seriously?” Oikawa stated, his voice flat.

 

“You are not alone, Oikawa. You are not annoying...most days.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“You are a tremendous volleyball player and friend. Iwazumi knew it but couldn't give you what you wanted, not because you're unworthy but because you're a dude. Only you see yourself as unloveable because as far as I have seen, people go crazy over you- you are special. One day, as clichè as it sounds, someone is gonna see what Iwazumi did but they will be able to love you the way you deserve. You're a diamond and anyone who doesn't see that is a bitchass fool.”

 

It was quiet for a moment before Oikawa snorted in Kuroo’s ear. “You're a fucking sap, you know that?”

 

Kuroo chuckled and pulled back, Oikawa may have been sarcastic but there was appreciation behind his eyes and fondness in his smile. Kuroo kissed him, cupping his face in his hands.

 

It was then when they both heard a hitch of breath in the quiet gym and turned to see a streak of ginger hair disappearing behind the closing locker room door.

 

“Was that- was that Hinata?” Kuroo stuttered, his eyes going so big that he was sure Oikawa would see his brain.

 

Oikawa at once took off for the locker room, wiping his face on his shirt, trying to smooth out his rumpled, upset appearance. Kuroo stood frozen to the ground, not sure what was happening. He suddenly realized that Oikawa was going after Hinata and Kuroo shook himself before jogging to catch up with his friend. He reached out to grab Oikawa’s arm and stop him.

 

“Oh, hey, what are you doing?” He asked, feeling slightly panicked and not understanding why.

 

Oikawa looked back at Kuroo and narrowed his, shook him off, and continued on his mission. “I want to know how much he saw.”

 

“Does it matter?” Kuroo hissed. He didn't know why he felt so paranoid at the moment. What did it matter what Hinata did or didn't see?

 

“I don't really want the whole team to know I was having a breakdown in the gym.” Oikawa reached the doors as he said this, swinging it open and stalking inside. Kuroo followed, although a little more timid. Why did he feel like he'd just been caught in the act of committing a crime?

 

They walked slowly passed the rows of lockers, looking down each one before they heard one slam closed. As they approached the first row, where the first years usually are, they heard a soft whimper and sniffling. Oikawa clicked his tongue. Kuroo looked at him in confusion though Oikawa ignored him.

 

They rounded the corner and found the small redhead leaning against his locker, forehead pressed into the cold metal, both hands planted in front of him. His profile suggested his face was scrunched up in a frown of some sort and he tapped one toe of his shoes roughly against the floor in apparent frustration.

 

“Ya~hoo, Chibichan?” Oikawa sang and Hinata jumped a foot at their sudden appearance. Kuroo tried not to stare. Hinata was dressed in street clothes, a dark blue t-shirt, that was Kuroo’s unfortunate favorite, and jeans. His coat hung open at the front. His eyes were wide with surprise and they were also slightly red and watery as if he'd been crying.

 

“Oikawa-san, Kuroo.” He choked out, his round face flushing in embarrassment.

 

Kuroo only nodded in his direction, shifting his feet. Interactions between them were always awkward and uncomfortable.

 

“Sooo…” Oikawa began, “How much of that…” he waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the gym, “did you see?”

 

Hinata looked between the both of them, flinching and looking off to the side. He shrugged. “I came in around ‘I know how people think of me’.”

 

Kuroo could feel Oikawa stiffen up and though he couldn't  see his expression, Kuroo imagined it somewhere between fear and let's-kill-him-and-hide-the-body embarrassment.

 

Suddenly Oikawa relaxed and leaned his back against the locker next to Kuroo. Kuroo would never admit to sort of hiding behind Oikawa but he did feel incredibly exposed when Oikawa’s body suddenly disappeared, leaving him unprotected and feeling vulnerable beneath Hinata’s gaze. Kuroo ducked his head, whatching them from the cover of his wild hair.

 

Oikawa smirked. “Enjoy the show?”

 

Kuroo winced and nudged him in the side. “Be nice, Torū!” He hissed and noticed Hinata subtlety flinch when Kuroo spoke Oikawa’s given name.

 

Hinata recovered quickly enough, trying to affect an impassive expression and shrugged. “I hadn't meant to overhear. I only came to get my phone, I left it by accident after practice. I heard voices from the gym and went to check it out and found you two.”

 

“And you stayed to watch.” Oikawa stated, matter-of-fact.

 

Hinata flushed and looked away again, obviously embarrassed. “You were upset and I thought, maybe, I would come help.” He looked up, then, pointedly at Oikawa, his eyes flashing. “But it looks like your  _ boyfriend _ had everything under control.”

 

Oikawa made a weird noise at the back of his throat, something between a scandalized squawk and a growl and Kuroo restrained him before he lunged at Hinata like an evil witch on a broom. Either way, Oikawa was still able to leer at him, a saccharine smile planted in his face that conflicted with the murderous intent behind his narrowed eyes.

 

Kuroo was extremely uncomfortable. For some reason it felt as if Oikawa was being possessive and Hinata was challenging him. It was weird and Kuroo was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation. 

 

“What Kuroo and I are is none of your business. Whatever you saw, just keep it to yourself.” Oikawa snapped but then changed his tone to venom soaked in honey. “That is, unless you'd like to talk about-”

 

“Petty much!?” Hinata snapped back and glared at Oikawa. The two stared each other down before Hinata shrugged, His face breaking into his trademark grin- one that somehow didn't convince Kuroo of its sincerity since it didn't reach his eyes, and he replied, “You're right. It isn't my business. Anyway, I gotta run,  _ Kenma _ is waiting for me. We have a date tonight.”

 

Kuroo’s stomach turned and his heart seized in his chest. Those words may have been directed at Oikawa but he had a feeling they were meant for him. Why, though?

 

Hinata turned and waved over his shoulder as he headed out the door. Just before it closed Kuroo caught a flash of amber eyes and a hint of sadness in them.

 

“Little shit.” Oikawa whispered and he sighed.

 

Kuroo, on the other hand was dumbfounded. 

 

“What the fuck was that about!?” He scoffed at Oikawa. 

 

Oikawa’s brown eyes stared back at him, intense and searching. Kuroo just looked back, confused and frustrated. He sorta understood the world from Bokuto’s point of view in that moment. He was sure Oikawa was looking at him the way Kuroo looked at Bokuto when the dumb owl wasn't getting something that should be easy to understand.

 

“What!?” Kuroo snapped.

 

Oikawa only sighed and shook his head. “Nothing, don't worry about it.” 

 

Kuroo glared at him but dropped it. If Oikawa wanted to be a dick after everything Kuroo had done, well fuck him then.

 

“Whatever, dude.”

 

Oikawa clapped him on the shoulder. “I'm hungry. Wanna get some food and beer? You can drop by and hang out, we could watch bad movies.”

 

Kuroo folded his arms in front of his chest and frowned down at the floor feeling betrayed and not fully understanding why.

 

“My treat.” Oikawa coaxed, his sweaty face inching into Kuroo's line of sight.

 

Free food and beer. Despite his irritation Kuroo could not fight the grin that pushed his way onto his face. He looked up at Oikawa.

 

“I'm getting, like, four courses.”

 

Oikawa squeaked. “Greedy bastard!”

 

Kuroo laughed. “I deserve it for being an awesome friend.”

 

Oikawa smirked at him before heading back toward the door that lead out to the gym, shoving Kuroo as he stepped around him. “You're only an awesome friend if you help me clean up the gym.”

 

“Yeah, I'm just a good friend.” Kuroo retorted following behind.

 

“Tetsu-chan, you're so mean!”

 

-*-

 

When classes had officially ended for their winter break, before school resumed, Kuroo convinced Oikawa to go out despite all his bellyaching.

 

"But I don't wanna. I'm tired and sad and all I wanna do is eat a bucket of ice cream and watch sappy movies." Oikawa whined but it fell on deaf ears. Kuroo had enough of Oikawa's pouting. He was determined to get him out of the house to do something besides practice.

 

-*-

 

He and Oikawa ended up pressed against each other, two of many in a sea of sweat-soaked, undulating bodies moving to the pounding rhythm of bass and electronic dance music. They were with their team celebrating the end of the semester with lots of drinking and an excuse to dry hump each other on the dance floor.

 

Kenma arrived with Hinata who had invited a few others to join them, Kageyama Tobio and his boyfriend, Sugawara Kōshi, along with their fellow teammates Tsukishima Kei and his significant other, Yamaguchi Tadashi, and Nishinoya Yū and his boyfriend, Asahi Azumane. Kuroo had invited Boukuto and Akaashi and Oikawa had brought Matsukawa Issei and his lover Hanamki Takahiro. A good quarter of the club was filled with volleyball players and their friends.

 

Oikawa was making gestures indicating he was hot and Kuroo, understanding, guided him to the rest of their group in order to take a break from the excessive heat and grab some drinks. Kuroo had a hand on the small of Oikawa's back as they snaked their way to the corner of the club their large squad had commandeered for the evening.

 

They snagged an empty seat amongst their friends, and Oikawa immediately engaged in conversation with his two friends. They were a couple he was unfamiliar with but the way they surrounded Oikawa, as if protecting him while teasing him mercilessly, suggested that they were aware of the situation and it let Kuroo relax. Oikawa almost seemed back to his old self the way he pouted and squealed at them in mock anger. Kuroo found the whole thing entertaining and was chuckling about it as he made his way to the bar to buy drinks for himself and his date.

 

It felt like an hour as Kuroo waited, pressed among the sweaty bodies of other people needing alcohol. However, he finally returned to the group, two beers and some shots in tow, and found Oikawa was currently in an animated conversation with Karasuno' former libero. He set their drinks down before slipping behind Oikawa who sat on a tall bar stool and flicked Oikawa in the back of the head while nodding at Noya.

 

"Ow, you shit! You're so violent!"

 

"Only cause you deserve it." Kuroo teased, smirking at Oikawa who rolled his eyes before resuming his conversation. Kuroo tuned him out as Oikawa was on a rant about some alien conspiracy...again.

 

Kuroo's eyes wandered the dance floor and he took a drink of his beer. His eyes caught hold of a mop of orange hair pinned between Kenma and Sugawara, who was also pinned in by his boyfriend, Kageyama. It was a hot scene, truth be told. All four looked like some weird centipede, all limbs and tongues. Kenma had one of Hinata's legs propped while he groped his ass and sucked his neck and Hinata was fisting Kenma's hair with one hand while the other was planted firmly on Suga's ass who incidentally had Hinata's hips in his as he leaned back into his boyfriend and crammed his neck to make out with him. Kageyama brought up the end of the train, his own hips digging into Sugawara while he gripped his boyfriend's waist. They were managing to keep the beat of the current tune pounding in the sweat box that was the club and if they had been naked, Kuroo was sure they'd make a great porn. They were obviously drunk.

 

He tried not to let his eyes linger on the sweat-soaked Hinata and he told himself it was just the scene itself, but the way the smaller middle blocker was rolling his hips to the music while several pairs of hands groped him was hard to ignore.

 

"I need beer." Oikawa declared, conversation at a lull and his voice waiting.

 

"Good for you." Kuroo answered absentmindedly. Oikawa huffed dramatically.

 

Kuroo pulled his eyes away from the spectacle just as Kenma and Kageyama unhitched themselves from the fuck show and started making their way toward the bar leaving Suga and Hinata to finish their dance. Kuroo was kind of sad he wouldn't be observing that.

 

Oikawa sighed in mock exasperation. "You're so needy." Kuroo retorted, placing a cold, plastic cup in his waiting hand. The other smirked back at him over his cup before chugging a significant portion of it down. Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

 

"Your dick is needy." The other retorted, licking his lips, his eyes flashing suggestively.

 

"Aww, your mom said the same thing to me last night." Kuroo teased and Oikawa scrunched his nose up in disgust.

 

"Your so gross."

 

Kuroo laughed at him and chugged his own beer before gesturing at the shots he brought. Oikawa grinned and they both grabbed a glass and threw it back. Oikawa grimaced and chased it with a swig of beer.

 

"Pussy." Kuroo smirked.

 

"Fuck off, stupid cat. That shit was nasty."

 

Kuroo suddenly felt himself pulled away by strong hands and he turned, half irritated, to find a semi-drunk Bokuto and flushed Akaashi trying to drag him to the dance floor.

 

"Dance now, flirt later," the interrupting owl hooted, "we're here to party!"

 

"Who would flirt with that bastard!?" Kuroo howled while being pulled to the dance floor, the sound of Oikawa's offended squawking being drowned by the bass of the music.

 

The normally calm, dark-haired setter followed behind, clutching at his boyfriend and giggling as Bokuto pushed Kuroo along. Akaashi turned as they went, throwing a pouting Oikawa a wave and yelling, "Sorry but we're gonna borrow the cat for a bit."

 

The three men created their own train as they fell in time to the music, the pounding of the speakers drowning out any form of verbal communication and pulling them into a trance-like state of quasi-worship of flesh. Kuroo felt a body slide up against him and smiled, thinking Oikawa had joined them but when he turned around to dance with him, he came face-to-face with a pair of amber eyes. He nearly tripped in surprise but Hinata caught him and pulled his head down until the taller male's ear was flush with the Hinata’s pink lips.

 

"Dance with me." Hinata purred into the shell of his ear and Kuroo felt a dangerous shiver slip down his spine and his heart rate increase, if that was even possible given the circumstances.

 

Kuroo knew he need to decline. He should have walked off the dance floor and ignored him. However, whether it was the alcohol flowing through his system or the music in his ears, or even the aroused state of the entire room, Kuroo didn't' know. Instead he wrapped an arm around Hinata and pulled him close, his dark eyes never leaving Hinata's.

 

If the club hadn't been so hot that he actually had to force himself to take in the recycled air or suffocate, Kuroo would have stopped breathing and probably dropped dead from the feeling of Hinata moving against him. The thought frightened him as both men moved in time to the music. Kuroo watched Hinata whose eyes were half lidded, want mixed with determination making his eyes sparkle.

 

As long as Kuroo had known the ginger he'd been clumsy. Kuroo would have been the first to laugh if anyone had described the short middle blocker as graceful having seen first hand how many times the dude can take a ball to the face. But graceful was exactly what Kuroo was experiencing as Hinata rolled and twisted against him, keeping up with Kuroo's more seasoned dance moves.

 

With so many bodies pressed against them and as drunk as Kuroo currently felt, he quickly lost his inhibitions, regardless that a small voice in the back of his mind told him he was making a mistake.

 

Kuroo ignored it and refused to think too deeply about what this meant as he allowed himself one moment to touch Hinata in ways he'd only dreamed of. He'd blame it on the alcohol later.

 

Hinata appeared not to think about the consequences either as he gripped Kuroo's waist with his hands and dipped his body before slowly rising up to roll his hips into the taller raven's.

 

Okay, so, yeah, Kuroo just might come in his pants before the song was finished. He had to repeatedly remind himself that it was just a dance. They were just dancing. Just. Dancing.

 

Kuroo flipped Hinata around, bringing his back flush with his chest before gripping the shorter male's waist and sliding one hand to rest just above Hinata’s thigh. Hinata allowed him to take the lead as Kuroo swayed and rolled their hips. Hinata leaned forward at one point, pressing his ass into Kuroo's half hard dick and the raven was glad the music was so loud because he audibly groaned at the visual. He'd imagined just this scene on many occasion. Except they were alone, and naked.

 

Kuroo tangled his fingers in orange hair and pulled back, forcing Hinata to look at him. That gaze was back on his face and Kuroo was losing a battle that kept bringing his lips closer to that pink, flushed mouth when he suddenly felt himself being dragged from the dance floor.

 

Separated from Hinata, Kuroo watched as someone else took his place. However, those amber eyes followed him until they were swallowed up in the crowd.

 

Kuroo turned to see whose hand it was that pulled him away wondering what was everyone's obsession with yanking him around. He was roughly tugged into the nearest bathroom and into an empty stall where brown eyes watched him with trepidation.

 

"Having fun?" Oikawa asked, his tone was playful but his eyes hinted at...concern?

 

"I was until you pulled me off probably the most erotic moment of my life." Kuroo could still feel that small body moving against his and his head was fuzzy from more than the alcohol he'd consumed.

 

Oikawa purses his lips. "I will ignore that unconscious comment about my sexual prowess and inform you that I actually saved your dumb ass."

 

It was Kuroo's turn to look at Oikawa warily. "What the hell are you talking about?" The alcohol was making it hard to follow the conversation.

 

Oikawa snorted and planted a hand on one hip. "Did you forget where we are and whom we're with, stupid? You and Hinata were practically dry humping out there!"

 

Kuroo chuckled nervously even as he stuffed the feeling of hope back into the darkness where it belonged. "Don't get your panties in a twist, Oikawa. We were just dancing and we're both a bit drunk...or really drunk, I haven't decided yet.” Kuroo shook his head, which was a bad idea since it increased his already dizzy state. “It was nothing serious."

 

"Oh?" Oikawa questioned, leaning forward. It would have been an intimidating tactic except he leaned a little too far and wobbled before catching himself. "You think that excuse would have flown once Kenma made it to you?"

 

"What?" Kuroo asked, confused. What did Kenma have to do with this?

 

"Kuroo." Oikawa huffed in exasperation before continuing. "Kuroo, you can tell yourself it was just dancing all you want but what I saw, what Kenma saw, was you and Hinata practically fucking each other in a room full of strangers."

 

The alcohol in his system slowed his processing capabilities significantly and he was still reeling from his moment with Hinata, but as Oikawa's words finally sunk in, the blood drained from his face. "Oh my fucking GOD!" He yelled and Oikawa nodded his head and blinked slowly. "Kenma! Fuck! I need to apologize like right now!"

 

Kuroo was panicking. Despite his alcohol-laced thoughts, he repeated the mantra aloud that had been in his head, the one he tried to convince himself of while he gripped Hinata and tried to kiss him, "We were just dancing."

 

-*-

 

In the early morning hours, Kuroo and Oikawa stumbled back to Kuroo's apartment, something Kuroo had never initiated before. It was awkward enough knowing Hinata and Kenma slept and had sex in the shared space, Kuroo didn't want to add to it by bringing home any potential sexual partners.

 

However, the trains had long since stopped running and, frankly, they were too drunk to call a cab or walk the distance to Oikawa's. Not too mention, Kuroo was really too drunk to care at the moment, his earlier fears washed away by copious amounts of alcohol.

 

That was how Kuroo had decided to deal with the blunder he'd made. After Oikawa had dragged him into the bathroom and informed him of his now, he suspected, very precarious situation with Kenma, he'd attempted to leave and make his apologies. However, before he could even open the bathroom door he'd faltered. The last few years of avoiding the whole emotional mess had developed into a crippling, self-induced PTSD whenever he thought about his feelings being exposed. Even if he wanted to confess everything to Kenma, he didn't think he could anymore. So instead of going to his friend like a man, he'd cowardly holed up in bathroom until the panic attack passed while Oikawa rubbed his back, worry wrinkling his brow.

 

By the time he was calm enough to make it back out among the crowd, Kenma and Hinata had disappeared. Inquiries of their friends among the group they'd come with told him the pair had retired early amid heavy tension. The thought that Kuroo had been apart of that, added to their already unsteady relationship, made him sick to his stomach. So, like the mature adult he was, he decided to get blackout drunk.

 

He didn't get quiet  _ that _ wasted (no thanks to Oikawa) but by the time he and Oikawa made it back to Kuroo's, he'd already puked twice- Oikawa laughing over his shoulder- and was feeling slightly better, physically if not emotionally.

 

Kuroo's apartment was bathed in inky black darkness when they arrived. Both men tried, with all their drunken strength, to be as quiet as possible. They must have at least succeeded some because no sounds came from the direction of his roommates' bedroom.

 

Oikawa slumped into the couch as Kuroo turned on the kitchen light, the brightness spilling into the room and bathing everything in glaring yellow light that Kuroo hissed at. Oikawa chuckled at his reaction and leaned his head back on the couch and sighed.

 

"Want some water?" Kuroo asked him from the kitchen. Oikawa grunted, which Kuroo took as a yes and grabbed two bottles from the fridge, not trusting their inebriated condition enough to grip glassware.

 

Kuroo tossed one of the bottles to Oikawa, who grunted when it landed in his lap and rolled his head to glare at Kuroo who chuckled and plopped down next to his friend. They both sipped their water for a few minutes in comfortable silence.

 

Oikawa's low, quiet voice shattered the stillness when he asked, "How drunk are you?"

 

Kuroo shrugged. "Puking sobered me up some and drinking water has helped. Why? You worried about me?"

 

Oikawa snorted. "Fuck no. I'm horny and wanna know you're not too wasted to get it up."

 

Kuroo's shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. He could feel Oikawa grinning next to him. "Dude, you're insatiable." He teased as he slapped Oikawa's thigh.

 

"Ow, asshole! You're one to talk." Oikawa punched him back but the reaction was sluggish, the alcohol in his system making his movements sloppy. Kuroo caught his wrist- his own movements jerky- and yanked Oikawa over top of him.

 

"Shh, jerk-face. You wanna wake everyone up?" Kuroo bent over him, lips only inches away. "Now shut up so we can fuck."

 

Oikawa mock sighed. "So demanding." Then they were kissing. There was a brief moment where Kuroo and Oikawa had to disentangle so Kuroo could wobble to his room to gather supplies. Oikawa was giggling as he made his stumbling way to the bedroom and he came back out, trying to glare at Oikawa but succeeded only in joining him in his giggles.

 

After that, things progressed rather rapidly. Kuroo sat on the couch, naked, knees spread as Oikawa straddled him, hips slotted together as the brunette bounced in Kuroo's lap. Oikawa had a death grip on the back of the couch as he worked his hips over Kuroo who buried his head in Oikawa's neck, one hand clutching Oikawa's hip and the other cupping his ass. Kuroo used Oikawa as leverage as he drove himself into Oikawa with as much reckless abandon as Oikawa fucked him. They were trying to be as quiet as possible, withholding moans and gasps and grunts but it was rather ironic since the couch was making enough noise for the both of them. Still, they whispered dirty things to each other, Kuroo losing himself to hedonistic joy of sexual gratification.

 

He was peaking, the feel of his undoing pooling in his gut like red, hot magma. He threw his head back and opened his eyes to look at his partner. Oikawa's mouth hung open, the combination of a mischievous smirk and the "o" of pleasure, a low moan escaping despite his effort to be quiet and he was looking off to the side, his eyes glazed yet still sharp, glinting with something unknown and impish.

 

Kuroo was too gone to focus or he might have been worried. However, his orgasm was rapidly approaching. "Fuck, Tōru...I'm gonna fucking....cu...."

 

Oikawa's eyes shot down to him and locked onto Kuroo's hazel, lust-filled gaze. "Say it."

 

"Fuck. Tōr..."

 

" _ Say it!" _

 

This had been a new development in their sexual encounters. Since the night Kuroo had gone running to a devastated Oikawa, when they had sex Oikawa had started demanding Kuroo call him by Hinata's given name when he came. It had only happened once so far but Kuroo was pretty sure it was some weird, new kink Oikawa had developed in the wake of his rejection. Kuroo was pretty sure Oikawa just liked hearing Kuroo's desperate need when Hinata's name burst from his lips. Maybe it was a vicarious feeling, hearing how wanted Hinata was when he wasn't wanted by Iwazumi. Whatever his reasons, Kuroo had obliged him. Moaning Hinata's name during his climax only served to make it that much more intense, the frustration and desire being released like the spillover from a damn that was near bursting anyway.

 

However, that had only happened in the privacy of Oikawa's home. Kuroo hesitated here in his own apartment where the chance of being overheard was too incredible. Kuroo's hips stuttered and slowed at Oikawa's insistence and his head shook, eyes wide with trepidation.

 

"Say it, Tetsurō. Please." The look in Oikawa's eyes softened to pleading and Kuroo's breath caught. Oikawa rolled his hips and Kuroo groaned.

 

"Shōyō." He uttered, breathless, hips jerking reflexively.

 

"Again." Oikawa encouraged, rolling his hips again and Kuroo met him halfway.

 

" _ Shōyō. _ " He groaned, low and long, drawing out Hinata's name, letting it roll over his tongue as if he was tasting it for the first time. This time his hips didn't falter and he thrusted with renewed vigor. In the moment of his hesitation, his orgasm had cooled. However, using Hinata's name never failed to light a blaze within his veins and in no time he was fucking up into Oikawa like it was the last thing he'd ever do. It was different this time, the severe pleasure washing over him and Kuroo suspected it was due to being in his own house with the ginger sleeping only meters away. Oikawa could do little more than hold on with one hand while he snaked the other between them to stroke himself.

 

"Hn, shit,Tetsu...I'm close." Oikawa's face was scrunched up  and he licked his lips before his mouth dropped open. However, his eyes never left the spot he'd been staring at since Kuroo first looked up at him.

 

"Yeah, me too." Kuroo watched him, his mind vaguely wondering what Oikawa was staring at but he was so close to his release that he could spare little brain power for getting an answer.

 

"Again, Kuroo, say it again." Oikawa rolled his hips hard and Kuroo felt warmth spilling onto his bare, sweat-soaked chest, a low-pitched moan rumbling through him that Kuroo felt throughout Oikawa's body.

 

"SHŌYŌ!" Kuroo growled and he came seconds after Oikawa, thrusting deep and hard into Oikawa as he clenched around him. He continued to thrust as he rode out his orgasm, his head thrown back over the back of the couch.

 

They stilled, both panting hard from the heavy, alcohol fueled activity. Oikawa slumped against Kuroo, their synched breaths causing the stickiness between them to smear with each drag of air.

 

"Gross." Oikawa whispered.

 

"Oi, get off me so I can get a towel."

 

"Aww, honey, you don't wanna cuddle?" Oikawa teased as he slid off Kuroo's lap, whimpering as Kuroo slid out of him.

 

"Now who's gross?" Kuroo smirked.

 

"Mean, Tetsu-chan. And after I rode your dick so well."

 

Kuroo snorted and rose to grab a towel. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he might have noticed Kenma's door latching softly and icy fear shot down his spine. Yet, when he looked it was closed like it had been since he got home.

 

He shrugged his shoulders. He was probably just being paranoid.

 

-*-

 

Life within the universe of Kuroo, Kenma, and Hinata changed drastically after the night at the club. There were no words exchanged, no discussion about misunderstandings or feelings. It was as if the mounting tension of the last four years had reached its breaking point, their tentative friendships like a glass house with one too many micro-cracks and threatening to shatter with the slightest mishap.

 

Kuroo was a ball of nerves whenever he was home, feeling as if somehow he was the cause of all of this. He wanted to believe that Kenma shared somewhat in the responsibility of their circumstance- that he should never have pressured Kuroo into agreeing to let Hinata move in- but Kuroo struggled to hold onto that kind of finger pointing when he had, in the end, agreed to it. Plus, how could he blame Kenma at all when Kuroo was the one harboring secret feelings for his best friend’s lover? And there was no way Kuroo could blame Hinata since he was the unwitting recipient of Kuroo’s feelings. In Kuroo’s opinion, Hinata was an innocent bystander. 

 

So, yes, this whole thing was his fault.

 

Kuroo spent the majority of his free time at Oikawa’s. since the club incident, their own relationship having changed too. They were no longer sleeping together, a fact Kuroo was all too happy to let go of. Instead, they'd settled into a comfortable friendship and Oikawa was quickly becoming one of Kuroo’s closest pals.

 

However, that relationship didn't come without its frustrations. For instance, Oikawa had turned his uncanny ability to see through bullshit on Kuroo and at the moment he was staring Kuroo down, trying to make him uncomfortable enough to talk. 

 

“Oikawa, please stop staring at me.” Kuroo was pointedly trying to ignore the big brown eyes targeting him in favor of focusing on the volleyball game playing on the tv. Everyone in their team had been given a DVD copy of recent games played by the team they would be playing against the following weekend during the first round of the Intercollegiate Championships. They'd managed to make it and we're feeling good about their chances of winning. His team had worked hard on it, which is why he couldn't understand Oikawa’s current obsession with staring at him. He should be more focused.

 

“I will when you tell me what's going on.” Kuroo could sense Oikawa crossing his arms in irritation and continue to stare him down.

 

“Nothing is going on. Shouldn't you be more focused on beating this team?”

 

Oikawa snorted in indignation. “Please. I've got that covered. Besides, how am I to concentrate with you all emotionally fucked up?”

 

Kuroo spared him a derisive glance. “I'm always emotionally fucked up, what makes this time any different?”

 

Oikawa sighed. “Seriously, Testsu, did something happen? Did Kenma say anything to you?” 

 

Kuroo was silent for a moment, watching the game but not really seeing any of the plays. “I hate when you read me like that.” He replied finally. “No, Kenma didn't say anything.”

 

Kuroo looked at Oikawa who was returning his gaze with worry. “Then why the hell have you practically moved into my apartment?”

 

Kuroo’s eyebrows rose in shock. He hadn't  _ moved _ anywhere. He'd only been staying with Oikawa a lot, not wanting to go home. “I haven't moved in.” He stated defensively.

 

Oikawa snorted again. “Your toothbrush has taken up permanent residence in my bathroom and yesterday I'm sure I pulled on one of your shirts when I was getting dressed. Even my couch smells more like you than me now.”

 

Kuroo sniffed himself, “Hey! I smell good. Feel privileged.”

 

“Tetsurō.” Oikawa chastised.

 

Kuroo narrowed his eyes and blew out a puff of air petulantly. “Fine.” He said, feeling backed into a corner. “Things are...different...back home.”

 

Oikawa raised an eyebrow, his way of asking for clarification. 

 

Kuroo sighed. “Ever since the club, things have been more strained between us.”

 

“Us?” Oikawa asked.

 

“Kenma, Hinata, and I.” Kuroo answered. He shrugged. “I don't like being there. The tension is ridiculous and I don't know how to fix it.”

 

Now it was Oikawa’s turn to be quiet. He watched Kuroo for a moment then turned his attention to the tv. “You could move out.” He said, his voice playing at nonchalance though there was an undercurrent of wariness.

 

Kuroo didn't answer right away, he knew Oikawa was just trying to be helpful. “I know.” He said finally. He didn't want to add  _ but I can't,  _ knowing Oikawa would just see him as weak. He turned back to the television.

 

Oikawa looked at him again, then said, “Or you could just tell them.”

 

Kuroo’s head snapped around so suddenly the room spinned. “Are you fucking  _ insane _ !?” He nearly shouted.

 

“Calm down, Kuroo. It was just a suggestion.” Oikawa replied, hurt in his chocolate brown eyes. 

 

Kuroo sighed and lowered his head. “Look, I'm sorry, but you know how it is. I can't do  _ that _ . I can't risk it all falling apart because I'm selfish.”

 

Oikawa huffed in frustration. “Sounds like it's falling apart anyway.”

 

Kuroo looked at him, glaring. “What do you know!?” He snapped.

 

Oikawa glared back. “I know you blame yourself for this whole thing and I can't figure out why. I know you're hiding out here because you don't want to face the truth.”

 

Kuroo stood up and began gathering his things. “Fuck you, Oikawa, you're such a pretentious shit sometimes. You sit here and judge me for my weakness when you've been just as guilty. If you don't want me here, have the balls to tell me. Otherwise, mind your own goddamned business!”

 

Kuroo was turning to leave when he felt a hand on his arm and Kuroo glared at Oikawa. He was gazing back, worry in his expression, not judgement. Kuroo deflated immediately.

 

“Tetsurō, I am not judging you. However, I can tell how much pressure this situation is putting on you. Why are you taking this whole thing on your shoulders? Why aren't you confronting Kenma or Hinata?”

 

Kuroo just looked at him. Did Oikawa seriously not understand whose fault this whole fucked up mess was?

 

“Because I'm the one to blame. I had a chance to have Hinata for myself and I gave it up for my friend. I am the one with unrequited feelings. I'm the one who continues to pine away for someone I will never have. Why would I blame anyone else when I'm the reason Kenma and Hinata are miserable?”

 

Oikawa looked as if he wanted to cry. His face screwed up, his eyes got shimmery, and his mouth turned into a frown.

 

“YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!” He hollered. Kuroo backed up a few steps, dumbfounded by Oikawa’s sudden outburst. 

 

“Oikawa…?” Kuroo choked. 

 

Oikawa ignored him and continued. “Aren't you supposed to be some uncanny provocator of people!? Doesn't that require at least an ounce of insight!? How can you miss the most obvious signs glaring in front of your dumb face!?”

 

Kuroo’s expression went slack. Oikawa stood before him nearly panting in anger and Kuroo was clueless as to what he was hinting at. 

 

“Oikawa, I haven't the slightest clue what you are talking about.”

 

Oikawa placed his hands on his hips and glared at Kuroo as hard as possible. Kuroo swallowed around a lump in his throat, he was kinda afraid at that moment. Then, as if the past few minutes had not happened, Oikawa relaxed and a sneaky grin spread across his face. Kuroo felt his blood turn to ice.

 

“I wonder how Hinata felt hearing his name slip from your lips as you came?” Oikawa tilted his head and tapped his chin as if considering this idea thoughtfully. His eyes didn't leave Kuroo’s.

 

Kuroo would have asked what he meant but something told him an explanation was unnecessary. The night he'd brought Oikawa home the brunette had a similar mischievous expression his face. Kuroo remembered it because it had bothered him though he'd never said anything. It was Oikawa, after all.

 

However, Kuroo was reminded of that night and how he'd thought he'd seen Hinata’s bedroom door close after he and Oikawa had sex on the couch. He had been too wasted to give it too much thought.

 

The ice in Kuroo's veins instantly thawed as it started speeding through his body. His heart rate increased to dramatic proportions and he felt he was going to pass out. He dropped his things and sat on the floor, putting his his head between his knees trying to prevent himself from vomiting all over Oikawa’s living room.

 

It took a moment for the whole conversation to process before he realized something. “You knew.” He whispered to Oikawa. 

 

Oikawa didn't say anything.

 

“YOU KNEW!” Kuroo yelled and looked up at his ex-friend. He was on the verge of tears. What had he- they- done!? Everything Kuroo worked for, his friendship with Kenma, it was imploding.

 

Oikawa shrugged. “I don't think that's your problem.” He simply stated.

 

Kuroo was too weak to stand and punch him at the moment, so he settled for clarification. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

 

Oikawa sighed and squatted down next to Kuroo. “I wasn't going to say anything but this has got to stop, Kuroo. You can't keep doing this to yourself and Hinata can't keep doing this to you.” 

 

Kuroo now looked at Oikawa as if he'd grown three heads. “I'm sorry, Oikawa, what is Hinata doing to me?”

 

Oikawa was watching him, carefully. “Do you think you're the only one pining?”

 

Kuroo shook his head. Oikawa was wrong. He had to be. 

 

“Remember the day I dragged Hinata into the locker? When he was pissed at you and you couldn't figure it out? Well, I did. It wasn't hard and I'm surprised I hadn't noticed sooner…”

 

Oikawa didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because Kuroo had already picked up his stuff and walked out the door. 

 

Oikawa was wrong. Hinata did  _ not  _ think of him this way. Kuroo did not spend the last four years wanting someone who'd wanted him back. He didn't just waste four years loving Hinata who'd, day after day, chosen Kenma over Kuroo.

 

Kuroo felt like his world was spinning out of control and at the worst possible time. They had a national tournament coming up and he could NOT afford to be distracted. Kuroo was at a loss, and he didn't know what to do.

 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out to see it was Bokuto.

 

“Hey, bro.” Kuroo answered without excitement.

 

_ “Bro! What’s wrong? You sound like someone just killed your cat.” _

 

Kuroo didn't answer for a minute, continuing to walk in a random direction. When he did answer he didn't try and mask his voice with fake enthusiasm, but he did use a tone that specifically said  _ I don't wanna talk about it. _

 

“Nothin’ man, I'm cool. What's up? Did you need something?”

 

Kuroo could tell Bokuto wanted to press the issue but one of favorite things about his bestie was that he was respectful of Kuroo’s space.  _ “Nah, bro. Kashi and I were just talking about how long it'd been since we all hung out and I was calling to see if you were busy tomorrow afternoon.” _

 

Kuroo couldn't help but smile, even if it was a little strained, his bro always made him feel better. “I have some time. What're you thinking about?

 

_ “How about an early dinner? There's a ramen shop near you we've been wanting to try and Kashi wanted to check out some bookstore or some shit not far off. Whaddya say?” _

 

Kuroo chuckled though it was hollow. “Sounds like a plan? What time?”

 

_ “3:30? At the bookstore? Then food.” _

 

“Gotcha. Shoot me the address and I'll meet you guys there.” Kuroo heard a beep for a notification and figured it was a message from Oikawa. He ignored it.

 

_ “Got it, man. Um...Kuroo?” _ Bokuto hesitated on the other end.

 

“Sup, bro?”

 

_ “If you need to talk or just, I don't know...vent, maybe, you know I'm here, right?” _

 

Kuroo smiled genuinely. He loved the big goofy owl. “Yeah, bro, I know. Thanks.”

 

_ “No prob. See you tomorrow.” _

 

“Yeah.”

 

Kuroo hung up, the notification for a new message bright red and unavoidable. Kuroo sighed and opened the messenger app.

 

**[9:46PM]**

 

_**From Princess Torū:** _ sry about earlier. Friends?

 

Kuroo thought about ignoring the message altogether. He was angry. However, he wasn't lacking insight so bad that he didn't recognize that his anger wasn't toward Oikawa, but rather the unfairness of life. Oikawa was just a convenient target. Kuroo sighed and sent a reply.

 

**[9:58PM]**

 

_**From Kuroo:**_ Friends. I know you're just looking out.

 

**[9:59PM]**

 

_**From Princess Torū:**_ thnk god! I was having a panic attack sitting here thinking you h8 me!

 

**[10:00PM]**

 

_**From Kuroo:**_ nah, just pissed at the world rght now.

 

**[10:04PM]**

 

_**From Princess Torū:**_ understandable. But look, Tetsu, I think you need to know this. Hinata’s feelings aren't what you think they are, so you gotta stop carrying this burden by yourself man. Own that shit. Otherwise, it's gonna eat you alive.

 

Kuroo read and re-read the message, sighing as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to to run a hand through his hair and down his face. How had it come to all this? He felt his phone vibrate and the familiar tone notifying him of a new message. He read it.

 

**[10:10PM]**

 

_**Princess Torū:** _ neway, I know you need to blow off some steam but when you're through you're welcome back here. I'll hide the key for you. You know where. 

 

Kuroo chuckled. Good friends are hard to find and Kuroo was a blessed man to have had so many.

 

**[10:12PM]**

 

_**Kuroo:**_ yeah yeah. Got it. See ya later.

 

Kuroo pocketed his phone and continued to amble, directionless and lost in thought. When he looked up he found himself outside the arcade he'd taken Oikawa to on there one and only date. Kuroo stepped up to the door and opened it, warm air pouring out and enveloping him in a comforting embrace. Luckily this place was opened late.

 

Kuroo nodded at Bob who acknowledged him before disappearing in the back. Kuroo, on the other hand, headed toward a back booth in the empty establishment and took a seat, peeling off his coat in the process.

 

Before he'd had much time to completely settle, Bob was there, handing him a beer. The American appeared to have a knack for reading the atmosphere because he said nothing, only looked at Kuroo with a concerned expression and one raised eyebrow. Kuroo waved him off and commenced to nurse his drink. He wasn't looking to get shit faced, no matter how sad he was. He'd only walked into the restaurant in order to think in the warmth of familiar surroundings. Bob, on the other hand, nodded at him briefly before wandering back to his counter and flipping through a magazine.

 

It was midnight before Kuroo returned to Oikawa’s, opening the door and shutting it as quietly as possible. The only light came from one lamp in the living room and Oikawa had set out blankets and a pillow for him. Kuroo smiled as he shucked off his coat and shoes before walking right past the couch and into Oikawa’s bedroom where he face-planted across the end of Oikawa’s bed.

 

“You gonna be alright?” Oikawa said, not moving from his position of comfort. Kuroo grunted his reply.

 

“Figure out what you're gonna do?” Oikawa asked.

 

“No. But I have lunch with Bo and Akaashi tomorrow.” Kuroo replied, scooting up next to the brunette who graciously handed him a pillow.

 

“How is that gonna help your situation?” 

 

Kuroo sighed and said, “It's not, it's just something positive that's happening to me in the middle of my shitty life.”

 

“Okay, then.”

 

And that was the end of that conversation. Kuroo was asleep moments later, sheer emotional exhaustion dragging him into the void of unconsciousness.

 

-*-

 

At quarter to three Kuroo walked out of Oikawa’s too bored and anxious to sit around and wait. He made his way through the aisles of the bookstore he'd made plans to meet his friends at. Kuroo used to read a lot but the desire had slowly petered out as his life became more dramatic and busy. He just hadn't had the concentration power needed to fully appreciate a good story.

 

Kuroo browsed the magazine section and stopped when the heading of an article caught his eye. He pulled it out and allowed his eyes to roam the cover. An attractive woman in skimpy clothes prostrated herself in what Kuroo assumed was supposed to be an alluring pose. Sprinkled along the edges of the cover were different articles that centered on healthy eating, fashion, and sex. Kuroo was no stranger to women’s magazines having friends with sisters and he'd snuck a glance or two at times out of pure curiosity as a younger student but he never did see the appeal. It was always the men’s fitness magazines he was attracted to the most- both for the articles and the boys. He'd spent many a night holed up in his room as a teen staring at pictures of fantastically built men while fantasizing about strong legs and muscled arms.

 

But that wasn't what caught his attention now. It was one article in this particular women’s magazine that had him sneaking glances around him to make sure he was alone before flipping to the designated page.

 

**_“How to Know if Your Friend’s Significant Other Likes You”_ **

 

The article was broken down into an introduction and five bullet points of supposed signs followed by a brief description of said points. 

 

**Point 1:** _They stare at you when they think you're not looking._

Okay, so that has happened on occasion though Kuroo couldn't honestly say how often since he spends most of his time avoiding Hinata. So that's a yes/no.

 

**Point 2:** _They secretly flirt with you._

 

_ Um... _ Kuroo had a difficult time with this point. Hinata had never outright flirted, as far as he knew. However, that doesn't mean there haven't been moments that confused him such as the time Hinata came to visit and kissed Kenma while looking directly at Kuroo. In fact, in all the moments, Kuroo could definitely say they were specific looks given him. Did that count? And how often did this have to occur?

 

So, that's another yes/no.

 

**Points 3, 4, & 5:** _They include you in plans, try to befriend you with ulterior motives, unnecessary body contact._

 

Kuroo could point to lots of specific incidents where he could say these things happened. However, most, if not all were sporadic. And how can he be sure that he wasn't just projecting his own feelings?

 

Fuck, this wasn't helping. Yet, Oikawa had insinuated that Kuroo was not the only one with feelings. But, did any of that matter? Hinata was with someone else in the end.

 

Kuroo sighed in frustration.  _ How much more consideration am I gonna give this shit?  _ Honestly, anything that happened from here on out was only gonna end with Kuroo losing so why did it even matter how Hinata felt?

 

“Interesting topic you chose, Kuro-san.”

 

“HOLY FUCKBALLS!” Kuroo screamed at the top of his voice as he jumped into the air, simultaneously dropping the magazine. “You're like a goddamn ninja, Akaashi! Didn't you mom ever teach you not to scare the life out of people!? It's rude!” Kuroo hissed and looked around having drawn attention of a few people browsing nearby. Kuroo noticed the younger male had arrived markedly alone. “Where's your better half?” Kuroo asked.

 

Akaashi had appeared dressed in jeans and a casual shirt. He bent over to pick up the magazine, straightening out and closing its pages, only to flip it to the front to read the headlines.

 

“I texted you already when I arrived, don't blame me for your lack of observation. Bokuto had to work late. He said he'd meet us at the ramen shop a little later.”

 

“Is that right?” Kuroo asked, finally noticing Akaashi handling the magazine he'd been reading and trying not to look guilty. 

 

If Akaashi was curious at all about why Kuroo was reading questionnaires about relationships he chose not to let it show. Instead he shrugged and turned to replace the magazine to its original place on the shelf of other useless information. 

 

Akaashi turned back to Kuroo and smiled before walking past him and deeper into the rows of books. Kuroo hurried to catch up with him.

 

“Are you looking for anything in particular?” He asked Akaashi as his short, dark hair swung with his head while he looked around.

 

Akaashi shrugged. “I thought I'd look for something to help a friend who seems to be having difficulties with relationships.”

 

Kuroo was only half listening and gave a half hearted  _ Huh _ in reply, his mind too far gone in his own issues to concentrate on his friend.

 

“Yeah, he's been in love with someone for a long time but that person belongs to someone else. It's a sad situation.”

 

_ That's odd _ , Kuroo thought to himself as he randomly pulled out a book and lazily flipped through its pages,  _ that sounds like my… _

 

Kuroo stiffened, peaking at his friend from the corner of his eye. Akaashi was watching him, his face etched in concern. Kuroo sighed, he should have known this would come up. He'd figured Akaashi had known since the last time they met.

 

“You don't say.” He spoke, his voice tight.

 

Kuroo felt a hand on his shoulder. “I'm not judging Kuroo. I just wanted...Bo and I just wanted you to know we're here if you need us.”

 

Kuroo felt his chest tighten and his vision swim as tears pooled in his eyes. He took a deep breath and forced his emotions down, he wasn't gonna cry in a public space and look like the biggest, gayest pansy all because of a boy. He had standards.

 

When Kuroo finally controlled himself enough, he looked at Akaashi and with as much of the old Kuroo he could muster he put on his smirkiest smirk and said, “There's so much love in this room right now.”

 

Akaashi blinked at him once before narrowing his eyes and snorting. Then Akaashi turned around and walked away. 

 

“Akaashiiii...I'm hungryyyy!” Kuroo called behind him.

 

Akaashi didn't bother to turn around but he replied, “Please don't imitate my boyfriend.”

 

Kuroo followed his friend, smiling as he went. “Ohhh...Akaashi, I wasn't even trying hard.” 

 

Akaashi stopped and glanced back over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed in a fond glare.

 

“What?” Kuroo said with his most innocent look. “I really am hungry.”

 

Akaashi rolled his eyes and continued to browse as Kuroo followed, chuckling behind him.

 

The rest of their time in the bookstore went quickly as they traded snarky remarks and giggles while checking out the many titles and subjects. Later they met Bokuto at the ramen shop. The atmosphere was pleasant and familiar, a good distraction for Kuroo. For a little while he was able to put his personal problems aside to genuinely enjoy the company of his close friends. 

 

Later he returned to Oikawa’s, bringing with him an order of ramen as an apology for the previous evening. Kuroo sat in the living room with Oikawa while the brunette slurped down his meal gratefully. The evening was routine for them, filled with teasing and playful banter, bad movies, complaints about homework, and opinions about their upcoming tournament. 

 

Over all, Kuroo couldn't complain. While his day had started off rough, consumed with dark thoughts and musings about Hinata and the mess Kuroo had created, the majority of his day and evening had been filled by the comfort and support his friends had provided. And while he couldn't forget about his troubles, he could pretend, for a while, that he was just another normal college kid with normal problems.

 

It was the last good night Kuroo was to enjoy for a long while.

 

-*-

 

The rest of the week went by in a blur. Kuroo managed to avoid his apartment except to sneak in when he was pretty sure his roommates would not be there and replenish his supplies. 

 

At practice, Kuroo avoided Hinata, too, which wouldn't be unusual except that where he used to at least treat him like a teammate, now Hinata might as well have not of existed. 

 

However, Hinata was just as bad. Kuroo noticed that the small middle blocker avoided him just as much. Whereas Hinata used to make a point to talk to Kuroo, even go as far as practice with him, he now kept to the opposite side of the gym. Kuroo was unsure if this fact made him happy or depressed. Luckily, even with the tension, their game was not affected so their teammates refrained from asking too many questions. Regardless, everyone was too focused on the tournament to be too worried about them and their domestic issues.

 

At any rate, the weekend of the tournament came swiftly upon Kuroo. It was exciting and the rush from the impending battle was overwhelming all his other feelings, a thing he was grateful for. It never mattered how many times one made it to Nationals, the anticipation was still the same.

 

Kuroo changed with his team and warmed up with them while they waited for their first match to start. It was an event that would last the weekend- twice a day; six games in total over a three day period, as long as they didn't lose a match. 

 

Kuroo played his heart out that weekend, pouring all of his emotions- both negative and positive- into supporting his teammates and defeating their opponents. They pay off was grand as they inched and clawed their way past the semi finals and faced off with their last enemy. The tension during that game was palpable, the air filled with expectation and determination that oozed from both sides of the net. Each team flung their whole being at each other, resolved to send the other home, conquered and broken.

 

Kuroo’s team, however, were victorious in the end. Snatching away the last point with a desperation only those who've ever played a sport would understand. The initial shock of actually pulling it off stalled them as silence overtook the stadium before pandemonium set in. Then there were tears of relief and joy that blended with heartbreak and failure.

 

Kuroo only stood amidst the madness, face upturned and fists raised, flying for the first time in what felt like years. When he finally came down, still high in success but feet firmly planted, he couldn't help but turn his head to glance at the sidelines and catching amber eyes, shining with tears of joy.

 

Hinata had played a good portion of the game, his decoy status still relevant, even without his genius setter. He'd developed well as a player during his high school years and it had paid off as he'd been allowed court time in his first official college tournament. However, he was still mostly a sub and spent the last third of the game on the sidelines. 

 

There he stood amongst their teammates, jostled this way and that in the excitement.Yet, his eyes never left Kuroo’s and his smile shined all the brighter. Perhaps it was the delighted atmosphere of the crowd, Kuroo couldn't say, but he didn't bother to fight his urge to share this moment with the ginger, despite the distance between them.

 

-*-

 

The locker room was a cacophony of activity. The thrill of winning being the source of happy jokes and laughter and horseplay as Kuroo and his teammates relaxed and showered and stripped, trading their sweaty team uniforms for more comfortable clothing and heading home. 

 

While everyone was still pumped up on adrenaline, most people were opting to forego any official celebration in favor of food and sleep. Not to mention, homework did not wait on anyone and classes were still scheduled for the following day (even if most will skip to recuperate).

 

Slowly Kuroo’s teammates trickled out of the locker room until only a few were left, including himself, Oikawa, and a certain redhead.

 

“Dude, you coming over again?” Oikawa asked, leaning over from the bench he sat on and tying a shoe. 

 

Kuroo was stretched out on the bench, an arm thrown over his eyes. He was too worn out to reply so he grunted and hoped Oikawa would catch his meaning. Kuroo had only gotten as far as showering, his waist still wrapped in a towel.

 

“Oi, dumbass, I don't speak caveman. Was that a yes?” Oikawa replied, kicking Kuroo in the thigh none too lightly.

 

“OW, ASSHOLE!” He hollered, sitting up and groaning as he did so. “That fucking hurt, shittykawa. My legs already feel like they've been through a blender, you don't need to add to the damage!”

 

Oikawa snickered and grinned at him. “I didn't know you were so fragile, Tetsuro~.” Oikawa sang.

 

Kuroo tried to smack him but failed, flopping forward onto one of Oikawa’s legs. “If I wasn't in so much pain I'd kick your ass, bitch.” Kuroo whined as Oikawa stood up.

 

“I'm going on ahead. If you plan to follow, text me. I'm planning to grab some food on the way and I'll pick you up something too.”

 

“You are a good person.” Kuroo replied, his voice muffled since he was now face down on the bench.

 

“I know.” Oikawa stated, flicking Kuroo on the back of the head as he grabbed his bag and headed toward the door.

 

“I take it back!” Kuroo yelled.

 

“Love you, honey!” Was Oikawa’s reply as he slipped out the door, closing it behind him with a loud click.

 

Kuroo remained where he was for a brief moment, relishing in the fact he didn't have to move. His whole body ached, both the tension from playing and his stress from the last few- well since forever- bleeding out of his body since the game ended. He sighed heavily as he worked up the motivation to lift himself and finish dressing so he could leave.

 

He had just managed to pull on a pair of sweats when Hinata came around the corner, freshly showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater, and leaned on a locker just feet away. Despite the fact he looked good, as always, Kuroo couldn't work up enough energy to feel the excitement that usually comes with interacting with him. Still, he kept his eyes forward on his own locker, fiddling with his things and trying to look busy.

 

“You did well out there, Kuroo.” Hinata’s voice was low and quiet, very unlike him and Kuroo peaked at him, barely turning his head. Hinata’s face was turned away but Kuroo could see the tips of his ears were slightly red. Kuroo took a deep, silent breath and tried to control his heart rate. Apparently, his body wasn't  _ that _ tired. It seemed, no matter the circumstances, Hinata was always going to have an affect on him. Kuroo sighed.

 

“You too, Chibi-chan.” He replied, this time looking directly at Hinata. Everything about the last week- no, about the last four years- returned like an invading army, hell bent on forcing him to finally acknowledge it. For the first time since that afternoon in the Nekoma gym when a third year middle blocker tried to woo a short first year, Kuroo stood his ground refusing to be cowed by his feelings any longer.

 

Hinata stood against the locker, one hand absentmindedly stroking his other arm and biting his bottom lip. His face was still partially turned away but his profile was meek and shy. Kuroo’s want for the short ginger had never waned in four years, and despite the drama that had occurred for so long, even then he still had the urge to gather him in his arms and kiss him silly.

 

But underneath that raging desire lay anger. Anger that now, as he allowed his eyes to take in Hinata’s posture and his expression and sensing the overall air around them, Kuroo finally understood. He'd spent four years trying so hard to protect himself, to protect his fragile little universe, that he'd eagerly drowned in denial- he'd blinded himself to the obvious in order to shoulder the guilt alone that belonged to all of them.

 

Well, no longer. Kuroo closed his locker with less force than he felt the situation deserved and turned bodily to confront the object of his affection for so many years.

 

Hinata inevitably faced Kuroo, fear and wariness settled in his eyes. Kuroo had schooled his features into his trademark roguish smirk, something he hadn't been able to do in front of Hinata in a long time. His eyes flashed with a dark mischief.

 

Hinata opened his mouth to say something but Kuroo was in no mood to hear it any longer. Before the words could leave Hinata’s mouth, Kuroo interrupted.

 

“You heard me that night, didn't you?”

 

He knew Hinata didn't have to ask for clarification when his face wet from pink to white in seconds, his body frozen in shock and eyes filled with humiliation and terror. Kuroo knew he had his answer but he waited for an answer, lazily crossing his arms over his chest and leaning on his locker like he had all the time in the world. 

 

Internally, however, Kuroo was a mess of emotions- fury, embarrassment, relief, exhilaration, to name a few. The suddenness of having things so out in the open was making his head spin but he refused to give in and stood there, waiting...waiting for Hinata to come clean too.

 

Hinata was looking everywhere but at Kuroo and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed as Kuroo watched him fight for something to say.

 

“Well?” Kuroo urged, straining to keep the majority of his irritation and anger out of his voice.

 

Hinata’s amber eyes snapped back to him. He took a breath as color came back to his cheeks, turning them red.

 

“Yes.” It no more than a whisper but Kuroo got it. Hinata cleared his throat and continued, “But it's not what you think.”

 

Kuroo narrowed his eyes, his fingers involuntarily gripping his biceps more tightly. “Not what I think? Right.” He stated. Kuroo shoved himself off his locker and bent down into Hinata’s personal space. Hinata’s breath hitched, his face getting redder, but he stood his ground, his hands balled to fists at his sides. 

 

Kuroo allowed his eyes to roam over Hinata’s face. This time, however, he didn't try and maintain any facade and he permitted himself to show a fraction of his desire for the small redhead. “Shōyō,” he began, pushing forward until their mouths were just millimeters apart and his hazel eyes darting glances at Hinata’s plump, pink lips, “do you like me?”

 

Hinata’s mouth fell open slightly, his pink tongue dipping out to lick his lips, his eyes focused on Kuroo mouth. Kuroo watched his eyes dilate to the smallest degree. “Yes.” Hinata breathed as leaned, ever so slightly, his face moving gently from side to side, their lips just brushing. 

 

Kuroo had wanted this for so long that he'd forgotten about what his life was like before Hinata had ever overwhelmed his existence. He'd held back and forced himself to stand by, trying to be the good guy- the good friend- and all this time this...this  _ child _ had  _ teased _ and sent  _ mixed  _ signals, torturing Kuroo day and night with his shadow.

 

Hinata was here now, so close and Kuroo could  _ take  _ him,  _ mark _ him,  _ make him his! _

 

“Fuck you, Hinata.”

 

White, hot fury filled Kuroo until his ears buzzed with it. His expression turned to stone and he stood up to his full height, glaring down at the ginger who looked back at him, desperate and filled with fear.

 

“Fuck you.” Kuroo stated and he turned to his locker, finished dressing as quickly as possible before grabbing his bag and walking out of the locker room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice cliff hanger, huh?
> 
> So, just a small tip... chapter 5 is The Chapter, the one I have been waiting to write since I began this thing. The complete confrontation between the trio.
> 
> OOOHHHH!
> 
> I will try and not take forever but I have a specific way I want to write this and I don't know if I possess adequate skills so I will be doing lots of research and editing. Please be patient my friends, I want to make it worth it. 
> 
> Thanks for hanging in there with me. 
> 
> Thoughts and comments always welcome. (My phone app is giving me problems so I can't answer comments as often as I like but I WILL reply.)
> 
> Thanks!


	5. Snowflakes & SIlence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo was beginning to understand that he and Hinata had shared more over the last four years than he'd ever suspected. They'd wanted the other- yearning in secret- and missed their chance all because of Hinata’s inexperience, Kuroo’s decision to sacrifice himself on the altar of selflessness, and poor Kenma had been caught in the in between, a victim of unresolved feelings between his best friend and boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NSFW*
> 
> Haloo!!! Hope you guys didn't think I forgot about this? Over 1000 hits!!! I could not be more happy and thankful people even looked at this mess. LOL
> 
> First things first, I hope you noticed the warning above. There's some sexy times in this chapter. It's not extremely explicit but that maybe a matter of opinion so I thought I'd give a heads up just in case.
> 
> This chapter was the reason I started this fic in the first place. I'm not completely satisfied with it, it could be so much better but that would require more practice and time for me. I hope you guys enjoy it and sorry it took two months to update. I was REALLY trying to do the scene justice. 
> 
> I won't keep you, so without further ado, Chapter 5.
> 
> BIMB :)

January could be particularly cold in Tokyo. The winter season bit like a cornered animal that knew death was lurking on the horizon. It curled around its victim and wrapped its chill fingers around the inhabitants of the city, determined to choke out the hope of Spring that awaited its passing.

 

That evening, steel grey clouds darkened the sky further, spitting fat snowflakes like little curses at people unfortunate to find themselves on the streets.

 

Kuroo’s shoes crunched in the accumulating snow as he trudged determinedly back to his apartment. He kept his head bowed against the wind that slapped at him occasionally, his hands shoved into his coat pockets and arms held tight to his sides in order to trap whatever heat he still maintained.

 

But it wasn't just the freezing weather that bullied him. His head was a mess of scattered thoughts and emotions, remnants of his confrontation with Hinata after the tournament earlier that day. He was numb, both physically and emotionally.

 

His mind kept returning to moments from his past; memories like vines on a loop, replaying over and over in his head.

 

He's a seventeen year old kid, captivated by red hair, endless energy, and a smile that had a glow and warmth all its own.

 

_“Have you been flirting with me?”_

 

_“Maybe I'll come find you later and you can find out for yourself.”_

 

He's eighteen and afraid of his own feelings even as he longs to indulge them.

 

_“Did you mean what you said…?”_

 

_“Does it matter…?”_

 

He's nineteen, it's the first time hearing the intimate words passed between his best friend and the boy he loves, and the sadness he feels crushes his heart beneath the weight of it.

 

_“Yeah, I love you too, Shō…”_

 

_“I love you too…”_

 

_“I love you…”_

 

_I love you, I love you, I love you…_

 

On and on reminders of his pain come and play, cruel jesters to mock him in his grief- in his loneliness.

 

_All the desperate moments in the solitary night as he stroked himself to the sound of sex a room over, calling on a single name..._

 

**_Shōyō_ **

 

_… that same name demanded by Oikawa, born of anguish and need…_

 

**_Shōyō_ **

 

_...the unseen eyes that bared witness to his want…_

 

**_Shōyō_ **

 

**_Shōyō_ **

 

**_Shō-_ **

 

The world twisted around Kuroo as a shoulder bumped into him, dislodging him from the black depths of his thoughts as he’s spun around. He blindly muttered, “Excuse me,” but he barely noticed the person he'd run into on the sidewalk because his eyes caught hold of burnt orange among the dreary grey. His breath hitched.

 

He wasn't ready to face Hinata again.

 

Kuroo looked around, sought any place where he might hide from the blazing fire that rapidly approached him. He could have literally stepped into any of the side shops, it was still early enough in the evening that most were open. In fact, he was standing right in front of a local mini-mart and all it would’ve taken was a few steps to the left and he could have slid right out of sight, Hinata’s height having him at a disadvantage in the crowds of people trudging through the winter weather.

 

Yet, for reasons unknown, Kuroo couldn't make himself _move_. He stood rooted to the sidewalk like a giant tree, passersby parting around him like air currents around an immovable object.

 

Then he heard the sound of Hinata’s voice carried on the wind that rose and fell around them.

 

“KUROO!”

 

“KUROO!”

 

“WAIT, KUROO!”

 

Kuroo could see Hinata pushing through the crowd, straining to reach him as he was buffeted against the crowd like a tiny, desperate pinball.

 

Kuroo stood there, hands still tucked away in his pockets, face a blank canvas, as Hinata finally caught up to him. Hinata came to a stop a few feet away, bent in half with hands on his knees, panting from his efforts to catch up with Kuroo’s longer legs.

 

“What do want, Hinata?” Kuroo asked, his voice as flat as his current emotional state.

 

Hinata sprung upright, face twisted in guilt and pleading, “I want to talk. That’s all.”

 

Kuroo clicked his tongue and glared at Hinata, “There’s nothing else to say.” He turned on his heel ready to continue his trek back home. Not that home would be home for long. This was a long time coming.

 

“Wait! Shit, Kuroo, wait!” Hinata hissed and reached out to grab Kuroo’s arm.

 

Kuroo promptly jerked his arm out of Hinata’s grasp and rounded on him in a flash of anger, “Don’t touch me!”

 

Hinata flinched back as if slapped and Kuroo recognized hurt in his bright eyes. He momentarily suffered a case of shame for yelling at Hinata but it passed quickly, he was still too raw, his nerve fibers bared to the world and he kinda felt like the weather, a cornered animal fighting for its life.

 

“Sorry,” he apologized more out of habit, “I just- I just can't right now.” He attempted, again, to continue on his way but Hinata attached himself to his side, following along and choosing to ignore the uncomfortable divide that separated them.

 

Kuroo felt a lump growing in his throat, his chest tightened to the point he was sucking in air through his teeth while he tried to fight an onslaught of vertigo. The world bucked, like a live beast trying to throw him off its back and he felt so disassociated from his whole life, yet at the same time bared naked before the whole world.

 

Hinata kept looking at him, side-eying him though he kept his head low. Kuroo walked as quickly as the snow slick sidewalks would allow, not exactly trying to out pace Hinata, but also not caring if he left the redhead behind.

 

“Where are you going?” Hinata asked quietly, his voice trembling and Kuroo was unsure if he was crying or afraid. He wasn't sure he cared either way.

 

Kuroo turned his head to glare at Hinata, not slowing down as he snapped at him, “Why are you following me?!” Kuroo twisted his long form as he passed a stranger, not wanting to bump into anyone else but not wanting to move closer to Hinata. The crowds were thinning as the evening grew later, the congestion of the afternoon slowing to a trickle as full night crawled across the sky.

 

Hinata went silent for a few moments, biting his lip anxiously. “I told you I wanted to talk to you,” he whispered finally.

 

Kuroo slowed to a stop and sighed. He was still exhausted from the tournament and the added emotional strain was sapping what little energy he had left. His initial anger was draining from him, he was too tired to continue to fuel it, and it was settling into a dull throb of resignation.

 

“Hinata,” Kuroo started, looking at him fully and pointedly for the first time since he'd run out of the locker room what felt like eons ago, “I really don't know what you're expecting to…” He couldn't finish the sentence, not sure what he had wanted to say anyway. He was so tired.

 

“I'm not expecting anything, Kuroo,” Hinata replied in a quiet voice, avoiding Kuroo’s eyes. He was obviously anxious and kept playing with the hem of his jacket as they stood in the middle of the sidewalk. People circled around them, out of politeness and, no doubt, because of the palpable tension between them.

 

Kuroo stared at Hinata in silence for a while, the cold air snatching the last of the warmth from them and made them visibly tremble beneath the layers of clothing.

 

Hinata seemed so small to Kuroo. The ginger had always been small, but now he just seemed...smaller, like he was still just a kid. A kid who was feeling just as lost and frustrated with their situation as Kuroo was. Hinata stood beside him, dressed in a puffy, teal down jacket, snug fitting, dark wash jeans, and white high tops. He had stuffed his small hands deep in his jacket pockets, most likely red from the chill, just like his face was pink along his cheeks and nose. Snot dripped from the little upturned nose and he sniffed, trying to keep it from draining without the use of tissues. His amber eyes kept darting from the scenery around them to Kuroo and back.

 

They were both so fucked.

 

Kuroo sighed, he could continue to avoid the “talk” that should have happened years ago or he could play along and let Hinata discharge his guilty feelings. Unfortunately, the latter would be at his expense, Kuroo being the focal point, but at least it would be over. Nothing was going to change, he knew that, but how much more damage could be inflicted that hasn't already?

 

Also, it was cold and they'd only freeze standing out here arguing. Hinata could talk while Kuroo packed up his shit.

 

Kuroo sniffed, being in the same predicament as Hinata in the cold air, and cleared his throat, “Fine. But could it wait until we're back home? It's freezing and I really don't want to go anywhere else.”

 

Hinata’s eyes snapped back at him, the hope he felt at Kuroo’s acquiescence to his request shining in his eyes. He smiled, a little, just a slight upturn of his mouth and so bizarrely different from the beaming grin usually brightening his face. He nodded his head rapidly, not saying anything else.

 

Kuroo wanted to cry, he loved this boy so much and life was so cruel. Instead of submitting to his feelings, Kuroo turned and walked off, leaving Hinata to catch up. They rounded a corner to at last see the station ahead.

 

They swiped their train cards and waited among the crowd, bouncing on their feet to stay warm and anticipating the coming heat of the train car. They didn't have to wait very long, but it felt like hours as they stood in the cold, curled in on themselves as they tried to trap their remaining body heat. The crowd helped somewhat but they heaved an audible sigh when the train pulled into the station and they climbed aboard. Hinata took a seat, pulled his legs up onto the bench and wrapped his arms around his legs, desperate to get warm. Kuroo remained standing a few feet away, leaning against the window near the door opposite Hinata and stared out the window.

 

The train jerked forward and steadily gained speed. Out of the light of the station, the windows became mirrors lit from phosphorescent bulbs within the train. Kuroo tried to ignore Hinata’s reflection, he could see his amber gaze locked onto his back. Hinata’s expression was despondent and longing, reflecting the emotions swirling around inside Kuroo and he new he was making the same face. He wanted to jerk his eyes away, to contemplate the city as it swept by, but Hinata's eyes flicked to his and Kuroo found he lacked the will to look anywhere else. Hinata’s expression quickly changed into something unreadable, maybe more contemplative. Either way, neither broke eye contact until the automated voice sounded over the speakers announcing their stop.

 

Hinata was the first to look away and Kuroo felt an emptiness he'd almost forgot was there, the void that followed him whenever Hinata’s attention was anywhere else but on him. He loathed that he still felt like that, given all that had happened. He wanted to hate Hinata. He wanted to look at him and not be moved by his sad eyes and sweet pout. He wanted to _want_ to punch him in his face but he couldn't seem to pull up those kinds of angry feelings when they just didn't exist.

 

Despite all that Hinata had put him through, Kuroo still loved him. He still wanted him.

 

And that's why he needed to leave.

 

Kuroo stepped out of the train the moment the doors opened and he felt Hinata’s presence behind him. Once again they were assaulted by the bitter, cold winds of January and they immediately curled in on themselves, stuffing their hands in their pockets. They didn't talk, Hinata was respectful of Kuroo’s request to wait until they were home. However, a heavy anticipation lingered between them as the steps they took brought them closer to their once shared apartment.

 

They arrived at their building and the two men climbed the stairs like men taking their last walk to their execution. At the door, Kuroo sighed and dug around in the pocket of his sports bag to find his key, the atmosphere so thick with tension he caught himself taking rapid shallow breaths.

 

Kuroo was scared. He really didn't know why except that this felt like the end of something- like crossing the threshold of his apartment with Hinata was the catalyst that would finally cut the strings that held them all together. Kuroo didn't know what to expect, but he couldn't honestly say he was happy it was all ending. He'd been swept up in the drama and pain for so long he'd forgotten what it was like to live without it.

 

He finally got the door unlocked and took a breath before opening it and stepping into the warmth of what was once his home. He slid into the darkened apartment and made room for Hinata to follow, toeing off his shoes. His mouth automatically opened to repeat the common phrase, _“Pardon my intrusion,”_ but remembered he was in his own apartment. How pathetic was it to feel like a stranger in your own home?

 

He dropped his bag on the floor and removed his coat and hung it on one of the hooks on the wall noticing other various items still clinging to them and belonging to one of the three inhabitants of the apartment- an argyle scarf of Kuroo’s that had been a gift one year from Akaashi, a windbreaker belonging to Hinata, a zipper hoodie of Kenma’s. All of them remnants and memories of their shared life, or what little there was of it. The thought was depressing so he dragged his eyes away from them so he wouldn't have to think about it.

 

Kuroo walked into the open living room, turning on a lamp and trying to put space between him and Hinata. He stood there for a minute, not quite sure what to do. He knew Hinata wanted to talk but Kuroo also needed to gather a few things. Most of his essentials were still at Oikawa’s but he wanted to take enough that he wouldn't have to return for a while. He'd come back to grab the rest when he could think clearer and had a better idea what he was going to do about a place to live.

 

He glanced at Hinata who had removed his own jacket but hadn't moved from the door and was gripping his arms, trying to make himself as small as possible. He was staring at the ground and sniffling, whether from the cold or his feelings, Kuroo wasn't sure.

 

Kuroo considered asking him to sit on the couch so they could get the talk done and over with but that option made him panicky and made his hands twitch with the need to do something-anything- that he could use as a distraction. Instead, he decided to go with his original plan; he would pack and Hinata could talk.

 

He turned, headed toward his room, and with hesitation tried to get the conversation moving along. He honestly didn't know why he was trying so hard, it’d been Hinata who wanted to talk, after all. He guessed it came down to the bandaid maneuver- the best way to get through an unpleasant situation was to get it over as soon as possible, like ripping off a bandaid.

 

“So...where’s Kenma?” Kuroo asked tentatively, not sure of the state of their relationship. He glanced at Hinata as he opened his bedroom door. The ginger was still by the front door but was watching him now.

 

Hinata shrugged, a look of relief passing over his face, “Where else?” He rubbed his arms and finally moved further into their- Hinata’s- apartment and followed Kuroo to his door, coming to stop in the threshold and leaning on the frame. “He had some conference to attend in...Hokkaido, I think? Why?”

 

Kuroo had gone to his closet to seek out an empty bag so he could shove some clothes in it. He turned and looked at Hinata, “I'm just surprised he wasn't here to see you play.” The fact that their relationship had crumbled to the point that Kenma was gone more often than not was left unstated.

 

Kuroo returned to his search but paused and turned again, there was something he'd wanted to bring up but had been too scared to mention before now, “Can I ask you a question?”

 

Hinata didn't say anything, only continued to look at him, his eyebrows raised and expression waiting.

 

Kuroo too a deep breath, his hands were trembling and he hadn't realized just how afraid of the answer he'd been. “Does Kenma hate me? You know, since th-the club?” He'd asked the question, his voice getting lower and quieter until Hinata had to strain to hear him, his head leaning in a bit further. Kuroo looked away from him, his face heating up at the memory of the two of them pressed together, grinding on each other and almost kissing. With the exception of winning Nationals, it had been the best moment of Kuroo’s life to date but had ended in the worst. Kenma had seen them and Kuroo had later learned Kenma and Hinata had fought about it.

 

Hinata appeared to have heard and remembered, surprisingly, he'd been extremely drunk at the time. Hinata’s face went beet red at the memory, too, and he looked away as he answered, “I don't know. We fought about it but he never said if he was angry with you or not. He doesn't talk to me much anymore.”

 

“Oh,” was all Kuroo could think to answer. He chewed his bottom lip as he thought about Hinata’s reply, his head bowed.

 

“I don't want to talk about Kenma.”

 

Kuroo’s head snapped back to Hinata who was looking back at him, face still a little pink, eyes determined, and mouth dipped into a frown.

 

Kuroo flinched slightly at Hinata’s bluntness, “Okay, what do you want to talk about, then?”

 

“I want to talk about us,” Hinata blinked at him and shifted against the doorframe he was still leaning against.

 

Kuroo was unsure how to respond to that. He sort of felt like those times after an extremely severe practice where his heart beat so fast he was sure he'd die from a heart attack and he wanted to puke. His ears were ringing with that _whon whon sound._ Oh god, was he having a panic attack? He took a deep breath and let it out slow and his body responded by calming down to something reasonable.

 

Kuroo wasn't sure he wanted to have that conversation with Hinata- he _didn't_ want to have that conversation- but it was unavoidable at this point. Kuroo took another deep breath, resigned to the unfortunate circumstance of his life thrust upon him by a cruel universe.

 

That didn't mean he had to give in without a fight, however. Kuroo turned back to his closet and jerked out the black duffel he'd been looking for. Without looking at Hinata, he replied, “There is no us.”

 

“Did you mean what you said?” Hinata asked behind him.

 

“What are you talking about?” Kuroo snapped, irritated that Hinata refused to acknowledge him and a little frustrated by the vagueness of Hinata’s question. He grabbed a few pairs of jeans and an armload of shirts from the racks in the closet and moved to the bed, setting them and the bag down on the bed.

 

Kuroo heard Hinata shift again and sigh. He glanced at Hinata, he wasn't leaning on the door frame any longer but had come a few feet into his room, backlit by the low light of the living room, and fidgeting nervously.

 

“You were flirting with me during training my first year of high school. Then when I asked you if that's what you were doing you said ‘What if I am?’ Then you said you'd come and find me. Did you mean it or were you just playing with me?”

 

Kuroo was shocked, his mouth dropping open slightly as he stared at Hinata. He was momentarily overcome by _deja vu_ with Hinata standing by, his fingers busy with nervous anticipation, and wanting the truth from Kuroo. _He still remembered that?_ Kuroo thought and closed his mouth, then opened it again for reasons he was unsure about. What was he supposed to say?

 

Kuroo closed his mouth again and looked away. He was pretty certain that his feelings had been made clear, especially in the last month, but he supposed he'd not _actually_ confessed anything. He'd forced a confession out of Hinata but had yet to own up to his feelings aloud.

 

Kuroo cleared his throat and without looking at Hinata he said, “Yes I did.” What else was there to say? They were already here and the time for hiding behind denial was at its end.

 

Kuroo heard the smallest whimper burst out of Hinata, his head and eyes jumping up at the sound to see the small ginger nodding to himself and biting his lip as tears filled his eyes.

 

“Then why didn't you come to me?” He asked, his voice low and trembling.

 

Kuroo’s heart seized and his chest tightened. He'd always swore he'd never make Hinata cry and look at what he'd done. It wasn't Kenma this time with Kuroo wishing he could reach out to comfort him. No, this time it was Kuroo and his selfishness.

 

But Kuroo remembered that if Hinata had any feelings for him at that time, he never mentioned it either.

 

“Why did you date Kenma if my interest in you was so appealing?” Kuroo felt a little of his own hurt return, along with frustration and jealousy.

 

Hinata wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, glaring at Kuro with a blend incredulity and anger, “Are you stubborn on purpose or honestly just that oblivious?” He asked in a brittle voice. Kuroo could see how tense Hinata seemed, standing in his room, clenching and unclenching his fists in frustration. However, Kuroo took umbrage with Hinata’s accusations.

 

He tossed clothes he held on his bed and crossed his arms, indignant, as he rounded on Hinata. Hazel eyes eyes blazed with frustration and hurt, Kuroo narrowed them to slits while smirking unkindly.

 

“Pot meet kettle, Hinata. Did you _really_ believe I was only teasing then?”

 

Hinata nearly burst into flames and his face contorted with rage. Kuroo took a half step back, he was suddenly worried Hinata would launch himself across the room and punch him. His face was beet red and Kuroo couldn't recall that he'd ever seen the small ginger actually pissed off. The aura of anger and hurt radiating off of Hinata was mind blowing considering who he was.

 

“I WAS FIFTEEN, ASSHOLE!” Hinata exclaimed, the words bouncing off the walls of the dark room. Kuroo was sure the neighbors would be banging on their door with complaints.

 

But Kuroo was too confused to consider anything else at the moment. What was Hinata getting at?

 

“I'm not sure I understand your argument, Chibichan,” Kuroo stated, his frustration morphing into perplexity, eyebrows knitting together and his mouth turning down.

 

Kuroo watched Hinata take a deep, calming breath, his hands pulling at his face as he tried to ground himself.

 

“I was fifteen, a virgin, and obsessed with volleyball,” he started, his voice slightly muffled behind his hands before he lowered them to pin down Kuroo with his intense amber gaze. “Then I met you and you were all good looking and like _GWAH_ and I was like _WOAH_ !” Hinata punctuated his explanation with wild hand gestures and extremely animated facial expressions. “You did things to me- made me feel all _WOOSH_ \- I didn't understand…” he trailed off, seemingly running low on things to say.

 

Despite the tension between them Kuroo felt like chuckling watching him fumble with his words. He also couldn't help the way his chest swelled hearing Hinata call him attractive for the first time. Kuroo lowered his head and dug a toe in the carpet, unable to keep a small smile from his lips. Their whole...friendship...was most likely crumbling apart, and he was still acting like a besotted schoolgirl. God he was so lame.

 

“I didn't know what to think when you hit on me, no one had really done that before,” Hinata continued, “At least not that I had noticed, but then again you made sure to be _obvious_ , I realize that now. But I didn't understand then and you were my _elder_ . I was flattered and scared but excited! And you _lead me on_!”

 

Kuroo’s head snapped up and he flinched with those words spat at him. Until now he never actually realized the damage he'd inflicted all those years ago.

 

“I didn't get it then but Kenma explained-” Hinata paused then shook his head as if deciding against something, “Nevermind, it's not important.” He took another deep breath, apparently finished with his lecture.

 

Kuroo was speechless. He'd honestly dismissed any thought of the consequences of his decision back then. How he'd found Hinata and Kenma together and decided to step down from pursuing Hinata. How Hinata had looked at him the next morning because the younger male had expected Kuroo would make good on his promise, then stood him up, had not come as a surprise to him. Kuroo _had_ led Hinata on but it was by accident because Kuroo had _only_ been thinking about Kenma at the time. Hinata’s feelings had been secondary and only come to matter after Kuroo realized the depth of his own feelings. By then he was too caught up in his own self-pity to feel any remorse.

 

Wait. What did Kenma explain?

 

Kuroo was about to ask but Hinata interrupted his train of thought.

 

“I accepted Kenma’s confession because I was convinced I was just some dumb kid you were toying with. When I look back I see I was heartbroken and maybe that only influenced my decision to date Kenma. But I _thought_ he was what I wanted. _Who_ I wanted. And when you left for university, it got easier. At least, that's what I tried to convince myself. That it was easier.”

 

Hinata took a trembling breath, eyes on the carpet as if he could be one with the fibers. Kuroo could do nothing but stare. How long had Hinata been holding back? How long had he been needing to say all of that, to unburden himself of all the pent up hurt, his outrage over Kuroo’s flirtatious behavior and subsequent rejection, and of second guessing himself? Kuroo was beginning to understand that he and Hinata had shared more over the last four years than he'd ever suspected. They'd wanted the other- yearning in secret- and missed their chance all because of Hinata’s inexperience, Kuroo’s decision to sacrifice himself on the altar of selflessness, and poor Kenma had been caught in the in between, a victim of unresolved feelings between his best friend and boyfriend.

 

Geez, what a cluster fuck.

 

Kuroo sat heavily on his bed, his head a jumble of disconnected thoughts and emotions.

 

“Well?”

 

Kuroo’s attention snapped to Hinata, the younger male’s quiet voice reeling his mind back to the present shore. “Well what?” He asked, not really knowing how to respond.

 

“Don’t you have anything to say, Kuroo?”

 

Oh, god, did he ever! He had so many things to say but did not know where to begin.

 

“About what?” Came out instead.

 

Hinata sighed, his breath flooded with weariness and exasperation.

 

Honestly, Kuroo didn't know how to verbalized all the things in his head. He had a thousand words to speak and not one of them was volunteering to step forward.

 

“I don't-”

 

“Seriously, Kuroo-”

 

They both started at the same time, their mouths closing seconds later.

 

“You go first,” Kuroo said, he felt so...empty, lacking of anything substantial. This whole day felt surreal- winning Nationals and now this. Was he having some horribly realistic dream?

 

“No, you go. I've said all I wanted to say,” Hinata spoke quietly, his tone flat and expression unreadable.

 

Kuroo sighed and nodded. He watched Hinata for a few moments trying to organize his thoughts.

 

“I hate this,” he finally managed to spit out. “I don't know what to do or what you want me say, Hinata.”

 

Hinata nodded at him, his eyes, full of sadness, shimmered wetly. He blinked, a tear dropping to a pink cheek, and leaving a wet trail to his chin. He scrubbed it away with angry movements but more just followed. Before long his face was buried in his hands as he sobbed quietly.

 

Kuroo could do nothing as Hinata stood before him, crying and alone. He felt so useless now, the years of longing and avoidance taking its toll on his broken heart. He rose from the bed and slowly started stuffing clothes into his duffel again, his movements mechanical.

 

He heard Hinata sniff behind him and clear his throat.

 

“Do you feel anything for me? At all?” He pleaded in a cracked voice, thick from weeping and as tortured as Kuroo felt.

 

Kuroo stiffened, the words as sharp and painful as knives and he didn't think his heart could take anymore suffering. The feeling in his gut was like the sea during a storm, rolling and crashing around inside him and his hands were shaking as he resumed packing his things.

 

“Hinata…” Kuroo hated the strained whine hanging on his reply. This was too much, it was too goddamn much!

 

“Please don't go.”

 

“Hinata…”

 

“That's why you're packing right? You're leaving, for good. Please don't go.”

 

Kuroo gripped the shirt in his hands, knuckles white with the pressure, and closed his eyes, willing himself  not to cry. And not to turn around. He didn't think he had it in him to deny Hinata if he looked at him.

 

He needn't turn to look anyway because moments later he felt Hinata’s small arms slip around his waist, the weight of his head resting between Kuroo’s shoulder blades. Kuroo choked back a groan, his head tilting as he stared at the ceiling of his bedroom, tears blurring the ugly cracks in the plaster.

 

“Hinata, please let go,” any force behind his request was lost to the sweet sensation of having Hinata’s arms wrapped around him, fists gripping the fabric of his shirt. He felt Hinata’s head twisting back and forth in answer, muffled pants of warm air heating the skin beneath his shirt.

 

“Please,” came the whisper.

 

Kuroo was doing everything he could to keep himself from breaking, from shattering into a million tiny pieces with the weight of Hinata’s pleas. He grasped Hinata’s thin wrists to pry them from his chest, Hinata resisting him the whole way. He managed to loosen Hinata’s grip enough to turn round. Hinata only buried his face in Kuroo’s chest and held him fast. With the heat gone from his back, he could feel the air cooling the tears Hinata had cried against his back. Facing him, Kuroo could see Hinata’s shoulder shake as he wept, his hands hovering in the space around the smaller male. He wanted to gather him in his arms but knew if he did he'd lose himself completely and Hinata was not his to lose himself in.

 

“Hinata,” Kuroo spoke quietly, partially afraid of the intimate moment, of the way he was feeling. Would it be so bad to hold him? To run his hand through the red silk atop Hinata’s head and whisper comfort into his ear?

 

Kuroo sighed as Hinata gripped the back of his shirt tighter.

 

“Hinata, I need you to look at me.”

 

“Please, Kuroo, you can't leave. We’re here now. You can't leave me.”

 

Kuroo blinked down at him, confusion settling over his face but his heart hammering behind his rib cage. “What-” he got out before Hinata suddenly pulled back and looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes.

 

Kuroo’s heart stopped dead in his chest and he caught fire from the burning gaze that landed on him. It spread from the deepest part of him, blazing a trail of fire from his core to the tips of his fingers and toes. Hinata placed the flat of his hands on Kuroo’s chest and _shoved._ Kuroo lost his footing and fell backward on the bed amidst the jeans and shirts he'd planned to pack. He scrambled up to an awkward sitting position as Hinata moved to follow him. Kuroo managed to scoot back until his head came in contact with the wall his bed sat against and stared at Hinata in disbelief.

 

“Hinata, w-what are you doing?” Kuroo gasped, one hand on Hinata’s chest to keep him from doing what Kuroo thought he was trying to do.

 

“I won't let you leave, Testurō. I can't. Not like this.”

 

Kuroo gasped at the sound of his given name falling from those reddened lips, suppressing the urge to sob. He'd wanted it for so long.

 

“Hinata,” Kuroo whispered, trembling with fear and repressed want.

 

One of Hinata’s hands rose to grasp the palm on his chest and Kuroo inhaled sharply when Hinata buried his face in the palm, placing a light kiss at the center. Hinata’s eyes watched him with a hunger Kuroo had never seen before, let alone been the reason behind. Kuroo’s self-control was barely hanging on by a thread- thin and stretched so tight.

 

“If you're going to leave me,” Hinata said, his voice low, his desire blatant, “then I want you. Once.” Hinata threaded their fingers as he crawled onto the bed, his movements slow as if Kuroo was a dear and Hinata might frighten him into fleeing.

 

“Hinat-,” Kuroo started to protest, his last ditch effort to do the right thing.

 

“I don't care!” Hinata yelled and Kuroo flinched. “I don't care about the consequences anymore,” his voice was lower quieter.

 

Kuroo fought with himself, with his mounting desire. His brain was screaming at him to move. That this was a very bad idea, that he should push the smaller man off of him and flee the premises as if his life depended on it. That nothing good would come of giving in to Hinata, giving in to his own desires.

 

But the way Hinata was looking at him kept him frozen in his spot. The redhead slotted himself between Kuroo’s thighs, sitting on his heels. Kuroo could not look away, watching as Hinata’s chest heaved with each breath he took, his face twisted in longing and need.

 

“Testurō, please…”

 

“Oh fuck, Shōyō!” Kuroo cried out, the last of his control snapping and he surged upward, fisting Hinata’s shirtfront with one hand and sinking the other into the short hair at the back of Hinata’s head.

 

Their lips came together harshly with crashing teeth and tongues. There was nothing sweet or pretty about it. Four plus years of pining away culminating in that moment, a thirst only quenched as they drank deep of each other, breathes coming hot and heavy. It was the best kiss Kuroo had ever experienced. The hand gripping Hinata’s shirt moved around his waist, pulling him flush against Kuroo’s chest, forcing Kuroo to tilt his head to accommodate Hinata as he hovered over him. Kuroo would have tightened his hold in Hinata’s hair with his other hand if Hinata had anymore. He made do by pushing at Hinata’s head to drive him further, kiss him deeper. Hinata’s hands were tangled in the mess of black hair on Kuroo head, the small fingers clinging to the strands as if Kuroo would pull away at any given moment.

 

They parted briefly, long enough for Hinata to whisper, “Let me have you, Testurō. Let me have you,” in the narrow space between their mouths, Hinata’s warm breath sending chills along Kuroo’s spine. Kuroo was panting like he'd run a mile and he nodded, just a quick dip of his head. His eyes were closed and he opened them only to see Hinata smiling down at him.

 

Kuroo felt his heart palpitate and his chest swell. He felt like he was dreaming, but it was _happening_. The feel of Hinata’s lip on his, the taste of him, was better than any fantasy he'd conjured in all the years he'd thought about kissing Hinata. While it began rough and insistent, they slowed down, tongues sliding against the other in passionate exploration; every drag, swipe, suck, and nibble a memory Hinata imprinted on Kuroo’s brain.

 

Kuroo kicked and shoved at the clothes and duffel bag taking up too much of their space as he twisted himself and Hinata lengthwise over the bed. Kuroo managed to keep from disconnecting them, the back of his head falling on his pillow beneath him and Hinata lying on top of him, his weight sturdy and warm and not uncomfortable.

 

Kuroo gasped and arched his back as Hinata’s hands dipped beneath the hem of his shirt, blunt nails scraping along his abdomen and chest, electricity sparking in the wake of his touch. Kuroo’s arms automatically rose above his head to allow Hinata to remove his shirt, lifting his torso just enough for it to slide off. Kuroo pulled away from the kiss, already craving the feel of Hinata’s sweet mouth moving against his, and his face just cleared the collar when they come together again, a sigh of contentment pouring from them both.

 

Kuroo ducked his own hands under Hinata’s shirt, fingers tracing the curve of his spine, memorizing the bumps and dips of his vertebrae. They parted again as Kuroo yanked off Hinata’s yellow sweater. Now they were chest to chest, Hinata’s bare flesh like liquid heat that covered Kuroo from neck to waist. It burned him, searing his skin and sinking further in until Kuroo felt he'd internally combust. He never thought he'd know what it was to feel Hinata’s pale, silky skin on his. Not in this lifetime or the next. It was more than he'd ever wanted.

 

No, that wasn't exactly true. Because Kuroo was greedy. He wanted more. He wanted everything.

 

And he was going to take it.

 

Kuroo reluctantly left Hinata’s mouth and kissed down his jaw. He didn't know how often the smaller male shaved but he could feel the scratch of stubble on his teeth and tongue as he bit and sucked, open mouthed, changing direction once he came the that spot just below Hinata’s ear. He moaned as he tasted the smooth skin of Hinata’s neck, his tongue darting out to leave a trail of wet kisses behind. Hinata answered him in kind, moaning loudly in his ear and involuntarily rolling his hips into Kuroo’s.

 

“ _NGH-god!”_ Kuroo groaned, throwing his head back into his pillow. His hands flew to Hinata waist, fingers digging into the empty belt loops and waistband of Hinata jeans, pulling at his hips while rolling his own, chasing the pleasure that spiked when Hinata had done it. Nothing had ever felt as sweet as the sensation of Hinata’s hardness pressing against his and knowing he was the one to make him that way.

 

Kuroo felt Hinata shift and begin to bathe his skin in warm, wet kisses along his neck and chest. On his collarbone just beneath his chin, Hinata camped out, sucking hard and biting. Kuroo knew a purple hickey would bloom, that tomorrow he'd look in the mirror and see the evidence that Hinata had been there- claimed him- and the thought made Kuroo ache with need. They continued to rut and grind against each other, desperate for friction but Kuroo wanted more.

 

“Shōyō,” Kuroo breathed his name, a whisper on his lips, barely able to focus on anything other than the small redhead who moved above him.

 

Hinata raised his head from where he continued to lick and suck at Kuroo’s naked skin. Kuroo whined when his eyes fell on Hinata’s appearance; his ginger hair stuck out in a thousand directions, face flushed red from arousal, lips swollen and bright red from kissing, and his amber eyes blown black as night. He briefly wondered if he looked as wrecked as Hinata did at that moment.

 

Kuroo ran one hand through Hinata’s mess of red hair and pulled him in for another kiss, taking his lips hungrily. Hinata pulled back the next time, and he leaned all the way back until he rested on the heels of his feet. The cool air of the apartment took Hinata’s place causing goosebumps to break out along Kuroo's unprotected chest, stomach, and arms. They spread further when Hinata’s fingers began to unbutton his jeans. Kuroo watched from where he lay, arms at his sides and knees bent. Hinata leaned over him as he pushed both his jeans and underwear past his hips and Kuroo’s eyes rolled down, drinking in Hinata’s toned body- his shoulders and chest, his defined abs, the ‘v’ usually hidden away. Kuroo sucked in a gasp, his eyes frozen on Hinata’s hard member as it sprung free of his pants, bouncing in the cool air and already leaking. Hinata wasn't the biggest he'd ever seen but it was Hinata and he was perfection.

 

Hinata slipped out of his clothes, tipping them off the bed and gazed shyly back up at Kuroo, his cheeks more red from embarrassment now.

 

“You're beautiful,” Kuroo murmured, meeting Hinata’s gaze and holding it. He was dead serious, no one had ever looked more stunning to Kuroo. Not now or ever.

 

Hinata smiled at him and chuckled. He reached for Kuroo’s pants this time, fingers dipping beneath Kuroo’s waistband and pulling slowly. It was like he was unwrapping the most precious gift, Kuroo’s sweats and boxers descending inch by inch as Hinata’s heated gazed raked over his bare flesh. Kuroo’s own member leapt free, larger than Hinata’s and leaking just as much. There was naked adoration in Hinata’s eyes as he licked his lips. One hand darted out, fingers wrapping themselves around Kuroo’s length causing him to grip the sheets at his sides and press his head into his pillow, hips jutting up into Hinata warm palm. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and closed. Kuroo’s brain was nothing but white noise, the feeling of Hinata gripping him wiping out all thoughts.

 

 _“Ah-ahhh,”_ he moaned, Hinata beginning a slow rhythm, threatening to make Kuroo lose his mind.

 

“God, Kuroo,” Hinata spoke in a low whisper, “you're more beautiful than I ever imagined. So gorgeous, so gorgeous.”

 

Kuroo sobbed and shivered. He cracked his eyes open, desperate not to miss a thing about Hinata. He'd never felt so good in his life and if it felt this good with only Hinata’s hand, well…

 

“Shōyō! Please, I need- _hah_ \- need y-you!”

 

An absentminded _hm_ came from Hinata, his eyes still fixated on Kuroo who'd never felt so naked and wanted in his life.

 

Hinata’s hand slowed to a stop and Kuroo whined. The bed dipped and his eyes snapped fully open as Hinata descend on him, lips stretched taut to accommodate Kuroo’s girth.

 

Kuroo threw his head back, eyes closing with the euphoria he felt, arching his back as the warmth of Hinata’s mouth consumed him. His whole body burned with want, the heat he felt making him flush from his head to his chest. One of Kuroo’s hands dived for Hinata’s head, fingers tangling in the longer ginger hair on top of his head while the other scratched at the sheet, but the limited amount of fiber he grasped at wasn’t enough. He felt a hand fumble against his and he snatched it up, twining his fingers with Hinata’s and grounding himself. Kuroo sobbed, muttering incoherently as Hinata’s head bobbed along his hardened shaft and what Hinata couldn't reach with his mouth he stroked with his free hand. It was glorious.

 

Kuroo was quickly reaching his breaking point, embarrassed that he was going to come so soon. However, Hinata must have been able to tell because he pulled back and purred, “I want you Kuroo.”

 

Kuroo nodded emphatically and kicked his pants and boxers the rest of the way off then rose up, placing a light, quick kiss on Hinata’s closed mouth before rolling over onto his stomach to reach into his desk drawer for lube and a condom. He heard Hinata groan behind him and calloused fingers grasped his buttcheeks hard enough to bruise. He breathed deeply and pressed back into those fingers. The hands gripped him, spreading him, making him vulnerable to the chill in the air, and Kuroo gasped. A thumb grazed lightly against him, between his cheeks and against his entrance. Kuroo could feel himself flexing in anticipation and his fingers wrapped tightly around the bottle of lube as he dragged his hand back.

 

“T-Tesutrō, the lube.” Hinata’s voice was husky and broken, sending sparks of lightening straight down Kuroo’s spine and right between his legs. He flung his arm back in his haste to hand over the lube and nearly threw it at Hinata.

 

He cleared his throat, slightly mortified by his neediness and apologized. “S-sorry.” Kuroo glanced sheepishly over his shoulder and saw Hinata smirking back at him. Kuroo blushed, feeling stupid for reacting like a teenage girl under Hinata’s lustful gaze so he he hid his face in his pillow to cover his embarrassment.

 

Hinata chuckled behind him and Kuroo heard the cap pop, then he felt a slick wet finger prod his entrance before pushing inward. Kuroo groaned, the fact that any part of Hinata had just penetrated him making him spill even more precum. The moment Kuroo relaxed, Hinata began pumping his finger with unhurried but insistent thrusts. It wasn't long until it was followed by a second finger, then a third, and Hinata twisted and stretched Kuroo as he rolled his hips back, desperate. He didn't care how he looked- _couldn't_ care how he looked. All that mattered was the feeling of Hinata caressing him from the inside while his free hand stroked his thigh and he left comforting kisses on Kuroo’s lower back.

 

“Shō- _ngh hah_ \- p-please,” he cried, “please, please, please.” Each plea was punctuated by a roll of his hips as he attempted to get those fingers where he wanted. They finally brushed against his prostate and Kuroo keened but the feeling was ripped away when Hinata pulled out.

 

“I've wanted you for so long, Tetsurō.” Hinata whispered against his skin, the heat of his breath making Kuroo shiver again.

 

“ _Shōyō,”_ Kuroo breathed.

 

The pressure wasn't as strong or the stretch as harsh when Hinata finally entered him, Kuroo had had bigger, but he didn't care, all he could think was, “ _Oh god, Hinata’s inside me!”_ It felt so good, so _right_. All of the times he'd ever thought of taking Hinata, he'd rarely ever considered it the other way and now he could only think that it was how it should be.

 

Hinata spread him further, moving his knees up until they were parallel with his hips. He kept one hand on his thigh and brought the other up just under his armpit. Hinata sunk himself slowly until he was flush with Kuroo’s ass.

 

“You're so tight, Tetsu,” Hinata sighed.

 

Kuroo could only whimper. He took a moment to get used to Hinata, then canted his hips, wanting Hinata to _move._ Hinata got the point and rolled his hips back, pulling out until he was just inside, then he rolled forward again, his movements measured and unhurried and so unlike him. Kuroo cried out, the pleasure of being filled by the man he loved crashing through him and overwhelming all his senses.

 

The weight of Hinata’s head came to rest against his back and Hinata peppered kisses where he could reach. Kuroo ascended to a higher plane, one where only he and Hinata existed and all he could feel was the small redhead making love to him.

 

Kuroo could not remember the last time he felt so alive. How many people could say they longed for another, waiting hopelessly for that love to be returned, and finding out it is? How many were able to lose themselves in the act of love with the one they ached for, to feel them deep inside, heated and wanting in return? Kuroo could. He could count himself among the lucky few who'd taken the risk and dived from the cliff, willing to smash themselves on the rocks below if only they could have one moment.

 

Hinata shifted above him, angling his hips and pushing as deep as he could go. He pressed against Kuroo’s prostate, making Kuroo arch his back and cry out, tears streaming down his face. He never wanted it to end, he wanted this moment to be his forever.

 

But he wasn't going to last. Hinata was repeatedly rubbing his prostate and Kuroo was caught between his sheets and his stomach, the friction and pressure enough to blind him. He stretched his arm back, fingers scrabbling for purchase along Hinata hip, digging in when he'd found it. He used his grip on Hinata to help him buck back, meeting him thrust for thrust. Hinata moaned continuously into his back and the hand that he used to hold himself up he now wrapped up and around Kuroo’s shoulder.

 

 _Shōyō_ was a mantra that spilled from Kuroo’s lips, over and over again, his entire body thrumming with the deepest pleasure. Hinata extended himself as far as he could without impairing their rhythm until he was flat against Kuroo’s back. He was shy of reaching Kuroo’s neck with his lips but he pressed kisses just under the ridge of his shoulder. Kuroo could feel the hot air of his breath ghost his ear and cheek.

 

“ _Gah,_ Tetsurō, _ngh-hah,_ I'm s-sorry, I’m not g- _ah-_ going to-”

 

Kuroo’s head swam. Hinata was going to come and it would be because of him. In the midst of their activity, Kuroo could feel his heart swell with pride.

 

“M-me too, Sh-Shō- _oh_!” He stammered.

 

Hinata began to lose rhythm, his hips stuttering. He gave a final thrust and tensed, moaning low and long, and Kuroo felt a warmth spread within him. His eyes shot wide open realizing what had just happened, and his climax crashed over him, unrelenting and wiping his mind blank. Crying out, Kuroo spilled his release, his sheets and stomach hot, wet, and sticky.

 

Hinata continued to thrust into him, Kuroo still canting against Hinata, as they rode out their orgasms. Eventually they came to a stop, panting from effort, slowly coming down from the high of their shared climax.

 

Hinata rested atop Kuroo, not seeming in a hurry to move. It didn't matter, though, Kuroo liked the feel of him. However, now that they'd finished, doubt began creeping into Kuroo. What did this mean? What were they now? What about Kenma?

 

New feelings overwhelmed Kuroo and his chest constricted with pain and fear. He felt tears well in his eyes and he tried to control himself, willing them to go away.

 

“What's wrong, Tetsurō?” Hinata questioned, quiet and soft. Kuroo felt the hand slip from his shoulder and caress his cheek and the sob he'd held back slipped from him.

 

“Sorry, Chibichan, just feeling a little emotional right now.”

 

Hinata chuckled and Kuroo felt it rumble from his back to his chest. Kuroo tried not to feel hurt by Hinata’s flippancy as Hinata shifted off of him, tugging at his shoulder, and causing him to grunt as Hinata slipped out of him. Reluctantly, Kuroo rolled over onto his back, the change in position refreshing. Hinata no longer rested inside him but Kuroo could still feel him, the pleasant ache in his rear and Hinata's essence leaking down between his legs and butt cheeks, proof that he'd finally taken Kuroo, body and soul. He should've been appalled, disregarding proper protection was stupid and risky but neither had been thinking too careful about their behavior. Still, regardless of their stupidity and Kuroo's current emotional spiral, he felt satisfied.

 

Hinata crawled back on top of Kuroo, one hand buried in his hair, the other gently tracing his thumb along his jaw. Hinata kissed him, a light press of their lips and pulled back.

 

“Tell me what you're thinking, Tetsurō.” His expression was fond, eyes wide and bright, lips pulled into a small smile.

 

Kuroo sighed, wrapping his arms around Hinata’s waist and burying his face in Hinata’s neck. This whole night had happened so unexpectedly and he was afraid to voice his concerns. He did not want to break the spell of intimacy between them and find out it was just a fantasy- a one time event that would ruin Kuroo for anything else to come.

 

“Kuroo,” Hinata spoke, his voice serious in tone, “I mean it. What’s going on?”

 

Kuroo raised his head and looked at Hinata. He brushed a strand of hair from his eyes, fighting against the surge of tears and sadness that was clawing its way from his chest. A few stray tears managed to escape anyway.

 

“I love you, Shōyō.”

 

Amber eyes stared back, searching Kuroo’s face. They swam with their own tears and Hinata surged forward, kissing Kuroo as if he’d never get to again. When he pulled back, his cheeks were wet with tears but he was smiling. Kuroo smiled back, his heart filling with hope.

 

“I,” Hinata started wiping his eyes with a hand, “I love-Kenma!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know you all saw that cliffhanger coming a mile away but, hey, you know it had to be done. One more chapter left. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I will try not to take as long with the conclusion. Love you guys!!
> 
> BIMB :)
> 
> P.S. Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!


	6. Tears & Blue Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On that day, Kuroo learned two things; what it felt like to climb the heights of victory with a strong team, and what it felt like to come crashing down under at the cruel thumb of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, last chapter folks. It's the shortest chapter in the story and I apologize for that but there's only so much I could have put in it without rambling. This chapter is unbeta'd, so sorry for any glaring grammatical mistakes. Also, after the first scene takes place the story goes through some time skips. Just in case you get confused, the first scene takes place in mid-January (when I had first included Kuroo's college nationals earlier in the story, I planned for it January, not knowing the collegiate volleyball national championships take place in December. The story was too far ahead to go back and change it without rewriting a good portion of the story to accommodate the seasons so I left it).
> 
> Without further ado, Chapter 6.
> 
> BIMB :)

_ “I love-Kenma!” _

 

Kuroo stared into Hinata’s face, the feelings he’d only ever dreamed of seeing reflected there, now shined bright within the amber fire. It was only the briefest moment before reality snatched that look and those eyes from him, Hinata’s head whipping to the side to stare in guilty horror at the human shadow darkening Kuroo’s bedroom door.

 

Kuroo had barely even begun to process the gravity of their situation, time moving in slow motion within the hazy, blissful fog of his mind. The words that almost fell from Hinata’s lips were at once perfect, confusing, and earth-shattering. 

 

Kuroo’s expression mirrored the complexity of those words as he shifted his own focus in the direction of Hinata’s attention. The movement felt slow somehow, like fighting against a strong current or trying to swim through molasses.

 

“Oh fuck,” Kuroo whispered, eyes widened in surprise and shame. “Kenma.”

 

Kenma stood in there, framed by the cheap dark wood with his arms hung limply at his sides and his cat-like eyes dark with disappointment. His bow-shaped lips were drawn tight into a frown, the aura surrounding him radiating hurt and anger. Kuroo could feel his eyes hidden behind shadows travel the entwined naked flesh of his boyfriend and best friend. 

 

They all stared at each other for a few seconds, trapped in a bubble of stilted time, emotions thick and rolling like smoke caught in glass ball. 

 

All at once the silence shattered as Kenma about faced without saying a single word. 

 

“Kenma! Wait!” Hinata shouted after him, scrambling from atop Kuroo, his shorter legs tangling with longer ones as he plummeted to the floor ungracefully, kneeing Kuroo in the thigh. He jumped up almost immediately, pulling on his clothes in a mad rush.

 

Kuroo groaned and rubbed his sore leg as he sat up and reached over the side of the bed to grab his own clothes, moving slower than Hinata and feeling his mood swan dive into despair.

 

“Shō...calm down. Don’t panic, okay?”

 

Hinata wrinkled his nose at the shirt he grabbed recognizing it as Kuroo’s before tossing it to the floor in favor of his own which had been lying beneath it. He flashed him an exasperated look and pulled the sweater over his head. 

 

“How am I  _ not _ supposed to panic?!” He whisper-yelled, running his hands through his unkempt hair, “Kenma was  _ not  _ supposed to be here!”

 

The almost manic look in his eyes and the panic-stricken strain in his voice made Kuroo’s stomach jolt with nausea. As shitty as it was, what did it matter if Kenma saw them now or not? Wasn’t this supposed to be about them?

 

Kuroo sighed and snatched his shirt off the floor where Hinata tossed it, stuffing himself into it as he followed the harried ginger into the living room. Kenma came stalking out of his and Hinata’s room the same moment Kuroo stepped reluctantly out of his. Kenma was holding his own bag, presumably stuffed full of his most valuable objects.

 

“K-Kenma...baby...I can explain…” Hinata started, his chest heaving with stress and hands out front waving madly as he sought an explanation for the very obvious position Kenma had caught his boyfriend and best friend in. Kuroo didn’t bother to pretend the term of endearment Hinata used didn’t make his stomach turn and heart seize. Hinata looked back at Kuroo once with pleading in his eyes and only received a shrug in answer. What could Kuroo add that would make this shit show any less awkward? Why would he want to even try?

 

Kenma stared at Hinata, his face void of any expression. 

 

“Um...I-I’m...sorry,” was all Hinata could come up with in the end before letting his head drop in defeat. The damage was done.

 

Though Hinata could not see his expression, Kenma nevertheless sneered as he stepped around him and up to Kuroo. Kuroo stood there, rooted to the old, worn carpet, his hazel eyes never wavering under the steady gaze of those sharp golden cat eyes. Neither man said anything, they didn’t need too. They had known each other long enough to pretty much know what the other was thinking.  

 

But if they had spoken, the short conversation would have gone along these lines;

 

_ “Why?” _

 

_ “You know why.” _

 

_ “We were friends. More than friends, we were family.” _

 

_ “I love him.” _

 

The silence that rang throughout the living room was as sharp as a blade and as heavy as led. The tension that surrounded the three men was thick enough to nearly deepen the shadows thrown by the pale yellow light of the lamp on the small table by the couch. A slight  _ tick tick _ came from the clock in the kitchen and beneath that Kuroo could just make out the quiet whimpers Hinata hid behind his hands, as he curled in on himself and cried only feet away from them. Kuroo’s eyes drifted to him- pretty much an instinctual behavior by now- and his brow creased with worry.

 

**_SMACK_ **

 

The sound of flesh meeting flesh was loud within the small apartment, bouncing off the walls and echoing as if they had been standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon. Kuroo stood, leaned slightly to one side, his hand cradling the cheek that was struck. Kenma stood before him, the back of the hand he’d used to hit Kuroo blood red from the impact. His chest was heaving as he sucked in violent breaths and his face was contorted with a mixture of rage, betrayal, and hurt.

 

Kuroo glanced at Hinata whose eyes were wide with shock, his own head snapping up at the sound. Kuroo did nothing, just stood straighter, his eyes coming back to rest on his once childhood friend, hazel eyes dull. He couldn’t even muster up shock though, for as long as he’d known his two-toned, geeky friend, Kenma had never once reacted in outright anger before. He’d snapped at people in frustration, sure, and mostly when he played volleyball. But outside competition, Kenma remained impassive and distant, avoiding confrontation at all costs. And still, all Kuroo could do was let his hand drop to his side, his gaze locked on Kenma.

 

“Kenma…” Hinata breathed, his quiet voice shaky.

 

Kenma spared neither of them another glance as he turned on his heel and headed toward the door, shoving his feet in his shoes. Without a backward glance- or parting words- he yanked open the door and walked out. 

 

Kuroo exhaled a trembling breath he’d not know he held, but all the tension seemed to melt away with it. His face hurt and he was sure that, later, his heart would too, but as of right then he was only glad it all seemed to be over. 

 

His eyes left the open door, cold wind and bits of snow blowing in from the darkness beyond. He turned his attention to Hinata who still stared at the door in open-mouthed disbelief.

 

Kuroo stepped toward him, stretching out a hand, intending to comfort the man he loved. He wanted to hold him and tell him they’d be okay. He wanted to finally be the strength he’d always wished to be for  _ his  _ Shōyō.

 

His fingers barely brushed Hinata’s shoulders before the ginger took off after Kenma, throwing on his shoes in his mad dash to catch up to him. Kuroo followed, forgetting his own footwear, the concrete of the walk like ice against his once warm feet.

 

“Hinata!” Kuroo yelled at his retreating back, his entire being constricting, twisting into itself as the reality of that evening's events came to a final end. 

 

For a moment Hinata slowed, his steps hesitating, and Kuroo hoped. Hinata looked back over his shoulder, twisting partially around to face him. 

 

“I’m sorry, Kuroo! I just can’t let it end like this. I’m sorry!” He hollered back as he swung around and rushed down the stairs, his choice made once again.

 

On that day, Kuroo learned two things; what it felt like to climb the heights of victory with a strong team, and what it felt like to come crashing down under at the cruel thumb of love.

 

Kuroo watched as Hinata’s bright orange hair disappeared into the darkness. He watched until even his imagination could no longer supply him with visions of his  _ beloved Shōyō  _ walking away from him for the last time.

 

Dejectedly, Kuroo slunk back into the apartment and closed the door behind him. He returned to his room and grabbed his bag again, filling it with clothes and other supplies he may need. He took what he could, deciding to leave the rest behind. He did not think he could return once he left. He knew he couldn’t bear facing either Kenma or Hinata ever again.

 

Kuroo placed the apartment key on the counter, letting the first few tears of the evening slip down his cheeks unchecked. More followed as he slipped on his shoes and stepped into the cold air of the city and closed the door, leaving it unlocked for Hinata. 

 

Kuroo was a nice person like that.

 

-*-

 

**Mid-April**

 

Kuroo leaned back against the uncomfortable chair he sat in, dislodging his glasses as he rubbed tired eyes. The new semester had just started and he was already swamped with more essays and research papers than should be legal.

 

Beside his open laptop his cell phone vibrated noisily. He picked it up, sliding his thumb across the screen without reading the notification. He tapped in his password and went straight to his texts and grinned when he saw who had texted him.

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ where u at? Im hungry  _ (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

 

Kuroo snickered,  _ lazy bastard,  _ he thought as he typed out a reply. 

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ wat am i ur personal chef? (；￣Д￣) _

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ but ur cooking is sooo much better than mine! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ _

 

Kuroo could almost  _ hear  _ what would undoubtedly be the whine in Oikawa’s voice. He could be such a suck up when he wanted something.

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ u do understand that im currently trying to finish a paper due tomorrow?  _ _   
_ _ (＃`Д´) _

 

Kuroo sighed and rubbed his eyes again, he hated writing papers. He’d been sitting in front of his screen for three hours now and the text on screen was starting to blur. He should probably take that as a hint to pack it up for the night but as was previously stated, the paper was due the following morning.

 

You would think that not having to keep up a hectic volleyball schedule would give you more time.

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ u do understand I am starving here? o(〒﹏〒)o _

 

Kuroo snorted.

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ i can personally attest to the fallacy of that statement, babe (；￣Д￣) _

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ doesnt mean I am any less hungry, honey o(TヘTo) _

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ then fucking eat, dumbass (@_@) _

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ that’s why Im texting u, asshole (°ㅂ°╬) _

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ omg! U would srsly perish wo me…(￣Д￣) _

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ hence why I keep u around  _ _   
_ _ (≧◡≦) ♡ _

 

Kuroo sighed and glanced at his work spread out on the table before him. He was one of the few people left in the library and the stillness was deafening. Kuroo wanted nothing more than to go home and hang out with Torū instead of being stuck with homework. Kuroo’s phone vibrated again.

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ he asked about you again _

 

Kuroo grimaced as his stomach soured in a familiar way. Why did Oikawa insist on notifying him every time- 

 

No, he would not go down that route. Not again. It’s been nearly three months since...well, since  _ then _ and Kuroo finally felt like he could breath without his chest feeling as if it’s gonna cave in. Heartbreak sucks.

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ if I promise 2 come home will u promise 2 stop talking about  _ him

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ only if u bring me milk bread _

_ (っ˘ڡ˘ς) _

 

_ Douchebag _ … Kuroo rolled his eyes and sighed. Well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t complete the paper at home. Most of it was done anyway and if he ignored Oikawa he’d just pout and bitch.

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ fine...but im finishing my paper after _

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ Hooray! ＼(≧▽≦)／ _

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ i mean it Oikawa _

 

**To Princess Torū:** _ do not pester me (-_- ╬) _

 

**From Princess Torū:** _ mean, tetsuchan! 凸 (>o<) _

 

Kuroo didn’t answer but he did chuckle to himself as he stood and stretched then gathered all his belongings. He headed toward reception in the references section he had been studying in and returned some books before trotting down the stairs and heading outside into the chilly spring evening. Kuroo took a deep breath of the scent of new growth that clung to the crisp air and smiled to himself. To most who didn’t know him well, his smile would tell them that he’s a happy twenty-two year old student. That all is right in his world.

 

Only those who knew him well enough and had stood beside him these last few months would know that his smile followed on the wake of bittersweet heartache. 

 

Still, despite the pain and aching hollowness that was a constant reminder of the love that had slipped through his fingers, Kuroo felt light and airy. He felt relieved.

 

He knew he’d be okay.

 

-*-

 

**Mid-January (The night of the incident)**

 

It was nearly 11:00PM when Kuroo knocked on Bokuto and Akaashi’s door. He’d left his apartment for the last time toting a black duffel stuffed with clothes and other necessities, his gym bag with all his gear in it, and his backpack that housed his books. Ironically enough, the weight of all the bags that he carted through town wasn’t what made him drag his feet.

 

Within moments Bokuto opened the door, his crazy, two-toned hair hanging in his eyes and his expression a mixture of confusion and inconvenience. However, the moment he recognized his forlorn friend, his face brightened up.

 

“BRO!” He boomed, his baritone voice carrying on the wind and most likely waking up the neighbors. 

 

Kuroo missed much of this since his head was bowed, his eyes locked on the concrete beneath his feet. He glanced up at Bokuto only briefly before his hazel eyes dropped again.

 

“Kou, who’s here?” Akaashi’s voice floated softly through the apartment, unlike his partner’s, and he rounded the corner to peer over Bokuto’s shoulder and see who had rudely dropped by so late in the evening. 

 

“Kuroo.” Akaashi stated, the tone of his voice both somber and expecting.

 

Kuroo did not have the energy to greet his friends properly, let alone explain why he showed up unannounced and carrying half his belongings on his back like some vagrant. Apparently Akaashi seemed to read the mood.

 

“Kou, why don’t you set some water to boil for tea?” Akaashi prodded gently. A few awkward seconds later and Kuroo watched as Bokuto’s socked feet disappeared from his periphery. Kuroo looked up to meet Akaashi’s concerned gaze and it took everything in him not to break down in front of his friend. Akaashi didn’t ask questions, just opened the door wider as he stepped aside to let Kuroo through.

 

“Thanks,” Kuroo mumbled, his tone bland. He squeezed through the door, hefting his bags onto the floor and pulled off his shoes. It had been freezing outside as Kuroo traversed the streets of his city with no real idea where to go. He considered going to Oikawa’s, a good portion of his things were there already and he had been expecting Kuroo at some point anyway, yet for whatever reason, Kuroo found himself avoiding Oikawa’s neighborhood. It wasn’t that he didn’t think he’d  understand, in many ways they were in the same boat in their shared misery. Even more now that Kuroo had also been humiliated and rejected. And that was probably why he didn’t end up there.

 

Instead, Kuroo had spent his evening, numb to the cold and wandering around aimlessly until he’d ended up in front of Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment, frozen both physically and emotionally.

 

Kuroo really didn’t want to be around people but he felt had nowhere else to go and he was extremely grateful to his friends that they’d even invited him in under the circumstances. He hoped they didn’t mind his lack of social graces as he never once thought to excuse himself for intruding. He knew he’d have properly thank them eventually, but right then Kuroo was an emotional zombie.

 

He heard Bo rummaging around in the kitchen as he set the water to boil and gathered cups and tea for each of them. 

 

“Hey Kuroo, we have several different flavors. What do you want, man?” Bokuto asked, his voice loud and too vibrant for the atmosphere. 

 

Kuroo stood in the entry still, staring at the floor. He gave no reply to the question asked and truthfully, he didn’t even hear it. He rubbed his arm with one hand, the warmth of the apartment seeping into his tired muscles. A moment later he felt Akaashi gently wrap an arm around his shoulders and guide him to the living room.

 

“It doesn’t matter, Kou, give him whatever we’re having,” Akaashi called back, his voice low and placating.

 

Kuroo was directed toward the couch where he sunk into the worn cushions, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the back. He sighed heavily but didn’t say anything. He felt the couch shift as he was joined by Akaashi but he didn’t open his eyes to look at him. A few minutes later he heard the whistle of the kettle and then the sound of water being poured. Not long after he and Akaashi were joined by Bokuto who was trying to balance three steaming mugs of tea.

 

Kuroo could feel the presence of his hulking friend as he hovered with a cup for Kuroo in one hand. When Kuroo didn’t make a move to take the tea, he heard the clunk of ceramic settling down on the wooden coffee table in front of him.

 

The silence in the room was tense. Akaashi and Bokuto were most likely doing their telepathic communication thing because he heard Bokuto open his mouth to say something and the clack of teeth as his mouth snapped shut. Then he felt the couch shift again as Bokuto presumably settled on his other side.

 

He was grateful that his friends opened their home to him, however, Kuroo couldn’t help but wish they’d go to bed and leave him be. He had so much he needed to process and he felt claustrophobic beneath the waiting gazes of both Bokuto and Akaashi.

 

Bokuto was the first to break the silence, unable to cope with the stressful atmosphere. “Wanna tell us what happened, Kuroo?”

 

No, actually, he did not. The only thing Kuroo wanted was for the earth to crack wide open and swallow him whole. However, he supposed he owed his friends some sort of an explanation why he showed up to their home unannounced and so late in the evening.

 

Kuroo raised his head and opened his eyes, sighing as he did so. The hollow feeling that had invaded his chest earlier in the day was beginning to fill. Slowly, like a creeping shadow, loss, guilt, despair, anger, hurt, betrayal- every negative emotion a person can feel- was pouring into that empty space. With one hand, Kuroo rubbed his chest over his heart and inhaled a deep, shaky breath. His eyes burned and vision blurred and he desperately tried to keep himself from collapsing beneath the weight of heartache.

 

Kuroo couldn’t bring himself to look at either Bokuto or Akaashi so he stared at the table before him, tracing the fake swirls of wood grains with his eyes. He cleared his throat once, trying to find the words that could encompass the entirety of his screwed up day. However, his brain was just white noise, his mind replaying snippets of time and emotion from the previous hours after the tournament.

 

“I fucked up,” was all that breathlessly spilled from his mouth as his breathing kicked into high gear. He was near hyperventilation as he pulled his feet onto the couch and he curled in on himself, burying his face in his arms repeating  _ I fucked up _ over and over until the damn broke and Kuroo finally broke down in the silence of his friends’ apartment.

 

-*-

 

**Late August**

 

“EEEEEE!”

 

Kuroo was startled into wakefulness by high-pitched shrieking coming from the direction of the living room. Kuroo, to his credit, did not return the call with one of his own, however, his eyes did shoot open as his brain was suddenly yanked from pleasant dreams back to harsh reality. Irritated, his hands dragged across his face as he groaned once his blood pressure returned to a normal level and he was sure he was not having a heart attack.

 

“TOOORŪ!” He yelled from his bed, his voice rough from sleep so he sounded more like a bear that had been disturbed during hibernation. A few moments later, the source of his frustration barreled through his door, forgetting all manners. 

 

“TETSUCHAN!” Oikawa squealed, literally flying at him as he ran into the room. Kuroo had barely time to raise his eyebrows in horror as 79.38 kg of muscle descended on him like a sack of potatoes.

 

“UHG...god, fuck, asshole!” Kuroo cursed as he wrestled to extricate his bruised body from Oikawa’s manic wiggling. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

 

When Kuroo had managed to regain some personal space, he rolled over to glare at Oikawa only to find him staring back, big brown eyes glowing with unrestrained joy.

 

“Tetsurō,” Oikawa whispered, his face flushed with happiness, “Tetsurō, it’s happened!”

 

With Oikawa staring at him and looking like a child who’d just met Santa, Kuroo was having difficulty holding onto any indignation. Oikawa just looked so damn  _ happy. _ Kuroo found himself grinning back without even knowing why.

 

“Have we finally been invaded?” Kuroo couldn’t help but tease him when Oikawa left himself wide open. 

 

Oikawa barely blinked at Kuroo’s joke, whatever good thing that had happened consuming all of his attention. The brunette only grinned back wider, leaning in as if to impart some deep secret.

 

“F.C.Tokyo offered me a position on their team,” he whispered then leaned back to watch Kuroo’s reaction. 

 

For a moment Kuroo just stared back, his still sleepy brain not completely processing the information. Ever so slowly the information made its way down the proper channels and understanding dawned on Kuroo’s face. As his expression went from a teasing smirk to confusion to comprehension, Oikawa’s smile grew that much larger.

 

“No way!” Kuroo exclaimed.

 

“Yes way!” Oikawa excitedly responded.

 

“NO way!” Kuroo sat up and ran his hands through his hair in disbelief.

 

“YES way!” Oikawa answered, his hands flying to Kuroo’s shoulders.

 

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Kuroo jumped up, the excitement and pride he felt for his friend bubbling over until he needed to move.

 

“YES FUCKING WAY!” Oikawa followed, both men standing on Kuroo’s bed, grasping one another.

 

“AHHH!” They both screamed simultaneously, jumping up and down like excited school girls and laughing with glee while clinging to each other.

 

**_CRACK_ **

 

A few seconds later the sound of wood giving way under the weight of two grown men throwing themselves around in their excitement rang throughout the room. The foot of the bed suddenly fell to the floor, knocking the two men off their feet, causing them to tumble down in a heap of giggling limbs. Luckily, they fell onto the soft mattress, albeit at an awkward angle.

 

Kuroo panted alongside his friend as they lay together, legs tangled. Kuroo couldn’t keep the giant grin off his face as he gazed at Oikawa whose smile rivaled the sun in brightness.

 

“F.C. Tokyo, huh,” Kuroo stated, a sense of awe tinting his voice. Kuroo turned his head so he could stare at the ceiling, elation warming him. He couldn’t have been happier for Oikawa if it had happened to himself. His good friend had worked so hard and so long to be recognized and it had finally,  _ finally  _ paid off. All the long hours practicing with his team and on his own, all the pain and frustration, the sweat and tears. All of it bearing the fruit of Oikawa’s hardwork and diligence. Deep within Kuroo felt a twinge of jealousy- apart of him had wanted the same thing once- but that feeling paled in comparison to the pride he felt in knowing Oikawa had made it. Had taken his dream and made it a reality.

 

Kuroo heard sniffles beside him and turned to find tears falling from the corners of his friends eye. He untangled his legs, wincing at the soreness from all the early morning rough housing, and raised up on his elbow, concern wrinkling his forehead.

 

“Dude, what’s up? This should be a happy moment.”

 

Oikawa didn’t look at him right away, covering his face with his hands and muffling a solitary sob. “It is,” he said, his voice thick with emotion, “it’s just a lot, you know?”

 

Oikawa sniffed again and lowered his hands, turning his face toward Kuroo. His chocolate brown eyes gazed back at Kuroo, wet with tears and still shining brightly. 

 

“I just can’t believe it’s finally happened.”

 

Kuroo grinned and lightly punched Oikawa in the shoulder. “Bullshit,” he laughed. “Anyone who knew you knew it was going to happen. It was just a matter of time.”

 

Oikawa looked away, his cheeks rosy. His smile was both humble yet confident. “There was no guarantee. But thanks for the support.”

 

“Whatever man,” Kuroo chuckled, laying back on the bed, his head resting on entwined fingers. “This isn’t about guarantees, you earned it, Torū.”

 

“Hm,” was the only reply as they both sunk into a comfortable silence, contemplating that morning’s surprise event. It was a while before either of them spoke but Oikawa broke the silence to add, “It was a guarantee for Tobiochan. That little shit beat me to professional status.”

 

Kuroo snorted. Leave it to Oikawa to find some way to be petty at a time like this. 

 

“Who cares. Now you’re on even ground again and you have the chance to pummel his ass on pro ground.”

 

“Yeah, except he got offered a spot with Japan’s champion premier team,” Oikawa pouted.

 

Kuroo snorted, “Seriously? You’re going to run with that? Do you know what I would give to be in your shoes?”

 

Oikawa’s head snapped to him and he sat up, his eyes wide with guilt, “Oh fuck, Kuroo, I’m sorry. I came in here like some inconsiderate jerk showing off and forgetting about what’s happened with you. And now I’m even whining like some toddler complaining about someone else getting more. Fuck, man, I’m sorry!”

 

Kuroo laughed and patted Oikawa’s knee, “Don’t worry about it. I’m not that upset, I made my decision. I’m just saying that this is a real opportunity and you shouldn’t snub it just because your former rival got a ‘better deal’.” Kuroo smiled at his friend hoping that he understood how happy he was for him. His jealousy was such a small thing and Oikawa didn’t have to make himself feel guilty for reaping the rewards of all his efforts. Kuroo had long since come to terms with how he chose to spend his future. He was okay with how things were. Oikawa stared at him a moment, eyes searching his face for sincerity and finding it, he smiled back.

 

“Anyway, dumbass, won’t you be on the same team as Ushiwaka? That guy’s still one of the most powerful spikers, and with your skill I’m sure you’ll whip your former kohai’s ass.” 

 

Oikawa’s expression took an opposite turn compared to what Kuroo’s preconceived idea of a response should have been to his awe-inspiring pep talk. Instead of eagerness and anticipation, Oikawa’s entire face dropped.

 

“Goddammit!” He yelled, throwing himself backward onto the fallen end of the bed and promptly rolling off because of the angle and gravity. He landed face first on the plush carpet, barely making a sound and laid there, unmoving. “I can’t believe I forgot about that.”

 

Kuroo rolled his eyes and leaned over the bed to look at Oikawa prostrate on the ground, “At least you won’t have to hear ‘You should should have joined F.C. Tokyo’.” He tried his best to affect the flat tone of Ushijima’s deep voice. 

 

“Somehow that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it,” Oikawa grumbled into the carpet and Kuroo chuckled.

 

“Anyway,” Kuroo continued, rising up and windmilling his arms because he misjudged the angle of the mattress and practically fell over, “buck up buttercup. Ushiwaka’s your new teammate whether you like it or not. Or are you not good enough to set for him?”

 

Oikawa’s head snapped up, his dark eyes burning at Kuroo’s jab at his undeniably phenomenal setting skills, “If I can up Shōchan’s game, I can improve Ushijima’s. Give me a month and his ranking will go from third in the professional league to number one.”

 

“There you go then,” Kuroo replied to Oikawa’s smug declaration. “Stop whining.”

 

“Mean, Tetsuchan.”

 

“FYI, you owe me a new bed.” Kuroo stepped over Oikawa and headed out of his room, his mood slightly soured. Oikawa scoffed behind him, yelling objections at his retreating back.

 

“The hell I do! You’re just as guilty! You weigh more than me anyhow!”

 

“Then you probably shouldn’t have mentioned Hinata!” Kuroo yelled back.

 

-*-

 

**End of January, Beginning of February**

 

With the season over now, practice eased up as each student started preparing for finals that were quickly approaching. Practice went from six days a week to four and were optional as long as each member accounted for at least  _ some  _ individual practice.

 

After the night of nationals, Kuroo didn’t return to practice for a little over a week. He spent his time working, going to class, and hanging out at Bokuto and Akaashi’s place trying to emotionally recover. The night he showed up at their apartment, after he’d cried himself horse, they’d left him alone on their old couch, on a makeshift bed of clean blankets and comfy pillows. As content as Kuroo had been that night, snuggled deep under the blankets, nice and warm after being outside for most of the night, he still hadn’t slept a wink. He’d laid on their couch the entire night, visions of the day running through his head like a bad rerun. 

 

The next day hadn’t been much better and when he checked his phone he’d noticed several missed texts and calls from Oikawa, and a few of the same from Hinata. Kuroo willed himself to ignore Hinata’s calls and texts, knowing if he opened himself to the messages he’d be opening himself to even more hurt. Instead, he’d opted to delete Hinata’s thread and block his number, then he’d read through Oikawa’s texts which grew increasingly more worried before they stopped. Kuroo felt bad for scaring his friend as he had but couldn’t find it in himself to give him much of an answer except to tell Oikawa he was alive and safe.

 

Kuroo spent the first few days afterward barely moving from Bokuto and Akaashi’s couch and even less time engaging in conversation. He knew his friends were worried about him, every so often he’d hear hushed whispers coming from the kitchen when they were alone. Kuroo just couldn’t muster up any fucks to give about it. 

 

After three days of very little movement, talking, basic hygiene, and eating, his friends held an intervention, even going so far as to contact Oikawa (Bokuto broke into his phone). They crowded into the tiny living room and attempted to drag Kuroo from his depression.

 

“Kuroo-san, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Starving yourself won’t change things,” Akaashi scolded gently as he pushed yet another bowl of soup closer to him on the coffee table they all sat around.

 

“Yeah, Tetsuchan, a bath wouldn’t hurt either,” Oikawa added, earning a scowl from Akaashi for his inconsiderate statement.

 

Kuroo sat on the couch, curled up with an elbow resting on his knees and his head in one hand. He wouldn’t look at them as he chewed the nails on his other hand. One leg bounced nervously causing all of Kuroo to be jostled.

 

“C’mon, bro,” Bokuto piped in quietly, his voice gentle. The last few days was a testament to how stressful things had been. Even Bokuto’s lively personality had been dialed back. “We don’t know what happened, but it can’t be that bad, right?”

 

Kuroo stiffened, his muscles tightening as if rigor had set in. 

 

“Koutarou!” Akaashi hissed.

 

Slowly Kuroo’s head turned toward Bokuto, his eyes narrowed in anger and his expression indignant, “I don’t know, Bo,” The words forced themselves from between Kuroo’s clenched teeth, “is losing your best friend because you slept with his boyfriend that bad?”

 

Bokuto shrank back under the heat of anger pouring from Kuroo and no one said anything. Kuroo returned to staring at no one and nothing.

 

“Kou didn’t mean anything by it, Tetsurō. We’re just worried, please don’t take your frustration out on us,” Akaashi quietly but firmly stated.

 

Kuroo sighed. He knew he had no right to snap at his friends, nothing that had happened to him had been their fault. Still, he couldn’t help how he was feeling. While he knew his friends had gathered because they cared about him, a part of Kuroo wished they just leave him alone to wallow.

 

“Kuroo, enough already. What’s done is done and what will allowing yourself to sink further and further into depression accomplish?” Oikawa was much gentler with his words this time.

 

Kuroo glanced at him from his periphery, “I’m not trying to accomplish anything.”

 

“Obviously,” Oikawa huffed, a pout overtaking his face. Kuroo snorted, typical Oikawa behavior making him laugh a little. If Kuroo had been watching he’d have seen the biggest smile break out over Bokuto’s face and Akaashi’s green eyes light up knowing that Oikawa finally got something other than sadness out of him.

 

Silence rang out over the apartment for a time, each of Kuroo’s friend’s just trying to offer him support by being present.

 

Eventually Kuroo spoke up, “I just...I just don’t know what to do anymore.” His voice was so full of heartbreak and guilt and his friends hurt for him.

 

“You could start by eating something, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi encouraged.

 

“Yeah, and shower,” added Oikawa, earning another scowl from Akaashi. Oikawa shrugged in response.

 

Kuroo turned and looked at each of his friends. Perhaps eating wouldn’t be the worst decision he’s made in the last week. Oikawa was correct, despairing about things he can’t change wasn’t gonna do him a bit of good. 

 

Kuroo leaned forward and grabbed the bowl.

 

The following week, Kuroo walked into his coach’s office and immediately retired from his team. 

 

“I am not sure what has happened between you and Hinata but I’m disappointed you’d let it force you to quit the team,” his coach wasn’t meaning for his words to cut as deep as they did but Kuroo flinched anyway. This was already a hit to his pride but he couldn’t fathom spending the next year playing alongside Hinata after all that had happened. Kuroo knew that if he stayed it would only affect his team in a negative way. Besides, this was his last year and he wanted to end his volleyball career on a high note. There was no guarantee they’d go to nationals again- it’d taken them three of Kuroo’s years to get there in the first place. After considering all his options over the last several days, Kuroo had made the executive decision to quit while he was ahead, he wasn’t going pro anyway. This way he could completely focus on school. Once he graduated, he’d enroll immediately into graduate school so he needed to focus as much as possible.

 

“I’m sorry,” was all Kuroo could reply. His coach sighed and shook his head.

 

“We’ll miss your skills this season coming up. If you have anything to turn in you can leave it with the manager. Good luck, son.”

 

“Thank you, coach,” Kuroo tried to keep his voice from shaking as he bowed in genuine gratitude. Their coach was a hard man but fair and his leadership had been invaluable to Kuroo during his time on the team.

 

A few weeks later, Kuroo and Oikawa moved in together. Oikawa’s lease had ended and Kuroo had needed a new place to live. He’d stayed as long as he felt comfortable at Bokuto and Akaashi’s apartment, despite their insistence he was welcome for as long as he needed them. However, Kuroo didn’t like feeling as if he was intruding, they had their own thing going and Kuroo knew they needed their space. Plus, their apartment was a lot further from Kuroo’s campus. Oikawa had been the one to offer to room with him. Since Kuroo had stayed with Oikawa a lot up until things collapsed between him, Kenma, and Hinata, Kuroo knew they could get along well enough. They ended up finding a two bedroom with the same landlord Oikawa had and even though the price went up because of the added room, Kuroo was still able to afford it thanks to Oikawa’s parents. They paid the bulk of the rent, leaving Kuroo with only a modest portion plus utilities. 

 

Eventually, life settled for Kuroo. It would take some time for him to heal but he  _ was  _ healing and that was what was most important. 

 

-*-

 

**Four Years Later**

 

The line moved ahead slowly and Kuroo followed it as he perused the menu, only half his attention on it. He already new what he basically wanted so he let his thoughts wander as he waited for his turn to order. The cafe was larger than he was used to but it was close to work and he needed the caffeine before he started his shift. 

 

Kuroo had quit his job at the sporting goods store he’d worked at for most of his undergraduate career and begun working as an orderly for a hospital that boasted one of the best sports medicine programs in the prefecture. Kuroo had made this decision for two reasons; 1) he needed the change of location because a certain redhead showed up looking for him on a few occasions. Luckily Kuroo had been able to easily avoid him but the constant stress had made up Kuroo’s mind. 2) Kuroo wanted to start networking. He figured since he planned to work as a rehabilitation specialist in sports medicine, then he ought to get a jump on things. However, since he only had an undergraduate degree, he was unqualified to work in a clinic unless he wished to volunteer (which he did) but he still needed to get paid. Hence his job mopping floors and cleaning toilets. It wasn’t bad work, to be honest, but Kuroo was still glad he was graduating soon. He already had offers lining up as soon as he did.

 

The line moved again and Kuroo heard a crash somewhere in the kitchen. He chuckled to himself totally understanding feeling the pressure of a rush of customers. He did not miss working for the public in this capacity at all.

 

The last four years had been good for Kuroo. Initially he worried he’d never be completely free of the heartache he suffered that night so long ago when so many things changed for him. But as the saying goes, time heals all things. Or, at least lessens the pain.

 

Once things settled down in his life and he felt he was emotionally stable enough, Kuroo had attempted to contact Kenma in order to grovel. He was devastated to find that the number he had, one that had been in his phone since middle school, no longer worked. He wasn’t just blocked, Kenma had completely changed his number. 

 

Guilt ridden, Kuroo had even sucked up his fear and shame and called Kenna’s parents. They had been less than helpful. As close as Kuroo had been to their family, the Kozumes were tight lipped as to the whereabouts of Kenma and refused to give Kuroo his new number per request of his once best friend. After he’d hung up, Kuroo had locked himself in his room and cried himself to exhaustion. He and Kenma had suffered through plenty of fights during the long years of their friendship. Never once had they denied each other forgiveness. Kuroo knew he’d have to work hard to earn Kenna’s trust back. He understood that he’d have to prove himself again and he was  _ more _ than willing to do whatever it took to fix things. He just never once imagined that he’d never get the chance; that Kenma would cut him completely from his life.

 

Later, when Kuroo was able to push past the sadness, he figured Kenma just needed space and time, that he would contact Kuroo when he was ready.

 

That was three years and eight months ago.

 

Kuroo missed his friend. He missed the jokes and jabs, the late night gaming, having to hover over the smaller male like a mother hen. He missed his shyness and quiet personality and he missed his blunt words. After all the time that had passed, the ache in Kuroo’s heart that was a Kenma-shaped hole had never healed.

 

The line continued to move until Kuroo finally made it to the counter. He checked the time on his phone that told him he still had twenty minutes until his shift. The hospital was less than a ten minute walk so Kuroo figured he’d order and hang out in the café for a bit and answer any emails. Oikawa had sent him one earlier and he hadn’t had a chance to read it. His roommate was currently on the road with his team doing a series of charity exhibitions. 

 

“How can I help you sir?”

 

Kuroo blinked down at the pretty cashier and smiled sweetly at her. She beamed back, her face lighting up at having someone so charmingly attractive smiling at her.

 

“I’d like a large house blend with two shots of espresso, please,” Kuroo requested as he reached for his wallet. Some people would think he’s crazy for consuming so much caffeine but those people hadn’t been up half the night working on a thesis either. If he wasn’t properly caffeinated, Kuroo would literally fall asleep while cleaning bedpans.

 

The cashier told him the amount he owed, batting her eyelids shyly. Kuroo felt bad for her but smiled back nonetheless. If only she knew he thought her male co-worker was way hotter.

 

Kuroo caught said co-worker’s eye as he picked up his drink a few minutes later, grinning and throwing a flirty wink in his direction. Kuroo chuckled to himself as the young man’s cheeks turned an attractive shade of red and he nearly dropped a cup. Turning around, Kuroo sought out an empty table.

 

He made his way to the condiment stand and added sugar and cream, then he weaved around tables and people searching for an open table, thinking about the young man behind the counter. It had been a few months since his last date and that had turned out so bad Kuroo inwardly cringed just remembering. Over the past few years, Kuroo hadn’t had much luck with the dating scene. Having given up his fuck boi ways a long time ago, Kuroo found that looking for something in another human other than a good fuck was more difficult than one would expect. However, if Kuroo was honest, the vast majority of his dates had come from meddling friends. While Kuroo wasn’t opposed to dating, he wasn’t exactly actively looking either. But loneliness had its drawbacks in the form of thoughts that gravitated toward a certain redhead, even after all the time that had passed.

 

Kuroo sighed and looked over his shoulder as he twisted around a table, headed toward an empty one in the back. He glanced again at the good looking barista at the counter only to find the man’ eyes following him as he filled orders. 

 

Maybe Kuroo could take a chance on his own-

 

“Tetsurō…”

 

A familiar voice filled Kuroo’s ears, making his heart jump to his throat. He turned slowly, the face that had haunted him for nearly four years filling his vision. Hope sprung up inside Kuroo like an oasis in a desert.

 

Kuroo smiled tentatively, “Well isn’t this a nice surprise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *holds up hands defensively* WAIT! DON'T SHOOT!
> 
> I know, a lot of you were hoping for a happy ending. However, this was the end I had in mind from the start of the story so if you are disappointed...sorry. 
> 
> Yet, if you caught the cliffhanger, then you know it doesn't end here. Just to ease your troubled mind and hearts, I'll tell you a secret. This story is part of a series. There will be two more side stories from Kenma and Hinata's perspectives. These stories will have parts of the main story from their eyes and will hopefully clear up any questions. 
> 
> Unfortunately, it may be a while before I get to them. I have another wip that desperately needs updated so until I make some progress with that, don't count on seeing an update. Again, sorry.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for sticking through this mess. I really appreciated your support and encouragement. I learned a lot about writing as I worked my way through this meandering story line. HAHA! Hopefully anything else I upload will be more cohesive. 
> 
> As usual, Kudos and comments are very much appreciated. Thanks again for reading! Love you all!!
> 
> BIMB :)

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooh! So what will Uni be like for poor Kuroo? Do we hate him or love him? And what's up with Hinata?
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. I will have the next one up asap but I can't promise consistent uploads, that would just be a hollow lie and personality deviation for me. I am sorry if I dash your expectation to dust. I am dirt beneath your feet. (・_・;) 
> 
> m(_ _)m
> 
> If you find any grammar errors (if you actually find any I may stab myself seeing as though I have been editing forEVER) let me know. I appreciate any kind of acknowledgement so please don't ignore me. Really. My self-esteem is in your hands.
> 
> Also: Beta Readers! OMG! Like, HELP.ME!


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